Relationships - From Harmony to Symphony - First Note

Ever yell something at the one you love, wished you could get the words back, and, it was too late, they were hurt and you saw it; in their eyes? Crappy feeling isn't it. Worse yet, you'd do anything to get those words back, but they won't reverse, and the hurt is done, so we go on with life, sometimes, but oddly as the generation Xer's move into the family relationships, they have a steadfast earnestness which is unfortunately expressing itself in inflexibility. This inflexible type of reasoning reflects many changes in the culture of the U.S., and it may reflect a horrendous statistic gathered last year, half of the marriages in the U.S. 2006 will end in divorce 2007. This article starts down the road to heading off such inflexible results, so, if you've ever been caught in that yelling match with no way out, this ones for you babe.
Leaving a way out of the argument, away from the fire, distance from the heat, a chance to take a deeper breath and provide the all-necessary time for healing in the midst of the tempest. It's easier to say than to do (by far) but you have an ally on your side now that you didn't before so read carefully what follows will provide you a way out.
Three vitally important steps, don't do any one of these and the argument is likely to keep right on rollin', do them out of order, and the argument can continue, do them as they are spelled out here, and the argument will likely be resolved. Why likely resolved; instead of stopped for certain, because we are human, and when it comes to people, you never know. One thing is certain, ignore these suggestions and you won't get the result you are looking for, pay attention to them and you will.

1) Print the following on two sheets of paper - one for your spouse or significant other, and one for you. Put them where you can easily get to them. "We aren't fighting fair."

2) When you feel the explosion coming - and you know precisely what that means, go to the sign, pull it up, hand it to your partner and say: "Please hand me yours."

Sounds Ridiculous - but it works

3) Ask for some moments here to cool things down, you and your partner will have to figure out how long this is during a calm time in the home. This is crucial.

Why this works - the element of temper is often rooted in deep emotional response to stimulation by fear, by aggression, by other factors not present or present in the home. To get distance and time into the explosive event it takes an outside element that will bring a slight calming part to the whole. Think of the fighting like a painting that is one color - red - right (?) because red is the color of_____________? Now on to the canvas we are going to put a blue splotch (in fact don't take my word for it, get some watercolors and try this) - notice that wherever that blue splotch touches, the color goes from red to purple? It's a cooler zone - as nutty as a piece of paper with words on it sounds, just the action of reaching for it, brings to mind the discussion you will have about wanting to try this, and the time you need to become calmer. Try this it works.

Note: Red is the color of war, or anger, or temper...