Reclaiming Your Independence in a Relationship

When you first met your spouse did he or she know everything about you? The answer is no. Even if you weren't an enigma on par with the Sphinx or the Great Pyramid, you were, at least partially, a mystery - a puzzle of extraordinary pieces.

After marriage it is easy for all of the pieces to begin to slide together and make a complete picture as you and your partner begin to live with one another and actually plan towards a permanently conjoined future. For the most part, this is a wonderful thing. The more two lovers know about one another the more each can understand the point-of-view of the other during a pleasant conversation, an argument, or an across-the-room glance. However, the bad side of this situation begins to expose itself when your puzzle and your mysteries begin to take on the landscape and colors of your spouses'.

Few relationships feature two spouses on a complete 50/50 give and take in the personality department. One spouse will typically have a more dominant personality and the other spouse a submissive personality - one spouse gives and the other spouse takes. In the modern western world, this doesn't always hinge on the traditional male dominant and female submissive dynamic, but, more often than not, it does.

While the harmony that knowing your spouse inside-out brings to a relationship is priceless in a household that requires calm, the "knowing" takes away the mystery of love. Over time, the dominant spouses personality traits begin to be taken on by the less dominant partner and singular ambition may leave. If and when your relationship turns this way, you must be prepared and bold enough to stop the transition and acknowledge your true self.

Your partner choose to marry you because of your personality. When you take on his or her traits, you lose yourself. Fight against the parts of you that are foreign. If you find yourself wanting to do something and then stopping to analyze what your spouse would do or what they would want you to do, stop it. Ask yourself what you want to do and do it. Be bold.

Marriage is a partnership, but every partnership consists of individual partners. Remember yourself. Become an individual independent of your relationship. Allow your independence to strengthen the partnership and reinvigorate it as the original you reemerges.