Reclaim Ownership of Your Life: Get Hot

Hot is not how I look, it's what I am. Inside.

I had the pleasure and delight of speaking with Alicia Marie Rivers, owner of digital media magazine JOLIE , and author of " The Pretty Thoughts of a Hot Chick: Foxy Notions for our Minds, Bodies, and Souls ." The book is an easy-going and flowing read that defines "hotness" and the concept of being a hottie in your spirit and soul.

Alicia says "having pretty thoughts are equivalent to dusting off the pain and moving on when your life feels stagnant and it seems you're not getting through or accomplishing what you want out of life. When I came up with the idea for Pretty Thoughts , I had just gone through a devastating break-up -- I lost my footing. One day, over a glass of wine and as I was writing an article for JOLIE, I started to cry -- I...sipped wine, cried, sipped some more wine, cried some more...then it came to me that the only way to change my circumstances was to change my thoughts."

Alicia says that she proceeded to write the book not only as therapy for her own situation, but also to find a way to encourage and inspire other women who are at the same crossroads looking for a way or a way out.

" The book took on a life of its own after that. It began as a series of humorous short stories or anecdotes, but became a set of helpful jewels, or quotes from various life experiences that I picked up along my way." A line here, a word there, a phrase here and there and ten months later, Pretty Thoughts was born. When asked if any of the people she expressed gratitude to in the book were "thank you as in thank you and goodbye for good ," she mentioned that there was only one: Her father.

" The hardest thing...to understand was how I shared the same lifeblood with what I determined to be a 'monster.' He was a very conceited and abusive man." In the process of purging and healing, Alicia faced her father's ghost to remind herself that the love she needed did not come from him, but from within. The comfort of using sex as a pacifier was quenched. As most girls who are deprived of a father figure at an early age tend to do, she fell into repetitious situations that only fueled a past filled with long-term fruitless relationships and plenty of regrets.

Alicia states that the pain of regret only projects farther into the future an endless cycle of self-hatred without a peaceful closure. In her words, [paraphrased] "Never allow the depth of love you have for a man to diminish your own dignity." Not even if that man is your own father.

Sensuality is sexuality plus self-truth about who you are'"it gets you close to the vamp and teaches you to co-exist peacefully with the lady. Says Alicia, "We get too antiseptic about sexuality...which only lends to denying ourselves a big piece of who we are."

" Hot chicks connect'"in relationships with family, friends, men, lovers, and more significantly with other women."

A hot chick balances out what doesn't benefit her and keeps intact what she wants and needs. She believes in herself even when no one else does. She also knows that a feeling of failure has a companion called " -- find another way."

It's no crime to say goodbye to an old dream and welcome with open arms a whole new one. You have to start somewhere.