Recieving Grace

Awhile back, a few towns in Massachusetts experienced an unusual spat of tornados. It isn't common weather for this area but I felt an instant connection to the turmoil. I had been caught up in a cycle of worry and insomnia. I realized that my mind probably resembled those wind ravaged towns. I watched the news reports of the aftermath and clean up and thought, "I have got to get a handle on all the debris, swirling around in my head". There didn't seem to be any place for it to go. When I get stuck in that emotional state, my health and my family usually bear the brunt of the storm. I wanted desperately to get centered and calm, but how? I had been praying everynight for solutions but none seemed to be materializing.

So, I had a chat with a minister and good friend on the phone. All of my concerns, rushed passed the lump in my throat. Propelled by hopelessness and frustration, like a gale force they whipped through the air. "Oh Peggy, my son is moving my grandbabies to North Carolina. I don't think he has thought this through. My little sister is battling breast cancer and she is so brave but her toenails and fingernails are falling off. Why does she have to suffer like this. After seventeen years of being treated for fibromyalgia, I just started on medicine for Lupus. My spine is crooked beyond repair. I am in constant pain, why couldn't a doctor have figured all this out sooner before my joints deteriorated? I just can't sleep anymore. I am walking around the house, boxing up toys and kid stuff because it is too painful to see them. I feel like someone died. How can I live without being close to my grandbabies!"

Luckily, for Peggy, sobbing requires breathing. When I finally took a deep breath, she spoke. "You know, you have absolutely no control over any of this? she asked. Ofcourse, intellectually I knew that but I didn't know how to stop worrying about stuff and trying to fix things. I answered, "I just need help with worry, so I can sleep again." Peggy explained, "Sometimes we get in God's way when we are driven by this kind of grief stricken activity, instead of relying on Him". I thought, "Oh great, now I have to worry about what God could have done if I didn't butt in everywhere".

Peggy assured me that we can't get that much in His way. Nobody has that kind of power. She did suggest that I pray for God's grace to release every situation into His care. To ask Him to give me the grace to let go. She offered to pray with me and we prayed for grace. Then she cautioned, "Let Him take over, you can't do anymore, your body is telling you to slow down."

I did pray that prayer everynight as she had suggested. Everyday, I put more of the children's belongings into boxes and stored extra toys away in the attic. I disassembled the baby crib, washed out the kiddie pool, and tried to figure out what they could take with them and what they had to leave behind. On Friday's I had been going to my sister's house to clean and take meals over. Before bed, I started to take my new medication and began to feel grateful for it at last.

A few weeks ago, my daughter graduated from Bristol Community College. Our first college graduate in the family. It was a beautiful day and she looked perfect. My husband and I, arrived early to get good seats. A friendly woman sat to my left. She was warm and outgoing and in no time at all we were trading stories. I shared about my sister's battle and spoke about an upcoming fundraiser on her behalf. Halfway through commencement, this wonderful human being asked to by two $15.00 tickets. I was deeply touched by her kindness. I rooted around in my bag for the tickets as she pulled out her checkbook. Just as the ceremony came to a close she handed me the check.

The first thing that caught my eye was the dollar amount. I was holding a check for $100.00 for the purchase of two $15.00 tickets. "We all know someone with breast cancer", she said when she saw my surprise. I just had to hug her. Not only for her generous donation but more for what I read in the upper left hand corner of her check. This wonderful woman was named, GRACE! Tears of relief welled up in my eyes. That didn't seem to surprise her at all. I told her she had no idea what she had just done for me but that I would write her and send it to the address on the check. Grace said, "I look forward to that letter, I really want to keep in touch with you"!

Since that day, my grandbabies have moved away, my sister is about to undergo her second surgery and my lupus has given me a fresh crop of painful mouthsores. I also now, have the grace to deal with it. The Grace that sat beside me that day was not an angel by any means. She was however, the first Grace I ever met, to give away $100.00 to a complete stranger. When God personifies something for me, I take notice. I have learned a few things out of this experience. God does hear me and I do need to stay, "way out of His way" whenever possible. Tornados are not meant to be experienced in the mind and I have no control over anything.