Relationship? Not Dating, In No Rush

At twenty-eight I have become suspect to my family members. Why, you ask . . . well, I am still single, not dating, in no rush too, and appear perfectly happy and content without a man in my life. More importantly, instead of "dolling myself up" for a perspective date I go out in my jeans and flip flops. No I am not a slob, but I do not feel the need to look like a runway model whenever I go on a date or out to the bar. I'd rather just kick back and have a drink-seeing where life takes me from there. I realize in this era of feminism and political correctness I do not have to justify my life decisions, nor should I refer to my single status as "without a man." But, my statements are true. The real question of debate should be why I am single, a looser at love, and content with it-not if I can find a man, or when I plan to get married.

Why am I Single?

Well, quite frankly, the right one hasn't come along. I've looked-and boy have I-but no one has bothered to hang around long enough for me to a)write home about him or b) let me take him home. Hummm, why do tell is this so?

There was the smuck that dumped me because he thinks I'm too competitive. Then there was that the two of us being in academia would make us competitors with one another-for the record he studies a field completely separate from my own. I've been dubbed too smart, too fat (we all have to love that one), too young, too old, and my all time favorite-I'm not blonde. Ha. But, what all of these ramblings come down to is that my career choices and education levels scare the local men. When I started graduate school I was told that I was giving up a lot, was going to sacrifice endless hours to the research (often without a tangible reward), and find myself disillusioned and distrustful of the world. Well, all that has happened and passed, but sometimes those old paranoias and doubts creep back into my psyche. But, what my mentors forgot to tell me was the truth in gender myths.

Men get scared when they meet a woman with more education than them. They look for a way out-to not look dumb, to avoid idle banter that annoys everyone involved, and to get out of sight of the emasculating woman. This set of behavior baffles me. When out on the town, I rarely discuss the inner workings of gender theory, the social meaning of the phallus, the emasculating effects of the Women's Lib Movement, the passage of the Equal Rights Amendment (and the later failure of it), or a plethora of other contested topics. Nope, I am that chic that will swig back a few beers with the best of you, lights her own cigarette, tell dirty jokes, and watch and talk about the game (just don't expect me to know stats. Games are great, but I don't have enough room left in my brain to remember the statistic card of every baseball player in the past twenty-years.)

So why is it that my jovial side will not win him over? I may never have a complete answer for that notion, but I do know what I am and am not. I will never be the woman to back down from and argument, and I am the woman to stand my ground until its dying hour. These days my career is just beginning to take its shape, and I can honestly say that if I meet someone who wants to be with me-fine. Let him stay for awhile, but don't give me some crap about emasculation when you leave. Leave for a real reason-like we have no chemistry, you have fallen in love with another man or woman, or that you're not sexually attracted to me. But, don't let a good relationship die because you feel cut short that your "girl" makes more money than you do, has better business connections than you, or that she has more degrees on her wall than you. Degrees aren't everything, and they rarely make up the individual.

My degrees merely reflect a fraction of the person I am-they show part of the road I took to become the woman I am. They also say that since I sacrificed so much of myself for their attainment, that you should not expect anything less than superb from me. I take no seconds or hand-me-downs. Having said that, I feel that anyone reading this will understand my next statement . . . No, I do not regret the life choices I have made. No, I do not miss the men (well most of them) who left me along the way. No, I do not feel sadness whenever someone harasses me about being single. Nope. I am okay.

One day I may just settle down and get married, but in the meantime-I think that I'll just stay here and drink one during the game.