Rediscover Your Spouse When the Kids Go to College

You just dropped off your last child at college. For the last 18+ years, your life has revolved around your kids. You went to their sports activities. You cooked for them. You ate with them. You spent all of your spare time with them. Now that child is gone and you are left alone with your spouse. It is more than likely that this person will be a stranger to you. After all, even when you did get time alone, conversations were more likely to be centered on the child or not. Sure, you also talk about work, the house, and extended family members, but because so much of your time was taken up by your kids, you have not had time to focus on each other. It is now time for you and your spouse to reconnect with each other.

Start your time together with a second honeymoon so that you and your spouse can reconnect. Immediately after you drop your kids off at school, go a secluded location for at least a week where you will have nothing to focus on but each other. Spend that time reminiscing about old time and planning for new times ahead.

Make a list of things you did together before you had children. Decide which of these things you are still interested in doing. Do not cross off all of your old activities as frivolous things young people do. Choose at least one of these old activities to do together to help you reconnect.

Start a weekly hobby or activity that you can do together. You now have more time to spend together. Take it. Choose one of your old activities, or find a new one such as softball, bowling, or perhaps painting that you can do together once a week. Make a midweek commitment for this activity, as it will prevent you from waiting until the weekends to reconnect with your spouse.

Establish new routines that put each other first. Since you have spent so many years putting your children first, you need to now establish new routines that will put one another first. Bring your spouse coffee in the morning. Rub your spouse's feet at night. Take the time you used to spend doing things for your kids, and give it back to your child.

Do not forget to also focus on yourself. In reconnecting with your spouse after your kids have left home; do not forget to also reconnect with yourself. If you do not nurture your individual needs and wants, you will not have much to offer to your spouse, as you will become unhappy as you wait for someone else to be your source of happiness.