Rediscovering Sex when the Nest is Empty

A married friend called me this morning and asked me if he could come over and borrow tools from my garage. I asked him what he needed and he laughed as he said, "I need a bunch of things, I'm going to fix everything! Truth is, I've got to get away from my wife, she is turning into a sex maniac!" I could hear her laughing in the background. She had seemed much happier lately.

"Put her on the phone." I instructed, and when he did so. "You and I have to talk." We set up an interview. My friend is among a growing number of people who came to sexual maturity during the sexual revolution. People who had active sex lives, then became parents and right now are becoming couples again. When it comes to sexual advice she is my go-to girl.

"It's amazing." She giggled. "We can make NOISE again!" She related tales of being with her husband on her couch, in the shower, and even in her kitchen, "Just like when we were kids!" I reminded her that none of us are kids and we were technically not kids then either and she said, "Well that's not how it feels."

After talking to her for an hour or so I started to realize that, at the tail end of the baby boomers, she is in a unique position (no pun intended) to explore sexuality without worrying about pregnancy, venereal disease, or social stigma. Her claim that her sex life, "Has never been better." were true simply because she could enjoy her husband with no inhibitions.With her permission, and under condition of anonymity, she related these tips that the rest of us can use to improve our own sex lives:

Use Your Whole House:
As I mentioned before, there are many places to enjoy your spouse, anywhere that is comfortable for both of you and out of sight of neighbors and passers-by is fair game. Remember to lock the doors, just because your kids don't live with you anymore doesn't mean they won't pop in from time to time.

Show Your Body:
Your spouse has seen your body go through all kinds of changes, many of them beneficial to both of you. Fell free to walk from place to place with no clothes on. Gone are the days when your four year old would wander in for comfort at one a.m. or your teen-ager would be wandering in at about that time.

Go Away Together:
Now that your daughter doesn't need a ride to band practice and you don't have to worry about your son throwing a rave in your house. You can plan a weekend at a local resort or a week on the beach. Explore new places in the world and on each other!

Indulge:
Trying to raise responsible teenagers who learn best by example meant having to curb your thirst for your favorite wine and other things that are not healthy in more than moderate amounts. Some intoxicants lower inhibitions, if you are having a hard time getting back into "That Loving Feeling" maybe one extra glass of wine won't hurt, after all who is going to mind? You won't be driving and no one will know but your grateful spouse.

Polish up Your Act:
Now that the kids are gone you may have a bit of extra money to spend on yourself. You might want to buy some flattering clothing, get a massage together or try a new hairstyle. Remember when you would spend a lot of time getting ready for a date with your spouse. Nothing has changed but times! Look good, feel good.

Be Careful:
Not to reign in your enthusiasm, but remember that a few years have passed since you could swing from the jungle vines. Experiment with positions and places carefully. If your kids do pop in for a visit, you don't want that visit to take place in the hospital!

If the look on my dear friends faces is any indication of the kind of sex you can have when your children leave your home, then there are good times ahead. With a little planning and forethought you can feel like you did in your twenties and rediscover the magic that made you fall in love in the first place!