Relationships: Knowing when You're in Love

Many years ago the common scenario would be that a couple dated for at least a year. If they made it through the dating phase perhaps they would go steady or become pinned. After a respectable amount of the time they might become engaged. It wasn't uncommon for engagements to last from 2-4 years. The point here is that by the time the couple got to the wedding ceremony they pretty much knew that person inside and out. They had a good foundation for believing they truly loved each other. Perhaps that's why marriages seem to have lasted a lot longer back then, than they do nowadays.

With easy divorces and throw away relationships, it seems people nowadays are rushing into marriage before giving themselves enough time, to really know if they truly are in love with the person they marry. My mentor once told me, not to even think about the word love until you have known someone at least 6 months. Why 6 months you ask? She told me that most people put their best foot forward for the first six months and you may not get a true picture of who that person really is. Remember, she said to even begin to think about love. To actually know you are in love with that person takes a lot longer.

Why does it take so much time? It takes a long time with going through many different types of situations to see how that person reacts and handles things. Part of loving someone is who that person is. Who that person is, is partly made up of how they handle things, such as serious situations, compromise, giving, family, temptations, money, bills, arguments, and so on. It takes time to experience all these situations, and see who that person really is. Many a person after marriage have been shocked at how a spouse has behaved in certain situations that they did not experience before the marriage.

In the first 6 months most couples are in a euphoric stupor caused by the feeling of what they beleieve is being in love. They are not seeing things as clearly as if they were just making a friend. Let's say they are seeing things through rose-colored glasses. While this is nice, boy is it nice, it isn't a true picture of the relationship, and of that person. If you are having sex during this first 6 months it's even worse. Not only are you blinded by the feeling that you believe your in love; you are mesmerized by the sexual high that most couples experience in the very beginning of an intimate relationship. Think about it, would you buy a house which is a lifetime investment when you are on drugs? Well, it's kind of the same thing. This is why time is important. A couple must get passed the initial infatuation, in order to see each other clearly. This is essential in knowing who that person really is, and knowing whether you want to spend your life with them.

I know there are plenty of you out there that are saying, yeah, but I only knew my husband/wife 4 months and we've been married 20 years. This may be true, but what makes you think you are the rule instead of the exception? My first marriage lasted 24 years, and we only knew each other 6 weeks when we got married. However, I was 19 years old at the time, and we don't always make the wisest decisions at that age. Most people are not the exception, and don't luck out with a 30 year marriage after rushing into a quickie marriage. In my opinion for the best outcome, take things slowly, with your eyes wide open, and make sure that the person you think you love, is the one your going to end up with!

*Check out all my articles on Marriage, Love, and Relationships!