Relationship Tips: Cheaters Never Win, and Neither Will the Other Woman..

Cheating… infidelity, the ultimate breaker of trust and faith extended to and placed in another person. Men and women both cheat. It's not exclusive to just one gender, but today, I wanted to talk a little bit about it from a personal perspective, and since I'm a woman, that's the point of view we're going to take in this article. That doesn't mean men can't learn something very valuable from reading this, and in fact, perhaps learn even more than a woman can, since women probably already know what we will discuss here today.

In doing research for this article, I learned that there is a huge divide in the understanding and definition of what cheating actually is. It seems to mean different things to different people. For some, cheating is the physical act of engaging in sexual activity with another. Anything less than this would not be cheating. For some, it is any physical contact that would typically be reserved for a lover or partner, even if it never goes so far as sexual intercourse. Then for others, cheating can indeed be an emotional affair, where the two may never have touched, but shared personal and intimate things that should have been shared only with a partner.

My definition of cheating is a little of all of these above. Essentially, I believe that if your partner believes you have cheated, because of the time, attention or affection you have given to another instead of giving it to your partner, then you definitely are guilty of cheating. Your relationship with your partner should be the most important relationship to you, and friendships are great, but if they are interfering with sharing intimacies, both physical and emotional, with your partner, then you are guilty of having an affair.

However, I'm not here today to talk about cheating from the perspective of the one who was cheated on, or even from the cheater's perspective. Today, I am here to talk about cheating - from the perspective of the 'other woman'.

Relationships should be built on a foundation of trust and mutual respect. When you are the 'other woman,' how will it ever truly be possible to trust the person who had an affair to be with you? If he cheated with you, do you honestly have enough ego and vanity to believe that he would never cheat on you?

One thing that psychologists know about cheating that the general public seems to ignore is: cheating is never about the relationship… it's not about the partner who was cheated on not being good enough. Cheating is about something wrong inside of the person who cheats, plain and simple.

There is no excuse or reason to justify infidelity. If the relationship is in trouble, then you work through your problems with your partner, not someone else. If you determine that the relationship can not be salvaged, then you break up, divorce, or leave your partner before you look for someone else to take her place. What you don't do is cheat. Cheating is never justified and it is never acceptable.

Now, one thing that I believe is as bad a thing to be as the cheater is to be the 'other woman.' Granted, it's one thing if the 'other woman' truly doesn't know about the partner. In this case, the man should take full brunt of the consequences for his actions and full responsibility. But if the 'other woman' knows about the relationship and chooses to pursue a relationship with a man who is involved anyway, while he's still involved, she's no better than he is for having cheated. This is true also if the 'other woman' didn't know about the relationship but finds out about it and then chooses to continue the relationship after the truth is revealed.

In a way, it could be said that the 'other woman' is actually committing a worse offense than the cheater, because, as a woman, she should surely understand how much infidelity hurts, and she simply should not knowingly do that to another woman.

The truth of the matter is, when you look at the facts, knowing that infidelity is not about problems in the relationship but about a problem internally with the cheater, then the 'other women' should truly never feel secure in her relationship with the one who cheated.

I don't buy the old adage, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." I prefer the line I once heard, "If he cheats once, get help. If he cheats twice, get out." But what should you do when you find yourself faced with a cheater and you know he has cheated before you on other women? Truth is, a man who has cheated before with other women should not be given the chance to seek help before you get out.

And if you are the 'other woman,' ask yourself this question. How long do you think with the history of his infidelity it will be before you become the one he cheats on, and find that he has moved on to the next 'other woman'? Oh, sure you'll think that you can love him enough, be enough, do enough to be different. Of course, you are going to want to believe that you and your love is strong enough to make the difference, but in reality, if infidelity is not about the relationship but about something wrong inside of the cheater, then there is no way you will ever be 'enough' of anything to prevent him from going behind your back too.

Cheating is cheating, emotional or physical, the cheater or the 'other woman' doesn't matter. It's still having an affair, and if you allow it to continue without putting a stop to it, you, as the 'other woman' are just as guilty as he is. Don't worry though, your time will come when he eventually moves on to someone else, leaving your heart broken just like the heart you helped him break when you condoned and encouraged his infidelity.

Not all men are cheaters. Some men are truly loving, trustworthy partners, worthy of a woman's love and affection. This is the type of man you should be seeking, instead of pining away over a cheater who has broken your heart, or a cheater who broke someone else's heart with you. However, if your man came to you straight from the arms of another woman, you should run like the wind to get as far away from him as possible, because your turn is coming - and if you don't, I can only say you get what you deserve when he does the same thing to you that you and he did to another.

Cheaters never win… true in playing games, and true in life and love. Be true to your partner, and if you feel you must move on, then do the right thing and leave before you find yourself sharing another's heart or bed. If you are the 'other woman' break it off immediately. It's the only right thing to do, or else, one day, you'll be on the receiving end of his infidelity too, and you'll deserve ever bit of heartache that brings when it happens.