Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

I can't believe it. What is-? I mean...It's, it's, it's a grave injustice is what it is!

Ok, Chester, slow down. Deep breath.

Breaths in deeply for about 6 seconds, and then exhales for the same amount of time. He repeats the breath, this time raising his arms above his head. As he exhales he touches his palms together and lowers them to his heart.

Alright. Good. Zen. I am one. One with the everything and the everything with me.

Sorry to come out here and yell at you, Undi. But I'm calm now. I am. I swear. Look you try being perfectly calm on a day like mine.

Is life this complicated on other planets? Do you have to deal with the hypocrites, the criminals, the idiots, the shlubs who don't give a second thought to anything outside themselves, and the other useless people that I seem to run into on a regular basis?

Ok, I know, you don't have to tell me. Calm. Feel the Chi. Breaths deeply. Ommmmmmmmmmmmmm. Ommmmmmmmmmmm. Alright.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lose my head. It's this town. Too small. Everyone gets stuck in it. The guy who owns the corner store, works in the corner store, stocks the shelves, counts the money in the register, and never worries that those plastic bags he's giving me are helping to destroy the planet.

How hard is it, really? I mean, you get it, right? You understand that planets can die. You've seen it. Ours is hooked to a respirator and we're all pulling the plug. Maybe I could join you one day, you know, when the oceans rise and flood all the land and the air is too filthy to breath. Is that possible? Do you have the technology to get me up there? We don't. Or if we do they don't tell us because they'd hate for us to have a way to escape from them. But we probably don't. It would be great to meet you, though, after talking for so long.

I could stay as long as I like. Don't have to worry about work anymore. Yeah, that's actually why I came out here. I had to talk to someone. Jeff Marsley fired me today. Can you believe it? Fired! Me! Was I the one cutting corners in the sorting line? Was I the one holding conveyor belt races when we could have gotten an extra ton of rubber recycled? Was I the one who goes through an average of twelve, yes twelve, Styrofoam cups a day at the water jug? Doesn't anyone understand that Styrofoam never ever ever decomposes? It'll just sit in a landfill forever. It'll probably outlive us. So is it so hard for someone to reuse their destructive little cup when they want to waste some water satiating their useless existence?

But I guess nobody understands recycling down at the rubber recycling plant! Not even the boss. See, I caught Marsley dumping treatment chemicals out in the men's bathroom. Toxic chemicals! It's no joke.

Three days ago, I left my Warosoku candles that I bought during lunch in my locker, so I came back after hours to get them. I can't meditate without my Warosokus. So I'm getting my bag out, but I can't leave before I use the bathroom. When I open the door, there's Marsley dumping toxic waste into the urinal. He tried to hide it, tried to make it look like an innocent drink. But I know the truth. I see it in his eyes. He thinks he's clever, thinks he's sneaky, but he can't escape my flawless pollution detection. He's siphoning chemicals little by little into that Gatorade bottle and dumping them into the water supply. I know that toxic blue liquid anywhere. And who dumps their "just-a-Gatorade drink" down the urinal? Marsley tried to give me some crap about the sink being clogged, but I know better. Who knows why he does it? Money, power, fame, glory, well, probably money. He hopes he can save a little dough by evading the chemical processing procedure, figures his pollution will be less detectable in the sewer system. But I won't let him hide behind his scandal. I'll tell everyone, get the entire factory to go on strike until Marsley is dishonorably dismissed from his position.

I had to go about this delicately. What do you say to a demonic superior who is slowly destroying the earth? I felt I needed a plan of attack. So I avoided him for two days.

But today I was determined to confront him. I paced in front of his office for about a half hour, but I did go in. He wouldn't get away with it. "We're a recycling plant, how can you be polluting?" I demanded. It felt great. I was the underdog standing up for my cause. I was proud, I was strong, and then I was unemployed.

What a cheap shot right? I mean, there I was, standing alone for the greater good, ready to single-handedly protect the world from imminent turmoil, and I get the boot. He didn't even have a legitimate explanation. He just mumbled some nonsense about me being paranoid, is that crazy or what? Is it paranoid to have the simple sense to recognize that this rubber recycling plant is a cover-up for Marsley's plots of total world pollution?

You might think losing my job would stop me. But it won't. I'll get him if it takes me my entire life. And my next life. I'll get him if I have to stand alone, the sole soldier for the planet in the face of a battalion of chemical dumpers like him. I'll take down each and every one. First Marsley, then Brian from the water fountain, and then, who knows, the oil companies, or the people responsible for acid rain, or the slimeballs who keep killing all the whales. We're at the brink. We're running out of options. With people using 12 Styrofoam cups a day and disguising toxic chemicals in Gatorade bottles, we can't waste any time. It's time to prepare for war, but a peaceful war. I'm not talking guns. Just a lot of people marching and shouting angrily about the problems on this planet. But I'll still call it a war because people will pay attention to a war.

Are you with me Undi? Great! We'll start next week. I need to fast and meditate to cleanse and detoxify my system, but after that, after that, we'll give them hell.