Relationships: Family, Intimate & Platonic

I struggle so much in this area and I know that means I have work to do. Those I have relationships with aren't the problem. I am. I know when I accept people for who they are, the struggle is over. I'm no longer trying to play God and make people act and be who I want them to be. When I start that crap it's like trying to catch wind with my hands. A losing battle.

A close friend told me to try to see God in everyone. Wow. It sounds good but when there is pain involved it's sooo hard. I forget that a lot of times and just want to cut people out my life. Not good. I know a big part of that is me being selfish and self centered. (I know) I want people to treat me the way I think I need to be treated. Truth be told if they treated me the way I truly deserved to be I would be cut out of a lot of people's life.

With that being said, I so strongly desire an intimate, long term relationship. A partner. Wow. For a long time I felt I didn't want a relationship because I've never seen examples of what I thought were healthy relationships. Now, I believe a big part of that was fear and low self esteem. I thought they're being cheated on so I'm sure I will be. Sick and quite narrow minded.

Today, I know I'm a work in progress in this area, along many others. I must remember and know that some relationships just don't work. If it don't, so what. It just wasn't meant to be. (regardless of the ego bruising) I believe every relationship I've had has taught me something. Regardless if it was good, bad or whatever. There are always lessons to be learned; therefore I must remain teachable.