Relationship Advice for Women: How to Tell If He's Using You

You've had your heart broken before and you certainly don't want for history to repeat itself. You hope that this time things will be different. But how can you tell if he's really into you, or merely using you? There are 10 signs to watch for as you get to know your new beau a little better.

"What's Cookin'?"

When he asked you on the first date if you could cook, you proudly declared that you are a force to be reckoned with in the kitchen. You pride yourself on cooking a mean Sunday brunch and he prides himself on eating it. You've heard that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but is there potential here for true love? Be wary of a man who never takes you out to dinner or cooks for you, yet tells you it's because no one's cooking measures up to yours. He could simply be getting a free meal from you while he is wining and dining someone else.

"I Need a Loan"

This man never seems to have any money. And while you are an independent woman who supports herself financially and is willing to lend a helping hand, you find it odd that he frequently asks to borrow cash from you and never pays you back. If he says things like, "I may not pay you back monetarily but I give it back in other ways," beware. This man could very well view you as a financial sponsor instead of his woman.

"My Friend"

If you are involved in a sexual relationship with a man and yet he refers to you only as his "friend," he could simply be using you. Whether it's purely sex he's after or just someone to occupy the time with during moments of sheer boredom, you have been relegated to "friend" status and that means that he is not interested in a serious, committed relationship with you. He may even insist that he has many friends, but that you are a special friend, just to pacify you. If this should happen, guard your heart! He is not in the frame of mind to handle it with care and if you get too attached to this man, your heart will most likely end up broken.

The Trophy Syndrome

If he parades you around like you're the high school Homecoming Queen, he may regard you as his trophy. This is not the path to true love. Men who are caught up in the Trophy Syndrome view women as status symbols and not actual partners. They want their women to look, dress and behave a certain way so that they themselves will stand out above and beyond their peers. The problem with being regarded as a trophy is that you are not valued for your inner qualities - only for what's on the surface. And any man who only cares about how good you make him look is unworthy of your time and energy.

Flavor of the Month

As with the Trophy Syndrome, your man views you as worthy of his time and attention because you make him look good. Being the Flavor of the Month is even more deplorable then being a trophy, however, because your time is severely limited. Once this man finds someone whom he feels is a notch above you, you're history! If your man is constantly comparing you to other women and you are coming out on losing end, it could only be a matter of time before you get the boot. Why not beat him to the punch and free your schedule up so that you can meet someone who will value you for the person that you truly are?

"No PDA"

If a man is all hands when the two of you are alone behind closed doors but maintains arm's length from you when you are out in public (particularly in the presence of other women), he may be keeping his options open in case something better comes along. Some people simply do not believe in public displays of affection and yet they love their mates very much. But if your man acts like he barely knows you just because other females are present, he is obviously not interested in a committed relationship with you.

"It's Too Soon to Meet My Mother"

You've been dating each other for three years and yet your beau insists that it's too soon for you to meet his mother. Beware! He's either embarrassed by his mother or not the least bit interested in taking your relationship to the next level. He could simply be using you to fill a void until he is ready for a commitment. Don't think for a minute that if you hang in there long enough, he'll come around. You may end up being left out in the cold as he enters a serious relationship with someone else.

Midnight Love

You know the routine. He can't find time to spend with you until long after the sun has gone down. Your nights are filled with passion, but your days are lonely as you wonder how he's doing or what he's up to. No matter how intense or romantic your evenings may be with this guy, you shouldn't delude yourself. He is only using you for sex. He may tell you that he has a hectic schedule and spends time with you when he can. Don't buy it! If you were a priority in this man's life, he would want to see you during the daytime as well.

"My Kids Would Love You!"

If this man introduces you to his children very early in the relationship and suggests that you bond with them by taking them to the movies or the mall (minus him), he could very well just be looking for a babysitter. Don't automatically take this as a sign that he is serious about you and auditioning you for the role of Stepmom. He may simply be using you to watch his kids while he fills his time with other activities - or women.

Sugar Daddy

This is the self-proclaimed Sugar Daddy who thinks he can have any woman he wants because of the money he makes or the car he drives. He may be ultra suave and charismatic, but don't fall for it! The expensive gifts and fancy trips could be masking the fact that he is using you - for sex, an ego boost, or the mere thrill of it. If he spends an inordinate amount of money on you and then reminds you of it constantly as he tries to manipulate you, get as far away from him as possible! What he has to offer could never compare to the value of true love.

Good Men Do Exist

There are plenty of good men in the world, but they may not fit your profile of Prince Charming on the surface. Users often study women and prey on their vulnerabilities. Therefore, if you are looking for someone to sweep you off your feet, they will do just that - until they have you exactly where they want you.

A man worth having may not know all of the right things to say and do to charm you. He may not have a fancy wardrobe or drive an expensive car. One thing he will do though is invest time and energy in getting to know you - without expecting or demanding anything in return.