Relationship Debates

Normally people think negatively when they hear of a couple arguing, but is this necessarily true? Well, my curiosity got the best of me and I decided to do some research and observations. I chose ten couples and categorized them with couples that never argue, those that have few arguments, and those that argue all the time. After two weeks of research, I learned that I had to add another category: those who argue and end up physically fighting.

Through my research, I gathered that the couples that never argue were the ones who relatively didn't offer their own opinions/differences in their relationships, which soon led to them having resentment towards their partners/mates; the couples that only argued randomly were the ones who had money issues or were keeping secrets within their relationships; the couples that argued all the time seemed happier than the other couples, simply because they were able to express themselves better and they had no problem with voicing their opinions to their partners/mates; the couples who argued until they got into a physical altercation were definitely different from all the other couples.

Couples who argued and soon became physical showed signs of jealousy and/or infidelity. The man in the relationship always became defensive and wanted to lash out at his partner, which made my research complicated because I had to then search for reasons of his defensiveness. After an extra week of research on that issue, I learned that many people who jump defensive are usually hiding something, and in this case, it was an affair. I'm not pointing the finger to say that all people who jump defensive are having an affair in their relationship, but nine out of ten times, it's usually true.

Most people will see arguing as a negative thing because of the yelling, but actually, if a person looks at the root of the argument and not just the topic, it allows a person to ventilate what they feel; and a way to express their concerns about the relationship and within the relationship. A helpful suggestion would be to look at the argument in a different manner; don't look at it as a negative thing, and just maybe you can be rational in expressing yourself. Arguing can be seen as a good sign of a healthy relationship because neither partner is afraid to express themselves and are secure in their relationship. This leaves no room for doubt in some cases. But oftentimes, the one culprit in an argument is pride.

I learned while observing these couples that once the argument is started, and pride gets in the way-it's a team effort to come to a reasoning conclusion to solve the issues that are at hand. Nobody is to be considered a winner in an argument, and this is another surefire way to ensure that the argument stays on a positive note. Take in consideration of the other's feelings and keep it on the issue at hand and not the topic that started the argument in the first place.

I am glad that while observing these couples, no one actually ended up seriously hurt by either physical altercations, or emotional abuse.