Recognizing the Warning Signs of a Controlling Relationship
Having past experience with a controlling relationship, I'm going to share with you some of the warning signs, from my own personal experiences. One of the first things I can tell you is that someone who is controlling may try to control you as long as you may let them. By this I mean, that from the beginning, when you start noticing signs, if you allow them to take advantage of the situation, you are encouraging them to further continue with their abusive practices.
Lines have to be drawn. Things need to be communicated, early on, what is acceptable and not acceptable behavior. What may be viewed at first as jealousy can get easily out of control. Let someone know where you stand. If they know that you will not tolerate their behavior, they will likely show their abusive nature sooner, before you get too involved with them, or they will move on and seek an easier victim.
One of the major signs of a controlling person is jealousy. While some jealousy is not a bad thing, it becomes out of control if someone accuses you of things that you haven't done. For example....Making eye contact with someone of the opposite sex, exchanging a few words with strangers, or even close friends...even if you didn't initiate a conversation, working with co-workers if your job involves team work, etc.
Some or all of these things can set a controlling person off, causing them to abuse you either verbally, physically, sexually, or any combination of abuse.
No one is entitled to have that kind of say over another persons personal experiences. Cut this kind of behavior off right away. Show that you will not allow someone to abuse you in this manner.
Some of the other things such an abuser might try to control, is who you see, and when. They may not allow you to visit friends, or relatives, or have anyone come over, especially if they are not present. They may threaten you, or people you care about in order to maintain control over you. They may not allow you to go anywhere or do anything without them. They may take control over your car keys, your clothing, your money, or any other of your possessions.
They may not allow you to use the phone, or write letters. Or they may listen to your conversations and make off the wall accusations about you.
Be very careful about being in a relationship with these types of people, as the deeper you get, the harder it is to break free.
Published by Wendy Cheuvront
I am a 36 year old, single mom of two. My childhood and young adult life was a very trying time for me. I am recently learning to cope with and love life in it's fullest. View profile
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7 Comments
Post a CommentThis describes accurately describes my wife.She tries to decide who I talk to what music and movies I listen to and see. I haven't even been out in 3 years because I don't have anymore fight left in me.
hello I don't know you,but I know She is tellin U right about the abuse relationship I just got out sep. 3 ,2009 he stated as a wonderful man I was workin a wonderful job. I loved it. I really don't know what went wrong an our relationship but I new what went wrong with him, he started to get will jealouses an he didn't want me around my friends or family. When he stop all of that than he started it to put his hands on me he keep on sayin he wasn't going to do it know more but it just keep on happening.See they keep on apologize but it was just getting worse, worse, and more worse. The last time he had put his hands on me he knocked out my front 2 teeth. He cryed all night long then he dicide to say he will stop drinkin, put sometime's he would put his hands on me evenin if he not drinkin so I know it was a problem. So after he knocked my 2 teeth out of my mouth. One day, my cousin had came over to spend time with me. When I got home. He told me that he was goin to take his gun and fin
Its always good in the beginning I am in a relationship every thing changed when we moved in together i am pregnant now it has got to the point of putting his hands on me while i am pregnant i feel so alone and trapped!i dont know what to do it never gets better as far as i can see he said i promise i will never do it again and every hit is harder than the last.we have been together for almost ayear the abuse started a few months ago He is extremely jealous he is court ordered to take anger management and some other things this last time he went to jail there were witnesses and if he even comes near me he goes straight to jail maybe its a good thing,it always gets worse
Eva...you need to get out...especially if there is a child involved...it won't get better, only worse.
One thing that you have to remember is that you "can't change someone", you can only change yourself.
If he has been violent with you and it is documented...get an PFA (Protection from abuse) order.
I understand that you love him...or are at least feeling that you do...but how happy are you?
How happy will you be when he cuts off your communication with all your friends and family? How will you feel when your baby son or daughter never gets to meet and spend time with your family?
How will you feel when he starts doing to your baby the things he has done to you, and maybe worse?
My son's father had threatend to CUT him out of my womb...just because I was pregnant and couldn't handle the forced sex he wanted to inflict on me daily.
There is nothing you can do to change this person. They may act nice for a while, to keep you...then it will go back the way it was.
Well how do you stand up to these people??? I never bothered to look this up and now Im having a child with this person. I love him very much.. I ran away a few times and hes stop with somethings.. but still trys to control what i wear and who i talk to.. i need help =(
Been there and done that, unfortunately. What is amazying is how they quickly backtrack and apologize when you say something about their ignorant behavior, and you think that's the end of it. Until it gets worse the next time, and worse, and worse, and hell, I could go on forever about that. But, I don't need to tell you that, since you already know it. LOL! BB!
You are right and I agree with you .