Relationship Advice Nobody Ever Wants to Hear or Take

Not everything labeled "relationship advice" is always what I would like to give, or you would like to hear. Today I am going to speak about knowing when to give up the fight.

I am not talking about walking out of a relationship, but simply about the time that you simply need to quit fighting certain annoying behaviors, actions or habits that you may come across.

First you have to understand that in some cases it really is fighting human nature and you will simply not win against that, in other cases it is a form of addiction that are not being admitted to, and in other circumstances it is just something that the person is not willing to give up. A character trade that you may not have seen in the beginning, or have chosen to overlook!

Now there are three things that no matter what I do advice you not to overlook, forgive or over gloss.

#1 Physical, Sexual or Mental Abuse!

I don't care what you have done, short of spreading your naked body out and teased the hell out of the person, just to scream rape after, hit the person first and expected them to just take it. There is never an excuse for Physical, Sexual or Mental Abuse. If you know of an Adult Person trying to molest, rape or pressure your/a child into sexual use, please get your head out of your ass, check that the situation is really what you think it is and then get that person where they belong. (Sorry the law says into Jail, personally I think 6 ft under.)

#2 Alcoholism or Drugs!

I know that for many of you this may not seem a deal breaker and many have the false believe that there will NEVER be any real carry over from such an abuse, if the person beats the habit, but sadly there is a carry over. Emotional unavailability is a byproduct that so many don't realize. If your Honey is a past user, doesn't use anymore, and you are willing to put up with this "coldness" at times then go for it. But if it is going on now, you may want to really consider the cost to your life and relationship first before continuing.

#3 Lies, constant cheating, Affairs!

Please notice that I mentioned all of these in Plural and put them into a specific category. We all will tell a lie from time to time, depending on how long you have been married cheating or an Affair may occur and strongly regretted after. Not that this makes it any less painful when it happens, but I am speaking of a constant and repeated cheating, Affairs and those that can't tell the truth because they live in lies.

Please realize that I am not counting Polygamy Relationships, Swingers Lifestyle or any other pre-agreed upon open relationships as cheating, but the good old behind your back extra relationship affairs and entertainment. I do however include emotional cheating into this as well. For more on what I mean by this you may wish to read my Article on AC... Click here! Talking and Flirting is not Cheating!

Now on to battles you may need to realize that you can not win. At this point it is your very own choice if you want to learn to put up with them, because you love the person deeply enough to deal with it, or move on with your life.

Constant flirting, overdoing it on Porn or the staring at everything that walks!

Ok, first off this goes for both male and female, so do not take this gender related. Females over the years have become just as promiscuous and insensitive as males have. The difference it appears however is how the life partners reaction to it. Where it really hurts most females (we tend to be more sensitive to this) it seems to have an adverse or sexual arousing fact on our male counterparts in some cases. There is an entire alternative fetish lifestyle around called cuckolding and the other equally arousing lifestyle for those not needing monogamy to be happy - Swingers.

I am however talking about your normal everyday monogamous, one on one relationship, which is under the agreement that you are not going to share your partners' emotions, love or body with another person.

Flirting happens from time to time without the person even noticing. Usually it happens especially when the relationship is on a down, or has become more then unsatisfactory in many areas. It is easy to fall for a sweet smile from a stranger, a lovely comment when your other half no longer even seems to know you exist or couldn't care less what is going on in your life. But there are those that can not seem to stop them-selves from staring after every even decent looking "thing" that walks. Be it a nicely toned male ass swaggering by, a pair of too tight jeans that show the "goods" all to good, a well muscled masculine pair of arms and chest or the counter of a nice cleavage, sweet little rounded female ass, shapely legs or other female body parts. Most of the time it is done right in front of their partner to whom it can easily feel like a slap in the face, and in almost all the cases it is done by guys/gals that have not had a single sweet word to say to the person the claim to be in love with. You can spot hot anywhere else, but can't even say handsome or lovely to the one that should count. Now no matter how much it hurts, you need to realize that this sort of person just simply doesn't have a sensitive bone in their body and will never grow one either. Understand that there are people you can simply not overlook and nobody expects you to, but I am speaking about the constant doing it here. If you can live with this, then you need to learn to grow a very thick skin, try never to go places with your partner and really just become so self sufficient in your finding yourself lovely that your partners opinion no longer matters at all. To those of you, who are guilty of this behavior, please realize that you are now slowly starting to lose a very important part of your relationship: the way to her/his heart. You can not freeze out certain emotions and still make it all about you!

Pornography can be an aid and a diversion when it is done together once in a great while, but when it becomes a daily and even hourly thing and becomes more important then the interaction with your life partner, then you have become addicted to it. There are literally millions of people addicted to Pornography in one way or the other. I can tell you from experience that when your life partner puts his porno addictions before you, it almost carves your heart to pieces. Realize that humans are naturally competitive and that there really is no way you can compete with the images, videos etc that are being streamed by the millions daily across the internet. Remember that the guys and gals forever captured in the act they are performing will now never have a bad day, will never complain, will never grow older, nor are like everyday people in any way. Most have been plastically enhanced to become as physically attractive as possible, had their flaws airbrushed away (go ahead meet a Porn Star that has been around for a while in person and see her without out the tricks of the photographer, you may be surprised) , been filmed in the most becoming lights etc. The Adult Industry has spent billions of Dollars to get the art of deception and arousal down to an art form, an everyday person does not have all those things available to them. Of course all that will not matter either to the person watching the "darling of the day" making his / her life more interesting than the person that really loves them in the other room.

Again you will have to make the choice to let go or keep on going and just place your own interest somewhere else. I can tell you that if you give an ultimatum you will be the one losing! In my case I am in the unique situation to be the turn on factor for hundreds of guys and gals all across the world, with having been filmed, photographed etc myself, Besides being a writer, I am also working as a PSO, own and operate my own clips4sale store for fetish, financial domination etc, but on the other hand I am married to a Pornography Addicted husband. With other words I see it from both sides of the sphere and trust me it doesn't seem at all as glamorous as folks seem to think. Has it affected my relationship to my husband? Yes, it has. Does he have a problem with my work? Not at all, matter of fact he is upset I don't do more to bring in the Bacon at times. Let's just say my bed is often very lonely and knowing what I know, the sex now is a lot less satisfying for me then it should be. Remember that when you put your partner on the back burner sooner or later they will simply lose interest in being a last moment resort, a stand by when you are bored with the other things or just see you as another animated Dildo. Ask yourself if that is worth it to you. Are you willing to take the sex out of the equation and is the rest of your relationship good enough to justify staying with him/her.

Your Partner is emotionally unavailable!

Some of us are just not build to be supportive to anyone but ourselves. This is not something that is easily overcome, nor is it something that those that are that way see as a bad thing. If the person does not see their behavior as something less then beneficial to themselves and their relationship, perhaps not even acknowledging that they are that way trying to point it out to them or asking them to change that behavior will only bring a deeper withdrawal from you.

For the partner however it is very difficult to deal with. Have you ever noticed that it seems these two polarities seem to always somehow pair up? You have one partner that can't see past their own needs and nose and the other extremely giving and loving? If you think that as in most other cases this enables the relationship to become more balanced out, let me point out that the person who is emotionally unavailable is not even able to really appreciate the love and care which is being extended to him/her, while the other one is slowly becoming more and more empty inside.

Again can this relationship work out? Yes, but the one that is the Giver will have to make some drastic changes in the way they view their relationship. You may need to try to learn to look for emotional support, validation and appreciation of your care somewhere else besides your partner. That of course makes the risk of an affair rather big, but this is why I suggest you do not look for the love somewhere else.

No matter how much we think we don't need anyone else, we are all dependent on another human beings kindness and at times nearness. Of course those who are self centered naturally seem to think that it is just due them, and strangely enough it seems to draw that attention. Learn to become less needy, start enjoying a life separate from your partner and don't think that he/she will even take interest in it. With other words, you will pretty much have to learn to live a single life without the freedoms, but the occasional benefits of being partnered.

Too busy ALWAYS

Sort of goes along with being self centered and emotionally unavailable, but can be rather a stand alone. A relationship is a Partnership in which both parties give each other love, respect, time and many other lovely qualities. When you are with a Partner that is ALWAYS too busy for you, in which Entertainments, Friends and yes I hate to say it even the job comes first and foremost all the time, then you are on a slow highway to emotional hell. In many ways you are slowly banning your partner to a life of loneliness, carelessness and darkness. Here again the question, can this Relationship survive?

I guess it can, if you want to continue calling it a Relationship. Understand from the beginning on so that this is another of those lovely things that will more and likely never change and if it does, you may no longer be interested in the change. The Partner who is left out, will have to learn not to need the company, love and affection of the one you love period. With other words you will need to become an Island onto yourself. If you have no need to form another relationship that may be more nourishing, or a stuck because of financial or other reasons and are forced to last this out, then learn to become a married Single.

Find hobbies, entertainments and Friends that are not dependent on his /her presence, but make certain your Partner also understands that they have NOW LOST their right to YOUR time. This is a two way street.

There are tons more things that could fall under this category. Remember that each item I listed are not the occasional once in a while happenings, but something that is done daily or almost all the time. Remember that everything in measure can be beneficial. Every person needs time to them-selves from time to time. Each person will need to put themselves first from time to time. But when it is ALWAYS, then it has gone too far and you need to make a choice!

Good luck!