REDASTRA: Jeremy's Birthday

Jeremy's Birthday

Scene at Jeremy's house, Jeremy is getting ready for school

Jeremy: It's my birthday. Presents, cake and ice cream. Birthday...

Mrs Lylat: Jeremy? Jeremy, are you ready yet?

Jeremy: In a minute, Mom!

Mrs Lylat: Are you excited about today, sweaty?

Jeremy: Yeah! Can I have my friends over today?

Mrs Lylat: Uh, no....no, not today. You can have them over on Saturday, so we can have a party.

Jeremy: Kick ass!

Mrs Lylat: Language, bubby!

Ext - Mercy street - Morning

Jeremy is walking down the street to the bus stop. Tim; the gay sixth former, hops up next to Jeremy

Tim: Party, ice cream.

Jeremy: That's right Tim. Now go away so I can get ready.

Tim: Don kick da baby.

Jeremy: I will have to if you don't leave.

Jeremy: Go away!

Tim hops away

Jeremy: I wish he would speak English.

Ross: That's Tim for you.

Ross passes him.

Jeremy: I know. He's gay.

Scene at the bus stop

Jeremy: I can't believe it's already my birthday!

Shiffs: It's your birthday? I thought it was July 1st.

Jeremy: No, that's your birthday, idiot!

Shiffs: Oh...then I thought it was October 19th.

Jeremy: Christ! Mine is today, May 26th, pervy!

Shiffs: No, that's Kyle's birthday!

Kyle: Mine is March 22nd.

Shiffs: No, that's Ade's!

Ade: No, it's October 19th.

Shiffs: Didn't I say that already?

Jeremy: You thought that was mine, remember?

Shiffs stares at him

Shiffs: No...your birthday is July 1st.

Jeremy: THAT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!

Shiffs: Oh, then yours is October 19th.

Ade: No, that's mine!

Shiffs: Then Kyle's is May 26th.

Kyle: That's Jeremy's birthday!!

Shiffs: Isn't that today?

Ade/Jeremy/Kyle: YES!!

Shiffs stares at them again

Shiffs: Oh, Happy Birthday Jeremy!

Jeremy: mumbling Sweet mother of Jesus...

The bus pulls up

Ms. Crabtree: Get on! We're running late!

Ade: Whatever.

Ms. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Ade: I said "Whatever", man!

Ms. Crabtree: Oh...OK then.

Scene in class

Mr. Acet: OK, children, take your seats. Today, you have some stupid studying to do, and then I'll give you all 50 pages of homework due the next day.

Jeremy raises his hand

Jeremy: It's my birthday today. Do I still have to do that?

Mr. Acet: It wouldn't be fair to the other children.

Ade: Mr. Acet, it's my birthday too!

Shiffs: What? I thought yours was October-

Ade: Shut up, pervy!

Mr. Acet: It's your birthday too? What are the odds of that Mr. Hat?

Cara: Wait! It's mine too!

Clyde: And mine!

Sharon: And mine.

Daryl: And mine!

Roberta: Me too.

Nicole: Yes, and me also.

Kyle: Me too.

Richie: Me too.

Craig: And me.

Becky: Yeah!

Shiffs: WHAT?!?!

Mr. Acet: Well, if all of you except Robert have a birthday, I guess only Robert does the work.

Shiffs: Dam!!

Kids are walking home from school

Jeremy: Thanks, Ade! I owe you big time!

Kyle: Yeah, if it weren't for you, that dumb fuck would have given us 50 pages of homework!

Ade: Thanks.

Shiffs: Well, your stupid bitch girlfriend stood up for you, and now I have 50 pages
of homework!

Jeremy: Well, if you would have said, "me too!" instead of "WHAT? " you wouldn't have homework!

Shiffs: Stupid git.

Ade: Can we come over today, Jeremy?

Jeremy: Err...no...you can't.

Ade: We can't?

Kyle: Why not?

Jeremy: I'm not really sure. My mom said that you guys can come over on Saturday and
we can have a party.

Ade: What's wrong with today?

Jeremy: Well, if they're showing me a big surprise, maybe they don't want you to see it yet.

Shiffs: Huh?

Ade: He means that we can't see the big surprise yet, idiot!

Shiffs: Ay!

Ade: OK, I understand. See ya tomorrow!

Kyle: Yeah, see ya.

Jeremy: Bye.

Jeremy goes into his house and turns on the lights

Mrs Lylat/Gerald: SURPRISE!!

Tim: Surprise.

Jeremy: Huh?

Mrs Lylat: Surprise, bubby! Have a good birthday so far?

Jeremy: Yeah man! I got out of homework!

Mrs Lylat: That's wonderful! We have a surprise for you in the backyard!

They show him a swimming pool

Jeremy: Holy...

Gerald: Isn't it great, Jeremy?

Jeremy: Oh my God!! I must tell Ade!

He starts running, but Mrs Lylat grabs him

Mrs Lylat: This is why I want them to come over on Saturday. We can have a pool party!

Jeremy: SWEET!

School

Mr. Acet: Robert, did you do your homework last night?

Shiffs: Uh.... yeah.

He hands him a couple sheets of paper

Mr. Acet: There are only four pages here! You get detention until summer.

Shiffs: Aw, dam it!

Class laughs

Ade: So what did you get yesterday?

Jeremy: I'm not telling you, just bring your swimsuits.

Shiffs/Ade: OK.

Ext - Shiffs house - Afternoon

Int - Shiffs house

Kyle is using the phone.

Kyle: That's right Sheer, me proud Hollywood beauty. A bunk up on my friend's birthday, with a whole afternoon to ourselves. I'll bring the vodka; you bring those saucy bits of string. What do ya say?

Pause

Kyle: Yes! Oh god! (Panting)

Kyle holds up the telephone lead.

Kyle: If only this thing was plugged in.

Shiffs walks in wearing a robe.

Shiffs: Kyle help!

Kyle; What?

Shiffs: I'm wearing my swimsuit.

Kyle: I have no reason to see it.

Shiffs: The thing is, they are so tight, I can't get them off.

Kyle: Ah!

Shiffs: Your going to have to help me get them off.

Kyle: All right, lets see.

Shiffs open the robe. Kyle looks suspicious.

Kyle: Is that it?

Shiffs: Yes.

Kyle: No wonder they are so tight. I'll get the scissors.

Shiffs: What!

Kyle: Got any better ideas?

Kyle gets a pair of scissors. And out of view from the dressing gown, cuts in to the swimsuit.

Shiffs: Wa! AAAAAAAAAh!

Kyle: Ok, that's it.

Shiffs: Do you now painful that was?

Kyle: No.

Shiffs: Well anyway, I think I've overgrown may 26 waist.

Kyle: 26! What that in then? Feet? Yards? Miles?

Shiffs: Have you finished?

Kyle: Yes, goodnight.

Kyle walks out.

Shiffs: Selfish git.

Ext - Kyle's house - Morning

Int - Kyle's House

Kyle's uncle is visiting. Kyle finds his gloves in a puddle of beer on the floor.

Kyle: For the love of...Uncle! Why did you spill beer on my gloves?

Stuart: Huh? Why did you throw your gloves in my beer puddle?

Kyle: Beer puddle?

Stuart: Yeah!

Kyle: Whatever.

Puts gloves on

Kyle: Damn alcoholic!

Jeremy's house, all four boys are in the backyard

Ade: Whoa!

Kyle: A swimming pool! Why didn't you tell us to bring swimsuits?

Ade: He did on Thursday, see?

Ade holds up his swimsuit, and then Shiffs holds up his, which is very small and has a big cut in it.

Jeremy: HAHAHA! That's your swimsuit?

Shiffs: Shut up!

Mrs Lylat comes outside with a cake

Mrs Lylat: Happy birthday, Jeremy!

She sets the cake down; one of the candles falls on Kyle's hand, which catches his whole arm on fire because of the alcohol soaked gloves.

Kyle: AHHHHHH!!

Kyle starts running up the ladder of the pool

Mrs Lylat: No, Kyle! The pool isn't filled yet!

Kyle: Huh?

He falls to the bottom of the pool. Ade runs up to him.

Ade: Kyle! You all right down there?

Kyle: No I'm 100% Snaphu.

Jeremy: Is he all right?

Ade: Nothing a year in the tropics wouldn't fix. Hey isn't that chocolate cake?

Shiffs: Oh, chocolate!

THE END