Relationships: Is it Loneliness or Love?

Years ago when I was younger, I think I was like most people I didn't realize that there was much of a difference between being alone and being lonely. Since then I have learned the difference, just because one is living alone, doesn't mean you have to be lonely, In fact most of the time I have come to enjoy my time alone, more than I could have ever imagined. But what about people that just can' t be alone, no matter what? In their minds being alone equals being lonely. So then how to these people really know whether they're in love with someone or jut plain don't want to be alone?

Yes of course it is possible to be little lonely than find a wonderful loving relationship. However when the focus is not being alone at all costs, the choices we make may not really be about love. Funny thing about desperation, we don't make the best decisions and choices when we're in the mist of it. We really must understand until we can have a fulfilling, enjoyable relationship with ourselves, we cannot really have a good relationship with someone else, and certainly not an honest one. When are focus is not being alone we tend to not clearly look at the qualities, or the lack there of, the people we are interested in. Down the road, we may make such a bad choice out of loneliness, we end up wishing w were alone. Decisions made with the distraction of loneliness can be disastrous.

Another important consideration with being afraid of being alone, is we never grow into full functioning, capable individuals. When we need someone around all the time to fill our voids, it leads to us becoming complacent in doing what we need to do for ourselves. Crutches only work well for physically disabled people. Crutches for the mind and heart lead only to a sad dependency that benefits no one.

So then how do we know if we are choosing someone because we love them, or are just lonely and can't stand the thought of being alone? A good indicator is if you hate being alone, and pick up the first man or woman that walks by. Another indicator is you can't stand being alone at home, especially at night. Some people run to go out anywhere, in order not to stay home. You may find yourself choosing people that have serious addictions, financial problems, emotional problems, or perhaps are physically abusive. Yes, there are plenty of people that would rather be with the worst loser on the planet than be alone. Don't be fooled, though, your choice may be an upstanding, financially secure, and the salt to the earth type person. One thing that's the same is that you hate being alone.

Probably the best clue to that you just can't stand being alone, is your sense and height of desperation. There's no one alive that hasn't experienced desperation in their life at one time or another. It's an absolutely horrible feeling. If you have this feeling often, especially when you are alone, sounds to me like you may have a problem. Believe it or not, this type of problems could be helped with some counseling. A caring professional can help you to explore who you are, and why you have such difficulty with being alone.

Bang alone and having the time to know who you are, what you like, without the distraction of another person can be quite enjoyable. In fact I don't think any individual should ever get married, or be in a serious relationship without having had their time alone to find out who they are, so when they do meet the right person they can bring a full functioning, healthy self into the relationship, rather than a frightened, lonely, desperate individual!