Relationships: His, Mine and Ours

Divorce rates and unwed pregnancies seem to have an extreme impact on what type of relationship one may find in the future. Let's face it no one wants to be alone for the rest of their life after divorce and/or children have become a part of their lives. Finding the right person is not an easy task, nor will it be easy to keep them happy all of the time.

After my divorce in 2001, I thought I would never want to get married again. The divorce wasn't even as ugly as the nine year marriage itself, more of a relief than anything else. I dated here and there and met some wonderful people, even a few who had met my children, only referred to as a friends. There always seemed to be something that just didn't settle right with me in time with those relationships that eventually ended us seeing each other. What I had come to realize is that I needed to find out who I was and what it was that I wanted in my life. No longer was this going to be a hit or miss, I was going to work on me first and then the man of my dreams would just appear out of no where, when I was least expecting it.

Finally, I came to the conclusion that there was no such thing as fairytale romances, that the chances of me finding a man who would make me nothing but happy is not even possible. The reason for this is because I am not perfect. I had to find out what my own faults are and either work on repairing them or being honest with myself and stop denying them. Self actualization is not something that comes naturally and often times it is something that I need to remind myself of just to get through the day.

Now, ten years after my divorce I have met and spoke with a woman with whom I can relate. She has gone through many of the same trials I have. However, she has met a man, whom I have also met; he seems to know her faults, which often include being opinionated, filter free and stubborn, but he accepts them. He also has faults, as every human does. His are more along the lines of the fact that he is bi polar and his daughters alone, not his two sons, come first over everyone. First in a caring and nurturing fatherly way, but also taking from the household to give them whatever they like, just to show them "love". No one but him can do for them, not even the new girlfriend who bends over backwards to make everyone happy. As a mother of four of my own children, in which I raised alone, I have always given them what they needed and wanted, nurturing and in a material way, by working my knuckles to the bones and when the funds were not available, they understood and even today, as adults, they are grateful for their childhoods. They have a sense of respect for the things that they earn and are wise enough to make financial decisions even as adults in their early twenties.

What would the new girlfriend expect after successfully raising four of her own children and then taking on a man with only two of his children being spoiled, while the others sit on the outside and wonder why they do not get what they want or even need? The ex wife is rude and expects money to be handed over on demand, expensive gifts to be bought on demand and to be done on her time, but yet the new girlfriend, who is also the breadwinner, has to stand back and say nothing and comply with the mothers demands. If something is said by the new girlfriend, then she is wrong, not the demanding ex wife who gets her support money on time like clock work, but refuses to work herself.

They say love conquers all and I hope for the sake of my new found friend that this is true. Although there are problems when it comes to past relationships, the two seem to really be in love with each other. The problems only seem to present themselves when his ex makes her entrance and he tends to allow her to step all over him. I suppose the one thing that could save this relationship is complete silence from my friend and allow his ex to treat him this way until he can figure it out on his own. A little bit of luck and a whole lot of communication is key.