Relationships Marriage His and Her Kids

A marriage that includes his and her kids by a previous marriage is not always easy. Jealousy and resentment might result when one or the other blood parents shows preference to their own child or children.

Holiday Visitations

Holidays might bring to the marriage conflict between his and her kids in a new family. Who gets their child and on what special occasion or holiday is a burning question. Visitation rights as ordered by the court might cause resentment between his and her kids and the spouse. Ease the stress and create a happy family by abiding by the following rules.

a. If the children are old enough to understand, tell them about the court order regarding holiday visitations. Explain that their birth parents must obey or lose visitation with their child completely.

b. Be sure to tell his and her kids that holiday visitations change with each holiday (if this is the case), and that they will be with you on the next holiday season.

c. Prepare their visit by making it sound like fun. Explain that their other parent misses them a lot. Keep the tears and negativity thoughts to yourself.

Parental Visitation Rights

Visitation rights are granted by the Judge. He tries to be fair when it comes to a child visiting their parent. Do not make the Judge the ogre. Instead, explain that the Judge's decision must be obeyed by each parent.

a. Try to make the child understand that their parents no longer have the final say in how long or when they can be with their blood parent. Be calm when you explain and do not voice your opinion, especially to the younger child children.

b. Do not put the blame the other parent.

c. Tell each child that they will have fun and will be able to visit their dad or mom again at another time and be sure to tell them when. Do not lie. Be honest regardless of their age.

Special Occasions Costs and Who Pays

Conflicts can occur on special occasions. Which parent pays for school clothes or for essential school necessities? If the blood parents do not make this an issue then there is no problem. However, if it involves extra money apart from their child support, their might be a problem and a fight between both family parents.

a. If the new spouse pays his or her ex a substantial amount of money for child support, requesting an additional amount for school expenditures might cause resentment and friction between the parents and his and her children.

b. Try to keep within the bounds of the Court decision in all matters. If the relationship between the parents is friendly it might not hurt to ask for additional funds if needed.

c. Requesting more money than decided upon by the Judge might be the factor that could break up the marriage. Think of the children before you ask for more funds. Better to buy less and maintain a happy marriage between his and her parents.

Reprimanding Each Others Children

Behavioral problems can crop up between his and her kids. Which parent has the right to reprimand when the other child disobeys?

a. Make a decision about this matter prior to marriage.

b. If the birth parent shows favoritism to their own child, the other kids in the family will show resentment and act up. This could easily end a marriage, so try to treat each child as part of one family regardless of their birthright.

c. Think of this new family as being one big family. Give each child the care, respect and love equally and the marriage will be a happy one and last forever.

A New Baby in the Family

Conflicts in a his and her kids marriage get worse when they give birth to a child together. Everyone favors a new born infant. It is only natural.

a. Aside from being adorable and cuddly, the new baby requires more care and attention than the older kids of a his and her marriage.

b. Jealousy between his and her kids can easily wreck a marriage if not handled properly.

c. Make each child responsible, in some manner, towards the care of the new child. This will cause a bond between each of his and her kids and include the new baby.

It looks easy when you see the his and her kids situation in the movies. Every little problem seems like a bed of roses. No one shows the thorns on the stems or properly warns you of the trouble ahead that could occur between a marriage that includes his and her children.

Source: My own thoughts and lifetime experience