Recognizing Abusive Teen Relationships

The thought of your teen being in an abusive relationship is probably quite distressing. The fact is that your daughter or son could be in an abusive relationship and you may not know it. This seems to be a growing epidemic among teens, as sad as that is. The signs of a teen abusive relationship may not be the same as an adult abusive relationship.

He/She must be able to contact your teen at any given moment. If your teen is never far from a phone of some kind, and must answer the phone immediately for fear of reprisal, then it could be an abusive relationship. We are not talking about, is just not wanting to miss a call, it is more of an "If I do not answer this phone immediately when he/she calls, I am in for some real trouble," fear of being hit, or what ever the other teen in the relationship decides to do to teach your teen a lesson or punish them in some abusive way. If your teen is being controlled by his or her cell phone, you probably do realize this part of the abusive relationship, but probably do not realize that there is abuse of your child if he or she does not answer the phone. If your child has a real fear of missing his or her phone call, you may have a teen in an abusive relationship.

He/She must be in control of the other. If your teen must "get permission" to be away from the other for one minute. If your teen must let Him/Her know what your teen is doing every second of everyday, it could be abuse. If your teen must tell the other in the relationship what your teen is doing every second of everyday, and ask permission to do things, with others possibly even family members and close family friends, there is very likely a problem of some sort, even if it has not gotten to the physical abuse stage.

Your teen is all of the sudden spending every waking moment he/she can with the other in the relationship. If your teen no longer sees or spends time with their friends of the same sex, or must ask permission of the other teen to spend any time with anyone other than that teen. Opposite sex relationships most likely are all ended, since your teen is definitely not allowed to have friends of the opposite sex, because of the abusive teen's jealous behavior and subsequent anger will not allow the abused teen to have friends of the opposite sex.

Your teen is wearing clothing that is "out of season", such as long sleeves in the summer, pants when it is 100 degrees outside. Chances are if your teen is being abused, (physically) they are trying to hide bruises from you. Your teen may make excuses, but if the behavior continues, you will want to ask them what is going on and not take the excuses any longer. You may wish to ask your teen to please go and put some shorts and a sleeveless shirt on and do not take no as an answer. You may notice bruises on your child. If this is the case, you should discuss what abuse is, and why it is NOT ok. You should also explain to your teen that this is NOT normal behavior and that love does NOT hurt.

Your teen is having way more 'accidents' than usual. If your teen is getting things like bruises on his/her face, black eyes, split or fat lips, and the story doesn't seem quite right, chances are it isn't. You will need to discuss this with your teen. If your teen makes excuses like "I made him/her mad, and I deserved it," or other things like that your teen is being abused and you should try to help your teen understand that he/she should end the relationship now, before something worse happens. If the abuse is physical, you may even wish to talk to him/her about pressing charges and or getting a restraining order or order for protection. You should realize though, that this is only a piece of paper, and if the other teen is abusive, it may not keep him/her from trying to hurt your child. You may need to take extra measures to make sure that you teen is safe. Things such as picking your teen up from school, and taking them to school, not allowing your teen to go by themselves anywhere for a while, until you can be sure that the abusive teen will abide by your wishes for he/she to stay away from your teen.

Your teen may be worried, more than what is normal, about upsetting the other teen. If your teen is more worried than he/she should be, you may wish to talk to him/her about what is normal and what is not. It is not normal for your partner to hurt you, not physically, and not verbally or mentally. Your teen should know this, but if it is not something you have discussed with your teen, you may want to.

If your teen comes home visibly upset often after being with the other teen. You should try to stay as close to your teen as you can, and let them know they can count on you to be there for them no matter what. If he/she is drifting away from you, or you do not feel as close to your teen as you used to, this could be normal or it could be part of the abuse. You should talk to your teen about why he/she is upset, and ask if he/she would like to talk about it. If your teen withdraws from you, you may wish to push the issue and tell him/her what you suspect. You teen may not realize that you suspect there is a problem, and is trying to hide it from you.

If your teen seems depressed often. Your teen may be sending you signs that he/she is being abused by a major change in his/her personality. Major personality changes can be noticed in abused teens. Your teen may be crying out for your help. If your child is usually happy and carefree, begins dating someone and then becomes sad and sullen, you should start trying to talk to your child, if you do not get answers or discover that your teen has been abused, be sure to get your teen professional help to deal with any issues that he/sh may have from this abuse.

Your first priority should be your teen. If you discover that your teen is being abused, help your teen to realize that this is not good, and he or she must end the relationship with this other person. Be supportive. Let your teen know that you are going to do everything you can to help him/her. It may be embarrassing to your teen that he/she let themselves get into this type of relationship. Let your teen know that you love them. Be willing to go to counseling or whatever type of help your teen needs to deal with this abusive situation.

If you are the parent of the abusive teen, get your teen professional help. Be supportive and be willing to attend counseling with your teen as well. If your teen is in need of help to stop abusing his/her boy or girlfriend, you should approach this lovingly and not yell or scream at them. Just let them know that you know he or she is abusive to the other teen and you are going to help them to stop being abusive. Abusive teens make abusive parents and spouses, you should never think that your teen will just grow out of it. You should also explain to them that his/her behavior is not normal and that you are getting them to someone who can help them to change his/her behavior. Let your teen know that you love them and are supportive of the changes he/she must make in their lives and that you love them.