Relationship Damaging Mistakes Women Make

Too easily these days, we can just walk away from a relationship if it doesn't seem to be working out. I am one who believes in commitment. There are only a few very major things I will refer to in the last section of this article that are worth ending a relationship over. Everything else is just common problems that can be handled properly as soon as they are recognized.

I don't mean to offend anyone, I only want to offer help. You may read this article and recognize something you do. Of course you have a reason for doing it, but it is important to recognize how that behavior makes problems much worse than they have to be. I recommend this article for both men and women, to better understand the roots of why the communication isn't working properly (ummm, maybe cause we're different?!) and to help put the spark back into a fire before it completely dies!

One of the most common mistakes I see women make on a regular basis occurs when they are having an argument with their partner. In fact, many of the mistakes women make occur during this time. The first I will mention is calling your partner every 5 minutes.

Most often, this occurs when there is an argument and your partner leaves. Whether they tell you where they are going or not, this action confuses women and pushes them to lose their mind.

Typically, women want attention in this situation. If they are upset, and they take off... they want to be followed. However, men choose to let the women cool off and let them go. (Note to men: this is a relationship mistake you make. Women tend to feel as though you just don't care. This can be crushing if not rationalized.)

When men take off to 'cool down', women do what they want mjen to do. They either follow, or call and call and call. This is a relationship mistake because it aggravates the man. Men need 'space' or they just get angrier. An argument should not involve constant aggravating. It should be handled like any other problem, with both partners in a clear state of mind, working together to find a solution.

Also, look at this way. If you give the man time to cool down and sort out his thoughts... he'll realize that he was probably wrong (they usually are, right?) and return with flowers and a heartfelt apology. Give him the chance to get to that point!

A similar mistake women make, when having a disagreement (fight, argument, whatever) is acting irationally when upset.

Consider this like throwing gas onto a fire. Let me stress again that any argument should be handled with both partners being rational and working together. Your instinct may be to get upset, but it is important to control that reaction. Try the man's approach... walking away from it... and then come back when you are ready to deal with it.

A relationship mistake that both men and women make is getting too comfortable.

Comfortable is good. Too comfortable is a problem. When you get 'too comfortable', it can get 'too routine'. No matter how much you love somebody, a routine can seem boring. It is important to treat every day as if you are still trying to win your partner over... not as if you already have them.

Refer again to my first example. If you are calling repetitively, you are letting your partner know you are hooked. It is very easy to take someone for granted if you never feel you have to fight to keep them.

This does not mean you should be one of those couples who fight just to make up. This just means that you shouldn't 'settle down', and you should never 'let yourself go'. In other words, you have to keep eachother intrigued, entertained, and on the edge of their seats. It doesn't take much work... but it is much harder to put the spark back into a fire if you let it die.

A very disturbing mistake women often make is "tightening the leash".

After trying so hard to find a good man, women tend to feel as though if they're not careful, they will lose their catch. The problem with that is women do the wrong things. Remember the old phrase "If you love something, set it free..."?

If your partner feels 'trapped' or 'caged', it may make them feel unpleasantly about their relationsip. It may even lead to an affair, if it is really out of line. Still, even the subtlest bits of 'loss of freedom', although naked to the invisible eye, can strongly affect an unconscious mind and direct the way the mind feels about an otherwise happy relationship.

Women! Stop taking things personally!

Let's take a classic example of symbolism... paying attention to how your date treats a waitress. Supposedly, this reflects the way that man would treat his wife in the future. This is an extremely 'iffy' idea. Obvious you wouldn't want to date a man who was unecessarily rude to the waitress, even if she did mess up an order. At the same time, would you want to date a man who flirted with the waitress while the two of you were on a date?

Now digging further into the future, maybe you have become that man's wife (or girlfriend) and he is flirting with a waitress. You may feel just as offended as if you were on a first date, but you shouldn't. Although this is the man's version of the 'getting too comfortable' mistakke, it should be addressed that it upset you and then understood. Unless the man is actually trying to get the waitress's number, it is only a man looking for confirmation that he's "still got it" by watching the reaction of a waitress. A waitress is a good example, because they tend to respond more positively to random flirtation... it makes customers happy and happy customers tip better.

If it is a flirting situation that you take too personally, you should address your discomfort openly with your partner, and also be open to the possibility that you have become too comfortable and your partner may feel as though they 'have lost it'.

Every woman does this next mistake, wether they admit it or not. We nag, and nag, and nag!

I can hear the men agreeing now. Yes, I will agree too. Women have a habit of nagging. Women even ocassionally avoid other women, because of the nagging. And yet we also complain that our men aren't listening to us.

It's because we nag!

"I just want him to take out the trash..."
"But he tunes me out even if I'm not nagging about anything!"
"It's like talking to a brick wall sometimes!"

This is usually because it sounds like you are nagging, or because you nag so much that their mental switch is always flipped to the 'off' position whenever you open your mouth. Yes, it is very annoying. So stop nagging!

There are ways of expressing your unhappiness about something that can actually get the point across. I promise you now, nagging is not one of those ways!

I'd like to mention something that women do, and then regret, and often do again anyways. We have a way of developing a "forced blindness".

Ever wonder why you keep dating the wrong men? Ever look back at a relationship, how it ended, and feel as though you had known all along? You probably did. As soon as you run into a warning sign, the rest of your feelings control your reaction to that warning sign.

However, no matter how much you like a guy, you should never, ever, ever 'close your eyes' to something that seems like a 'break-er' for that guy. Otherwise, you're just taking yourself for a ride down a 'dead end street', even after seeing the 'dead end' sign. You're just wasting your time before you actually do get somewhere with your love life.

"Losing Yourself" is a guaranteed way to lose your partner... although it may take a long time.

Women tend to give more of themselves to their partner than they give to themselves when single. Happy single people have a life, a hobby, things they do that make them unique. The greatest thing about having a partner is having somebody to share that life with. Unhappy single people make the same mistake that many women make in a relationship. They feel as though having a partner is their life.

Let's say you used to play poker with your friends every Saturday night. Don't stop just because you are in a relationship or married. Don't expect your partner to give up their habits as well. (Reflect on 'tightening the leash'.) A relationship does not consist of two halves... it consists of two whole individuals. You can't revolve your life around your partners, or vise versa.

Women also have to be a bit more careful about holding onto the little things.

Allow me to clarify this. Women value the little things as more meaningful than the big things. In some cases, this is perfectly okay. In others, it is destructive.

If your partner leaves little notes in your lunches, or calls you on their lunch break, it is wonderful to take these things to heart. However, if your partner was busy and didn't call you to let you know they might be home late for dinner, let it go.

Even if an argument is settled, women tend to hold onto their emotions about every little thing. In some ways, those emotions can be used as a reference for a repeat offense. Meanwhile, if those emotions aren't shelved properly than they fester.

Just let me stress this again... let it go!

Similarly, women have to stop letting go of the big things!

This is a split 50/50, and I am talking to all those women who forgive their partners for big time offenses. Not forgetting to call or coming home in a bad mood and taking it out on you. Those things should be forgiven. This is for those women who forgive their men for hitting them, or cheating, or major disrespectful habits.

In some very, very, very rare cases, your partner may deserve a second chance after a major offense. But do not easily let it go! It is a big thing, and it may happen again. If it does happen again, and you let it go this time... then this is not a relationship mistake... this is a personal mistake. One of the biggest flaws in women is how easily we can lose our sense of self worth. No matter what the reason, a big thing should be held on to until it is absolutely apparent that it was a one time incident, with an understandable cause that has been discussed and fully worked through. Until then, you would be a damn fool to let those big things go.