Regain Control of Your Teenagers: 2 Simple Rules to Help Parents

Most parents think that their children are going to be the exception. Their children will be well mannered, will get perfect grades, will treat their siblings with respect and will look to their parents as fountains of wisdom to seek out for answers to all of their questions.

Guess what? I thought those things, too, once upon a time. But, sadly, I found out that my children were just like everyone else's children. When they hit 12 or thirteen, they no longer believed a word I had to say; they acted as though their younger siblings were the scum of the earth; their grades slipped; and they suddenly knew everything there was to know.

Words and phrases like:

"You don't respect me!"

"My little brother gets to do whatever he wants."

"I wish I lived with my friend Jenna. Her parents TRUST her."

"Why do I have to clear the table off NOW...I have homework to do."

"You don't trust me."

"My friends don't have to be in by 10:30."

"I can't wait to move out of this house."

"I should be able to make my own decisions."

"You don't love me; if you did, you'd give me the money to go on this trip."

"You are the worst parents I know of."

"You hate me, don't you."

"Why do I have to go to......church......visit Aunt Velma......attend the family reunion.....etc."

"I hate you." "I hate myself." "I hate school." "I hate my life."

"You just don't understand."

"Why can't I............?"

"There's nothing wrong with purple hair. I want purple hair."

"It's my room. I'll leave things on the floor if I want to."

Phrases like those above, and worse, constantly flowed from them. It was as though they stayed awake all night thinking up things to say that would irritate me the most. What had happened to my little angels and my great plans for perfect children?

After a couple of years pulling my hair out, I was about to pack my own bags and leave, but decided to try another tactic, instead. It is no magic formula and it hasn't always worked, but somehow it seems to have appealed to the teens in our home. You may want to give it a try and see if it works in yours.

I asked them if they thought they could follow two simple rules. Nothing else, just the two rules. Of course they jumped at that idea, not realizing what two simple rules could entail.

Here are the rules:

Rule # 1: Just do what's right, no matter what it takes.

By the time a kid reaches his or her teen years, he knows what is right without being constantly reminded. If there is any doubt, you might want to compose a rule book they can consult if they aren't sure about a particular action.

Rule # 2: Don't complain that someone else isn't doing what's right.

Each child is only responsible to make sure that they, themselves, are doing what is right. That should keep them too busy to worry about what other members of the household are doing.

Those who refuse to or are unable to follow the first two rules will go back to being under the old rules where the parents make all the decisions. They have to agree to this before you allow them to go to the "just 2 simple rules" system.

Not many teens are willing to return to the status of having their parents decide what clothes they will wear each day, when they will go to bed, how much time they can spend on the phone, etc. Especially not if they have had a taste of making their own decisions for a while. And, besides, they kind of enjoy bragging to their friends that they only have to obey 2 rules.

I'm not claiming that we now have perfect children, but there has definitely been a change from the free-for-all we were experiencing before. I am considering outfitting the whole family for an upcoming vacation with T-shirts emblazoned with, "Just Do What's Right!" I know it isn't original, but I like it; don't you?