Relationship and Family Advice for Parents

As a twenty-first century parent, it is easy to lose sight of your priorities. Don't wait for a family setback to start a dialogue with your spouse about setting priorities, especially to protect the financial welfare of your children. You owe it to your family to prepare for the unexpected. Try the following parenting and family advice to plan for these unexpected situations: (1) your child loses one or both parents, (2) you lose your spouse, (3) you suffer a career crisis, or (4) your family experiences a permanent loss of income.

Scenario #1 - Your Child Loses One or Both Parents

We live in an age when people face health risks due to family genetics, tragic accidents, and poor health choices. Have you thought about the challenges your kids would face if you or your spouse died? The loss of a parent would devastate them. Think about how you can set priorities to safeguard their future.

Strategy A - Develop better habits for healthy living. It is never too late to give up bad habits like unhealthy eating, inactivity, and substance abuse. If you need motivation, talk with your family about creating a healthy eating and exercise plan. You may need the help of a doctor or nutritionist. For substance addictions, talk with a medical or mental healthcare provider. If you don't have medical insurance, your employer may offer an employee assistance program with free counseling services.

Strategy B - Consult an attorney. You and your spouse should make legal arrangements for your untimely deaths. Write a will that specifies how your healthcare and death arrangements will be handled, how your estate will be administered, and who will look after your children if you both become deceased.

Strategy C - Seek the services of a financial planner. If you and/or your spouse have disposable income, ask the financial planner which life insurance, death benefit programs, college expense plans, and other financial products fit your budget. Buy as much insurance as you can afford. Your financial planner can also provide advice for retirement and investment plans for you and your spouse. Be sure to name your children as your beneficiaries for all retirement and death benefits.

Scenario #2 - You Lose Your Spouse

When you got married, you may not have considered how your life would change if your spouse died unexpectedly or separated from you. This is a scary situation that would require you to make many difficult decisions. Because you don't know how much time you have left with your spouse, set priorities so that you can maximize your family time with your spouse and your children.

Strategy A - Create new work habits that benefit your family life. Try these ideas. Make a conscious effort to leave work and workplace issues at the office. Don't waste your precious family time worrying or complaining about your job. Avoid working at home unless that is your job. When you are at home, enjoy the moments with your spouse and your kids to the fullest. When you are at work, focus on your job.

Strategy B - Have fun together! One reason many people get married is because they have more fun with their spouse than with anyone else. Did you think your spouse was so wonderful that you committed to a lifetime partnership? When living in the present, experience the joy of this partnership. Like growing a potted plant, you have to nurture your relationship. Remember to block out distractions like financial problems and work stress, especially in the presence of your kids.

Strategy C - Change your perspective on marriage. When you think about the bond that created your marriage, think about how easy it is to take your spouse for granted. Just like the time you have together may be limited by unforeseen events, the love you share may also have limits. At this point, you can't assume your partnership will last forever. What if your spouse moves on past the relationship while you are both still alive? That is not something to focus on, but it is a good reason to live in the present and nurture your marriage.

Scenario #3 - You Suffer a Career Crisis

If you reach a career crisis, you begin to question all of the values with which you were raised. Capitalism includes the ideas that people amass individual or corporate wealth in a free market. In a climate of deregulation, the free market experiences ups and downs in prices, production, and the distribution of wealth and goods.

In the U.S., the deregulation of the economy contributed partially to the collapse of the housing market in 2007 and launched the country into a recession. Whether you experience your capitalist crisis now or in the future, you may call into question your career choices and whether your family should worry about losing their social status and lifestyle. If you want to make a career change and free yourself from the idea that higher income means more happiness, enlist the assistance of your family.

Strategy A - Trace the influence of free market principles on your education choices. Did you wake up one day and realize that your career did not match your personality or your dreams? Your decision to obtain the type of postsecondary education might have been influenced by social norms learned in the family, school, and community environments of the time. Now you can transform your worldview. If you desire a new career path, develop a plan with your family to pursue the required education for this career.

Strategy B - Examine why you gravitated toward the career position you have now. Beginning in the primary grades, many children in the U.S. are taught that they should grow up, find a career, and earn increasingly higher salaries during their career. In society, careers and vocations that do not produce a high value often merit lower social status. For example, doctors and lawyers earn higher salaries and receive more social status for their earning capabilities. One could argue that teachers and daycare workers make a social contribution of high value, but they earn considerably less income and receive lower social status than doctors and lawyers. When adults pursue childhood goals of choosing a high-paying career, they sometimes realize later that they made a choice based on the social expectations of older generations. If you experience a career crisis, make a new choice that matches your interests and talents.

Strategy C - Think about the home in which your family lives. The capitalist worldview advocates getting the biggest house you can buy. Did you buy a house or another type of residence that matched your budget, or did you and your spouse over-commit to a mortgage that would prevent you from making a lifestyle change? A home is a place where you, your spouse, and your children dwell together. If you decide to scale down to a smaller house because of a move or a career change, your family can still lead a full life.

Scenario #4 - Your Family Loses Income Permanently

Another situation to plan for is if you or your spouse becomes permanently disabled. A lifelong disability means that the family loses income permanently. Although the disabled spouse may qualify for federal disability benefits, make plans with your spouse to take care of your family in the interim. Your children depend on both parents to provide financially, and financial planning goes a long way toward protecting their financial future.

Strategy A - Speak with your human resources representative about employee disability insurance benefits. You may pay a higher contribution for disability insurance than you do for life insurance and other insurance benefits, but disability insurance is a great asset if you become temporarily or permanently unable to work.

Strategy B - Consult your lenders about disability insurance for vehicle loans, property loans, and other credit accounts. You and your spouse may have to choose the credit disability payments that fit your family budget, but disability benefits will pay your bills and help you to support your children if you or your spouse becomes disabled.

Parenting and relationships are challenging in modern U.S. culture. If you want to strengthen your family and prepare for unforeseen circumstances, allocate time for setting family priorities. The foregoing advice featured unexpected scenarios and possible solutions. Use these examples to share decision-making conversations with your spouse.