Reasons Why Your Ex is Contacting You

Lauren Romano
It is not uncommon for an ex to come back around after the relationship ends, especially at the worst possible time when you have moved on with your life. It can stir up emotions you never thought you would feel. A major feeling to be expected is confusion about why he or she is around again. The answer as to why is not as simple as you think, but when you consider all the possibilities, you can learn quickly about where you stand.

Your Ex is Lonely

When you are with someone for an extended period of time, that individual becomes familiar to you; you become comfortable with that person in a certain way. When you go from being a couple to being ripped apart quickly, one or both individuals may feel a pull to go back to the person and situation that they are accustomed to. Your ex may be contacting you simply because he or she misses your presence, but does not necessarily miss you as a person.

Your Ex May Want You Back

It can be difficult to differentiate whether your ex is lonely or whether they genuinely want to be with you again. One way to tell the difference is his or her willingness to work on things. If your ex promises to work on things, does so for a few days and then seems to just give up or claims that they don't want or need to work on things at all, he or she is most likely just lonely. If they seem to be making the effort and continues to do so, he or she could legitimately want you back.

Your Ex is Checking Up on You

If you ask anyone if they are curious about what their ex's are doing with their lives, chances are they will tell you that they are. Your ex may be contacting you simply to find out what you are doing. Curiosity can be a powerful driving force.

Your Ex is Trying to Make You Jealous

If your ex has improved their life in some way since you broke up, there is a good chance that he or she will contact you in an effort to make you jealous. Even if you ended on good terms, there may still be feelings there of having the satisfaction that you are doing well without your ex - and making sure that he or she knows it. If your ex seems a little too excited to tell you how fantastic their life is since you last spoke, consider it a red flag.

Your Ex Wants Sex

You may or may not be okay with this reason. If this is the only thing your ex is after, it is important to realize this as quickly as possible so your heart does not get broken. Should you proceed with ex sex, whether it is planned or spontaneous, realize that you may not see him or her after that one time. If you want to work on getting back together, you may want to hold off with the ex sex until you are sure what he or she wants.

You may think that your ex is contacting you just because they want to be friends. While that may be case after awhile, it is usually not the case immediately up front. Your ex may have more than one reason for contacting you again, for example, they could be lonely and want sex. They could also be checking up on you and trying to make your jealous. Whatever the intentions are, it is important that you keep your eyes and ears open so you can avoid getting hurt and you know where you stand. Another great way to know, although you may not get a legitimate answer, is to simply ask.

Published by Lauren Romano - Featured Contributor in Lifestyle

Lauren is a freelance writer that predominantly writes about dating & relationships, celebrities, NYC, pets, decorating, crafts and fashion. She volunteers with animals and is grateful to have a job she...  View profile

9 Comments

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  • Jesse Schmitt2/20/2010

    Love that you picked out the booty call. hmmmmm....

  • J. Beirut10/31/2009

    Very realistic analysis!

  • LIVIN9/7/2009

    I had an ex contact me recently, so I was intrigued by this article. Hmmm... simmply ask? Who would of thunk it?

  • R. Elizabeth C. Kitchen (Rose)9/4/2009

    Nicely written :)

  • Pattie Byrd8/23/2009

    Different reasons. Sometimes I think they just want to make your life miserable if they are miserable. Shame with some can't move on. Good article.

  • Patricia Sheasley Sicilia8/21/2009

    Only time my ex contacted me was to say the child support check was in the mail -- right before he disappeared for 7 years.

  • Kassidy Emmerson8/20/2009

    Looks like you covered the reasons well!

  • Carol Bengle Gilbert8/19/2009

    Thought provoking.

  • Michael Segers8/19/2009

    Good ideas.

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