Recipe for Crow

Major Crow--a recipe
Who needs a recipe for crow? Anyone, anyone? Here's the FBI crow story and not the Cheryl Crow or Admiral Crowe story...he was the head military man when I was in the military Admiral Crowe was. The FBI has cooked Crow so we could call it Major Crow. Jim Crow still exists where I live and we still have to wonder how the FBI arrogance has contributed to that recipe.

Patty Hearst...she was asking for it!
The FBI intervention is a 20th century creation as evidenced by the Patty Hearst fiasco, errh situation. What bad fortune to be named Hearst in 1973 I believe it was and someone decides to kidnap your stupid and precious (expensive) derriere. Excuse me because I was going to use the other word for that, but my editor-in-chief inclined me to not use that rude word. So anyway she got kidnapped and what else is new back in the early 70s. It was exciting in the days before 24 hour news...this WAS the beginning of the 24-hour news story since it lasted for a long time and bled over into CNN and ESPN's birth. What an idea that was! Do I hear a "WHAT WHAT"... I think she was detained--supposedly--for more than a year. It was a story for a bored and spoiled girl to talk about to her wealthy friends from private school. Look what I got away with! And of course she was charged with bank robbery...what a bummer man. It was a nice idea Patty Hearst hatched to get desperately desired attention. What's a REALLY rich kid to do to impress her friends? My friends and I'm sure your friends made reference to it in your yearbook...SLA LBJ! That's what a friend of mine wrote in my 9th grade yearbook.

So...what SEEMS to be the problem sir?
So now (today AND back then) I find myself detained and not given the benefit of a bank robbery trial to clear my sorry name...where's the luck. DARN THE LUCK as that notoriously ridiculous David Letterman would say. Can you FREAKING believe the FBI hired him AND put him on network ZTV to cover their hip-less brains. It's of course ZTV BECAUSE of Letterman who is the original clueless tv personnae. Who could top that level of lost-in-the-headlightsness that he has achieved. Did you know how weird and stupid he was when you begged NBC to put him on the air? Do you have somnia because he will force an exodus to other entertainment sources: probably drugs and rock n roll is my first guess. He drives people to distraction when he walks in with those insane two-tone shoes he wears. He force feeds that plan: yes, it is a plan to subvert intelligent behavior by a guy who apparently has no talent but that which the director (is it Mr Mueller now?) blesses him with. Good luck with that blessing because no one gets it.

So here I am as I mentioned being detained by a task force who doesn't need a label to identify itself because it would just draw attention to themselves doing important work. They are funded it would appear by the profits--there are profits?-- from being on tv. Didn't I mention they're on tv this task force is? The 24-hour news shows are a FBI/DOJ task force. What is their mission? Hmmm. What is their mission? Hmmm. I'm still trying to identify it because there is so much comically ridiculous abuse spouting from their fuming brains like a vinegar and baking soda volcanoe! Don't get angry Mr. Mueller because I forgave you for your mistakes in judgment in not pulling the plug on mayhem incorporated as one might describe it.. They're really just bored because of who knows what.

Can I help you sir?
The original intent of "assisting " me was to improve the product which is me. I took a crime-infested tv industry and made it into an ordered and law-abiding group when it was inclined toward (and still retains that inclination apparently) confidence schemes in a bizarre and alarming and outwardly apparent display. You see, tv or television signals--electromagnnetic signals-- can be manipulated to make life and business transactions difficult. I have to say that because the FBI can't admit it out loud. It is actually important to keep commerce comfortable for the honest and uncomfortable for the crooked.

So, now we're on the same page. I guess I'm on the same page as my honest television associates and the FBI is still pushing the load of manure up the hill: the top of the hill is where all the fun really begins. That's a meatphor the FBI has NEVER known how to react to.

Honestly, they are actually comfy smelling like manure.

Here's what I'm angry about
As the task force was put together in the 1960s...yes, there is a task force concerned with me that was formed WAY back in the 1960s (this is the same one today). Can you believe the FBI can't solve the problem which is me. They intervened in these not-so-amusing ways when I was a kid which is a long time ago.

NO, you can't
The infamous you-can't-play baseball is a devious notion in which the FBI intervened to tell or rather demand that the liitle league coaches NOT pick me to play on their team -- even though I was the fastest kid in the tryout--or any team as a matter of fact. This is what the FBI did.

You're not good enough
You will not play football either they said to my coach. My coach of a midget football team--I was eleven years old--was told to pull me off the field in a big game--it was an added game against a team from New York state that was seen as a sort of playoff game to us kids. I was substituted for at half time on the defensive line by an older kid who was not even on the team and who was forty pounds bigger than almost everyone. They squeezed him into a uniform that was WAY too small. It was a spectacle that no one knew what to make of. He played my defensive line position in the second half and also was put in on offense and , of course , he scored a touchdown since he was so much bigger than the weight-limit team.

You can't wrestle either
You can't wrestle either was the command given by the FBI to my junor school wrestling coach. I was positioned behind a great 105 pound wrestler as a junior high school wrestler. That star wrestler--a regional champ--got injured and my coach substituted a seventh grader instead of me--a ninth grader--who was seeded second at that weight to replace him in the lineup in a match. This was by FBI instructions.

Stay tuned to hear more of the not-so-innocent instructions given by the FBI to coaches and teachers in my growing-up town.