Recreation Softball is Not Life!

Like many other males over the age of 30, I try to keep my competitive spirits flowing by playing in various slow-pitch softball leagues. I'm getting too old to hit an 85 mile per hour fastball, so slow pitch is very ideal for me!

I do admit that I occasionally take the game too serious, but overall, I'm usually a good sport whether I win or lose. I mean, it is recreation softball . . . if you take softball too serious, then you need help!

Unfortunately, some people do take it too serious. Some of these grown adults that I play with act like softball is life! They will sacrifice every weekend and several weeknights away from their families to play softball, during which time they will often argue with umpires and ridicule teammates whenever they make an error or hit into a double play. Get a life, people! These people are so annoying. What great role models for the kids, huh?

The softball players that annoy me the most are the ones that think the entire world cares about their performance. For example, I was at a sports store the other week, as I was in dire need of new batting gloves. I had grown attached to my current batting gloves, but they had literally ripped apart, so I really had no choice in the matter. As I was browsing through batting gloves, a man of about 40 years of age walked up next to me and began looking at softball bats. Moments later, he looked over at me and asked me if I played softball. After confirming I was a softball player, the man started a lengthy conversation about various softball leagues and tournaments. I was content with this conversation because I am always looking for new tournaments to play in.

The conversation started out as pleasant; however, it soon became pathetic. This man eventually started talking about his own statistics. He informed me that he had a batting average of 0.800 and that he had hit over 10 homeruns last season. He went on by saying that he has the strongest arm in his league and that he threw out a runner from center field last week. At this point, I just wanted to yawn. The man continued by stating that he had once went 14 consecutive at bats with a hit. I stood there in total boredom, wondering what made this man think that I actually cared about his softball performances. What did this man want? Did he want me to pat him on the back and ask him to be on my team because he is so awesome? Did he want me to ask him for an autograph? Did he want me to come watch him play? Did he want me to be his BFF? Did he want me to be jealous? Honestly, I had put up the same kinds of stats that he did, but I have too much pride to shamelessly share my stupid numbers with him. All I care about is having a good time with my teammates.

Seriously, though, this conversation was ridiculous. Eventually, I could take no more of this silly chat. I quickly picked up a random pair of batting gloves and informed the man that I had to get going. The man said goodbye to me and continued to stand in front of the softball bats. I wondered if he was shopping for bats or if he was just standing there waiting for the next person to stop by so he could bore another victim with his meaningless stats.

Come on, folks, get a life! It's pathetic enough to hear an 18 year old brag about his sports success, but to hear it from a 40 year old man is five times as sad! Nobody cares! Did you hear me? NOBODY cares! And if by chance you do find somebody that cares, then you have found a person that is even more pathetic than you. If somebody actually enjoys listening to that crap, then he is probably in desperate need of friends. Somebody that brags about their softball stats is probably in desperate need of friends, too, so this could be a match made in heaven!

Your name is not Albert Pujols nor is it Alex Rodriguez. You are just one of the many guys that was never good enough to even play college baseball. You probably didn't even make the starting lineup on your varsity high school team! I'm sorry you were never able to reach your goals of playing professional baseball, but you need to get over it. Becoming an all-star softball player is not going to get you a contract with the New York Yankees, so stop acting like it. Act your age! If you want to brag about something, then brag about your 10 year old son, who hit his first homerun in little league last week. But, of course, you can leave out the part about you not hitting YOUR first home run until you were 35!