Reflections of the New Year

Well, it happened again in Times Square. Only this time, it was a multi-colored ball made of of little triangles electronically lit. It was beautiful and unusual and it didn't drop - at least it didn't look like it did. The year is now 2010. I was hoping that the ball would symbolize a new future with peace and love and hope.

But it's still the same. I changed the channel and saw a picture of a young Hispanic man who called in a 911 emergency after he just hit a baby on the head and killed it. I was sickened.

The next story was about how president Obama and his family spent the new year. I changed the channel to the three stooges marathon but my thoughts on the wars going on in the world and the evil that is ravishing the earth invaded the mood.

My friend, Craig, thinks it's Satan's last fling before the rapture when all the good people are raised up and temporarily are put in heaven while God fixes up our sorry planet and He hopefully puts us back with instructions this time how to care for it. The new earth will be ruled by Jesus after he destroys Satan.

I hope Craig's right. I also believe that the rapture is coming and I'm hoping it's in 2012. No, I didn't get it from the Mayan's calender or Nostradamus or even the movie. I figured it out myself. Craig has said for years that the rapture is coming soon. I know what I've read in the bible that God has a thing for certain numbers. I thought of the twelve tribes of Israel and thought it would be fitting for the year to be 2012. This occurred to me last year before all the hype. I hope I'm correct in my logic.

Meanwhile, I spent New Year's Eve with my bipolar husband just reflecting and later taking a sleeping pill to get my obsessive-compulsive thoughts out of my head. The next day I went to the bank online and went over my budget, hoping and praying we can have some money left for food, clothes and some home repairs. Our financial disaster was caused when my husband went manic and opened all these accounts, many in my name, and left them unpaid.

The joys of my life besides my mother, sister and family, and my patient next door neighbor are my two poodles who love me unconditionally. The toy poodle, Angel, peed in the house again and I cleaned it up. I started to scold him and he ran under the bed before I could finish the reprimand - he knew. The mini-poodle, Kerry, is the good one. Never gives me a problem but I love them both. They're my kids - I never had my own. With mental illness being hereditary, I didn't want to pass ours on to some poor, innocent child - especially with no cures on the horizon.

So I try to keep busy while my husband, who has a terrible tremor in his right arm, stays in bed almost 24/7 to quell it by lying on the offending arm. He's severely depressed and he's trying to keep nervous thoughts of jumping out of his skin at bay by attempting to fall sleep. Mostly he lays there and I occasionally speak to him because I either need to ask or give him information about the events of the day, or I'm just plain lonely and need someone to talk to.

Thank God my mother, sister and next door neighbor are my sounding boards and sources of hope and laughter. I need them as a break from my husband. If his treatments don't offer any hope for a recovery, I'll have to put him in a home or a psych ward, pray for the best, and go on with my life. I'm 60 years old, been married and faithful to one man for 31 years. I want some happiness in my "golden years". My mother calls them the "rusty years" and my late mother-in-law said they called them that because you give all your gold to your doctors. They're both right!

My only recourse is to do the best I can with whatever talents I have (I'm presently unemployed). Plus, I'm taking care of my husband the best I know how. As far as the state of the world, I'll try to make my little corner of the planet as pleasant and helpful as a can, and be a good daughter, sister, aunt and neighbor.

Happy New Year, may this one be better than the last!!