Redefining Toddler Insomnia

So your toddler won't sleep. You are not alone. Many parents experience the challenges of difficult bedtimes and repeated night wakings. If you have tried traditional sleep training and are still struggling, it may be time for a new approach. Toddler sleep problems may be solved when you learn to flow toward sleep with your child rather than enforcing an exact bedtime in top-down, authoritarian manner.

One of the most important things to remember is that one size does not fit all. There are usually two reasons that a toddler is not sleeping as expected:

- She needs help transitioning into sleep.

- She is not actually ready for sleep and is not receiving internal cues to head in that direction.

The second scenario is more difficult for parents to deal with, but it doesn't make it less true that people thrive on a wide variety of sleep schedules.

Taking the approach of curing toddler insomnia may make your evenings more difficult if you are seeing a problem with your child where there is none. You may be trying to heavily promote sleep an hour or two before your child's body is actually ready for it.

Try the approach of running your own sleep lab, closely observing your child to determine what his sleep cues are. Once you understand his true indicators of sleep, you can respond with the type of support that works for him. Sometimes determining sleep cues is a simple and straightforward process. Your child may rub his eyes, yawn, or look lethargic. Other children may express sleepiness through increased restlessness or even physical aggression. Look for those behaviors typically occurring in the last hour or two before sleep.

The toddler bedtime solutions detailed below are common ways of assisting children into sleep, but be aware of three important points:

- Promoting sleep will not work if your child is not truly ready for sleep. Watch for those very first sleep cues, and then act.

- A technique that soothes and calms one child may stimulate another. Experiment with toddler sleep tips and don't be afraid to discard the ones that don't work.

- Some children respond well to a gradual wind-down before bed, while others seem to need plenty of activity. Again, think in terms of a sleep lab. Observe your child to see what kind of activity makes for the smoothest transition.

Evening Bath. For some, this is a perfect wind-down activity, especially when you add a few drops of calming lavender oil to the bathwater. For others, this is a stimulating, fun and active time of splashing and playing.

Storytime. Does hearing a story induce a calm, passive state in your child, or does she get excited and more actively involved in the story? Being stimulated by storytime is not a bad thing if it helps your child work out her last energetic kinks before she falls asleep.

Supported and rhythmic motion. What works for infants also works for toddlers. If your toddler seems stuck at the threshold of sleep, try a ride in a car, stroller, or carrier.

Protein-based snack. Many parents find that offering a protein-based snack just before bed ushers in healthy toddler sleep because it stabilizes blood sugar.

Burst of energy prior to bedtime. Experiment with chasing your child, playing hide and go seek, or offering a trampoline for bouncing. One last burst of activity (or two or three!) may be exactly what your child needs.

Dimmed lights and decreased stimulation. You may find that a dimmer switch is your best friend in the hour or two immediately preceding sleep. Take a look at your own activities to see if they are disturbing your toddler's transition into sleep. You may need to avoid television and/or loud activities during this time. On the other hand, your attempts to provide a calming environment may irritate more than they soothe. Follow your child's cues.

Familiar video. Storytime not working?A video could be just what you need to tip the balance. Some toddlers who are stimulated by storytime are more passive and calm when watching a favorite video. For those children not responsive to storytime in the evening, try using it as a wake-up activity in the morning.

Companionship. Your toddler may need more one-on-one attention from you during the last hour or two before sleep. In fact, she may be staying up later to get the attention she seeks. Also, don't discount the value of cuddling your child to sleep or staying close by until she is sleeping. Humans have slept in close proximity to other humans for thousands of years, so our need for companionship is hardwired into us. If your child approaches sleep more smoothly with you by her side, it's completely natural.

Respond to night waking. What if your toddler transitions beautifully into sleep but wakes at night? Traditional advice would have you firmly instruct your child to go back to sleep, but if you're seeking a gentle parenting response, know that a period of activity during the night may be exactly what your child's body needs during a particular developmental stage.

His brain may be whirring so quickly with new ideas and skills that having an opportunity for intense play for an hour or so at night may send him quickly back into restful sleep. Don't be afraid to experiment and learn. If you're willing to wake at night with a newborn, try to extend that same courtesy to your toddler.

Find your ideal bedtime. Even though we have been culturally conditioned to expect young people to march off to bed hours earlier than adult family members, this may not be the ideal solution for your family. You may see the best results in terms of ease of transition and quality of rest when you and your child go to bed at the same time.

Routine or no routine? Much is made of bedtime routines in traditional sleep training circles. Should you develop a routine and stick to it? By all means, use a routine if it works, but as with everything, don't be afraid to discard it if it causes more stress. This is about observing your toddler and flowing with the cues you see.

Children change day-by-day and moment by moment. The more flexible you can be, the better. While a familiar routine may be perfect for one child, another may require more variation.

Finally, look at your day as a whole to determine if it promotes good rest. Is your toddler getting enough to eat, with frequent or constant access to snacks? Is there enough opportunity for activity during the day? Is your child overstimulated by a hectic family schedule? Is there enough opportunity for one-on-one connection? Addressing these broader issues may yield significant results.

Remember, the name of the game is to watch, experiment and learn. When you respond to your child's cues, she will learn to respond to them herself in time. By taking the atypical approach of flowing into sleep with your child, you'll be building a foundation for a strong relationship and healthy sleep habits for years to come.