Rejected iPod Accessories

IPod mania has taken the populous by storm. Along with the millions of ipods purchased, there are almost as many sales in ipod accessories. Cases, covers, FM transmitters, car chargers, screen protectors, voice recorders, audio adapters and even digital camera readers are ready and waiting for your next spending spree. But what about the accessories that never made it off the drawing board?

Halloween Costumes: Don't leave your iPod behind on Halloween! There are hundreds of ways to match your iPod to your costume with our kits. Clothes, accessories, dyes, you name it, it's included. And remember, the iPod should get it's own trick or treat bag. Double the candy, double the fun!

Torture Device: Forget Chinese water torture, just load up a bunch of Britney Spears 'music', tie your annoying little brother to a chair, and leave him alone a few hours. After that, you shouldn't have any problem covering up any of your foolproof-yet-gone-horribly-wrong plans that you don't want your parents to find out about. The torture device accessory comes with heavy duty tape, rope, and optional tazer.

Seti@iPod: You would think after all this time the Seti@home people would have come up with some positive results. Maybe the problem is that they just aren't communicating the right way. Music is the universal language, isn't it? Use this small form antenna to send your favorite tunes out into deep space, and watch for any signs of life.

iCenterpiece: It's Thanksgiving, dinner is about to start, and you're stuck by your great aunt Mildred. How can you eat accosted? By using the iCenterpiece, of course! camouflage your iPod as a paper turkey, cornucopia,

Knife pod: Who needs mace? Just plug this little attachment into the firewire port of your iPod, and make muggers think twice about messing with you. You can also swing your iPod around by the headphones, like an impromptu morning star. Just..try not to hit yourself, okay?

Christmas Ornaments: It would be one hell of an expensive decorating idea, but just deck the halls with iPods. Put a different Christmas song play list on each, throw on some neon lighting, and there you go. With all the skins that are available for your iPod, you can even do unique color schemes for every room!

Vibrator: Just admit it, the majority of us are horny perverts, and there's nothing quite so ingenious as a geek in need. Nothing is exempt, from a mouse to a playstation controller. So why not the iPod? This phallic attachment vibrates to the beat of the music. (note: Someone indeed has foresight in this matter, as the Audi-Oh hooks up to mp3 players to do just that!)

iPod Toilet Tunes: Who needs to read magazines in the john? This is a specially designed docking station that mounts on top of your toilet basin. Listen to your music while you do your business. The docking station is made of porcelain designed to match your bathroom decor. The option matching scented candle holder is sold separately.

iPod bathtub thermometer: Is the bath water too hot, too cold, or just right? why risk scalding your hand when you can use your ipod's processor and this handy little add on to find out! You can even set it to play certain songs according to temperature. Too bad they didn't factor in that whole electrocution problem...

Ipod walkman adapter: Still got a few old cassettes you like to listen to? Feeling nostalgic in this increasingly wired world? Is your walkman sulking in the corner and plotting death on your iPod? No problem! Just plug this adapter into the headphone port of your walkman and connect the other end to your ipod using its dock connector. Listening to your walkman through your ipod was never this easy! Giant combo iPod/Walkman belt adapter included. We are not responsible for jokes caused by said belt.

IPot: It's been said that plants can grow better to certain types of music. If you want to test this theory, and to see whether your plants hate your favorite tunes, try the water and soil proof iPot cover. This cover goes around your iPod for safe inclusion into the flower pots, and a specially designed material allows for the music to permeate through the soil.

Ipod stapler mount: How can you collate and staple a stack of papers while holding your iPod at the same time? Unless you have 3 arms, you can't, silly. Luckily for you there's the iPod Stapler Mount! Just weld the aluminum backing of your iPod to the stapler mount and presto! You are free to staple and listen to your music at the same time. It's so easy, even a child can do it! Welding tools and mask are not included. From the makers of the ipod scotch tape holder.

iPod Sports Bra Cozy: Like to jog but find the iPod Armband uncomfortable? Ladies, this one is for you! Just slip your iPod into this snug water resistant pouch and feel the beat with every step! Stylish and trendy!

IPod pregnancy pouch: Here's another one for the ladies! Scientists have reported that babies receiving stimulation in the womb, such as from music, can learn quicker right out of the womb. Mothers, give your baby an early head start by using the iPod pregnancy pouch to let your baby listen to the greatest hits of this era.

You thought the iPod was just another music player. It's actually the swiss army knife of players, able to change form like the superheroes of old. Oh and if someone wants to revive these cutting room floor projects, by all means send pictures!

Disclaimer: I cannot be held responsible for damage to life, love, property, alien probes, iPods, sanity, et al for attempting to create these accessories.