Redemtion

Ever since the beginning of the series of books entitled "The Theories" came out not so long ago by some unknown author, the references to certain events in those theories went un-noticed or rather un-cared for. In other words, what happened was that people got confused.......because of the monkeys. In fact, people were so confused about the monkeys that any of among a myriad of questions that could have been asked and would have been ultimately very interesting to hear were by-passed for questions about monkeys. Most of these questions were mis-leading the people who read the first book about the theories. The eventuality was that people who wanted to become of the crowd asking silly questions about monkeys thought the whole book had been about monkeys and never mind that sixty plus pages kept referring back to reflection and time. What people reflected on was that they had time to ask about monkeys and this was generally regarded as a better move (by them).

Up to this point, and if I was ever going to start a sentence with up to this point it would be this one that enhances the next book or rather the next description of the next theory, their reaction to a well-thought-out and thought-provoking insinuation was regarded as a normality. Usually, if you fall asleep reading about a theory, the author does not get upset because falling asleep reading to it is supposed to happen. In fact, the previous book encouraged itself because the author is against coffee and sleeping pills. The purpose of the next book is not to describe the antics of monkeys to the un-suspecting public who will ultimately want to know what happened to the freaking monkeys (and, humorously enough, they won't be talking about the band). What the next book is about is simply about learning to forgive those that have wronged you in some way like, say, for example, people who can't take you seriously because at some point in your writing career you chose to write about monkeys and never mind all the nasty conclusions they would have gotten if it were the monkeys writing about me.

The monkey issue has become like a tick on my back; the longer it stays there, the stronger the tick gets and the weaker I get. This issue is easily resolved with the help of monkey-off-back ointment. I use what in the next book will be called "The Theory of Redemption". It's so hard to learn to forgive in this day and age and, especially, to forgive animals (like monkeys). The next book aims to empower people to do what they wish with their lives with a rule or two on the way. It's not a self help book. It's so far away from a self-help book that if you were to use it as a self-help book, you might end up hurting others (and, you know, some monkeys). There are possibilities where it can be "helpful" but as in general use. It could be used as a wedge for a door or to climb higher altitudes (if the book were thick enough). You can throw it at somebody and thus promote literacy among your peers. If they throw it back, it means that, at least, they have read the title.

In the title are the words Theory and Redemption and somewhere in between should be forgive me for thinking of the sins you talked to me about last night while I was awake. It isn't "me" that needs forgiving though; it's my illustrious non-use of the word sex. Instead of "forgive" you could say "we were talking about" and instead of all that other junk, just, "sex." And on days when you wish to convey some form of sad message: "We weren't talking about sex." In the end, your eyes will be the one's saying "I'm sorry" and you don't need to do it. For what? I mean, the human mind has a million ways to say that it's not feeling comfortable about what's going to happen because of what didn't happen. Just ignore that bit, don't say "forgive me" because what you're really doing is feeling bad for doing something onto others and the "remedy" of such things is hardly ever two little words. In the event of farts, burps and the occasional loud scream of horror (because you've realized that no matter how much you try to escape it your whole life is about monkeys), you can "excuse" yourself. It was you that committed the crime; you're trying to let people know but by saying excuse me you're also assuring them that you're not that sorry about what you did because you shouldn't feel bad about what you can't control.

So, ladies and gentlemen, don't feel too bad about only asking questions about monkeys. I assure you that I know it's something that you can't control. However, if after this point, after I have mentioned how not well rested I am from reading my own books, and how I "appreciate" all the monkey-love, you still have the nerve to ask me a question about a f**ing monkey, I might, with all due respect, tell you to kiss my hairy, non-monkey a++.

Book, in this essay, and upcoming attachments, refers to continuing arguments where Redemption (and maybe monkeys) is involved. It is not a book but a series of works which if put together in a series of numbered pages could add up to a book, if all of a sudden one-hundred blank pages were added to them.