Redneck Farm Town: What Facebook Needs

I recently succumbed to peer pressure from family and friends on Facebook (how's that for alliteration?) to start farming. Anyone who spends even a small amount of time on the social networking site Facebook is familiar with Farm Town, Farmville, My Farm, Farmsalot, Farmaddiction, Farmcraze or whatever all the other Facebook farming applications are called. I started two farms - one on Farm Town and one on Farmville.

I've actually enjoyed the farming fun while planting and harvesting, collecting milk and truffles and angora and improving my two little farms.

There are some pretty interesting things that can be "bought" with the coins earned on both Farm Town and Farmville. The first building I added to my Farm Town farm was an outhouse. I thought that was appropriate, because you know, everybody's gotta go - especially after a hard day of watering, weeding, harvesting the mango trees and planting sunflowers. An outhouse is necessary because dropping drawers and going wherever is just not okay on my farm.

There are barns, silos, tool sheds, houses, lawn gnomes, bird houses, trees, wells, ponds, paths, picnic tables and lots of other goodies that can be added to a Facebook farm.

Unfortunately, nobody has created a farm with gifts and decorations that are really useful, coupled with a sense of humor. If I knew how to create a farm application for Facebook, here's what I'd create: Redneck Farm Town.

Redneck Farm Town doesn't have fancy houses to purchase. There are campers and mobile homes (and before anyone gets upset and accuses me of dissing rednecks - I live in a mobile home myself and redneck is a lifestyle I am quite familiar with) and other shacks of assorted assembly (think wooden shipping pallets - woohoo!).

Redneck Farm Town has perks that are befitting any real life redneck homestead. There are non-running, rusted-out cars that are missing the wheels and maybe the bumpers. These cars do serve a function though - they double as storage. On Redneck Farm Town, you can store your crops, your Christmas decorations and your off-season clothing in the parked cars. There is no need to spend money on a storage shed.

Redneck Farm Town also features a number of other decorative improvements that are must-haves for the redneck farm: Tractor tire flower beds, toilet lawn ornaments and the high end redneck requirement of living room furniture for the yard. The choices are broken recliner for solitary reflection, busted couch for family togetherness or a worn out love seat for a romantic redneck tryst in the yard.

Accessories are another necessity at Redneck Farm Town. Forget those namby-pamby whitewash fences and polite-company birdhouses. Nope - at Redneck Farm Town you can outfit your hick haven with barbed wire, electric fences and other security measures such as bear traps. At Redneck Farm Town, neighbors know better than to wander around visiting adjacent farms - they could get killed! Let your neighbor water and weed his own darn farm - it's his after all! If he'd get off his lazy hind end and do his own work then it wouldn't look so bad.

If you, like me, have found yourself irritated by unknown stalkers on Farm Town who follow you home from a trip to the marketplace, Redneck Farm Town offers a shotgun to take care of those unstable avatars. At Redneck Farm Town - shoot first, ask questions later. You never can be too careful.

The only animals available at Redneck Farm Town are coonhounds, goats and chickens. The goats really serve a dual purpose: No need to mow the yard when there's a goat free ranging on your farm.

What is the crop of choice at Redneck Farm Town? Tobacco. Not politically correct, but quite lucrative.

Be watching Facebook for the Redneck Farm Town. Keep watching and waiting, and watching and waiting because it will never happen. But one can wish and have redneck dreams, can't they?