Relationships and Bodily Functions

Remember the campfire scene from Blazing Saddles? Ever try and belch out the alphabet? For many the very thought of these acts is offensive. However, when you become intimate with someone or are engaged in a long-term relationship, it's only natural that an occasional burp or fart may escape in your paramour's presence.

The question is: how should you handle the unexpected escape of a fatal breeze? Is it ever acceptable and, if so, at what point in a relationship does burping and farting become just a natural part of everyday living?

While I was channel surfing the other day I caught a glimpse of a television talk show in which audience members were asking relationship questions of the panel of experts. One young lady asked this very question, and I was surprised when one of the experts responded that she had been married nine years and during that entire time she had never - NEVER - belched or passed gas in front of her husband. Or if she had she did it without her knowledge. The very idea of doing so was so repugnant to her that she was adamant that it just wouldn't -- couldn't -- happen.

I laughed. Not at the idea that she was so sure it never happened, but that she should be so against burping and farting in front of someone who she was obviously intimate with. She also disclosed that they always shut the bathroom door when in use.

Now I'm not saying I walk around my home and belch and fart like a drunken sailor in front of my husband of 25 years, but I sure don't suck it back in when it's ready to come out. Not only am I concerned about the physical distress not letting go might cause me, but we are the best of friends and there's pretty much nothing about me he doesn't already know.

Naturally, I began to wonder at what point in our relationship we had felt relaxed enough to not be embarrassed by a normal bodily function. And while I can't pinpoint an actual date or the exact number of months or years that we were together before belching and passing gas just became another unnoticed behavior, I can say it didn't happen immediately. It took time to build our relationship and the level of trust that we needed to feel comfortable just being ourselves. I'm thinking it was probably around the same time that I had my first real bout with being sick and he took care of me, flannel jammies, red, runny nose and all.

Whenever it was, we probably laughed it off, feeling only slightly embarrassed. Did I put his head under the covers after ripping a good one or orchestrate songs with a staccato succession of burps? No. I've never, if you'll excuse the pun, waved my digestive indiscretions in his face. However, as close as we are, it would be very difficult to separate this very human part of us and I would never expect anyone else to do it either.