Relationships: Men Who Are 10% TOXIC
When He is Physically Abusive-
This one may seem real cut and dry, but guess what, most women in physically abusive relationships down play the physical abuse, and embellish what good qualities this type of man has. Yes, even abusers can have good qualities. It's a way of emotionally protecting themselves, a way to hang onto the relationship, because she really does love him, and an out of not having to make the decision to leave. Yes, I have known many physical abusers who are wonderful fathers, great breadwinners, fun to be with, and kind to children and pets. However, that's all fine and good, but it's the 10 % that will end up killing you. No matter how wonderful he can be at times, physical abuse is NOT acceptable. Do what you need to do, and protect yourself, and your children. Him, and the relationship needs to go!
When He is Emotionally Abusive-
For some reason women seem to think this is very acceptable. It is so easy for them to chalk it up to he was just mad, and said things he didn't mean. Unfortunately, emotional abuse over a long period of time can wear a woman down, seriously, damage her self-esteem, cause severe depression, and yes, sometimes lead to suicide. Emotional abuse is a battering of the mind, heart, and spirit. It is no less damaging then physical abuse. So the next time he calls you a fat, stupid, slut, maybe you should seriously think about leaving. After all if you're as worthless as he says, I guess he won't be missing you very much. And guess what? After awhile when you have your self-esteem back, you won't be missing him either!
When He is Addicted-
This is a hard one for women, as we all seem to be Florence Nightingale at heart. We always seem to believe if WE try hard enough, we can save THEM. Guess what? You can't, they can only save themselves, and most times they don't want to. I know when he's sober he's so good with the kids, and when he has a job he's a good provider, and so on, and so on. Sometimes the best thing you can do for an addict is let them fall down and hit bottom. After that they have no place to go but up. However, they need to do it themselves. Living with an addict, is like asking for a cross to bare, 24/7.
When He is Cheating-
Sorry, but I do believe once a cheater, always a cheater. I know, he's perfect in every way, except now and again he cheats. Well, being cheated on is one of the most heartbreaking, self-esteem shattering, emotional roller coasters you will ever be on. This is in the same category with the emotional abuse. Most women stay around, blaming themselves, or convincing themselves if they just tried a little harder, looked a little prettier, and catered to their man just a little bit more, maybe he wouldn't do it. Yeah right! It has absolutely nothing to do with you. It's his lack of morals, and his lack of caring for you and your family enough to keep his pants zippered up. NO, it just didn't happen. It was HIS CHOICE. People make choices because of who they are, and what they believe is right and wrong. If you're waiting around for him to turn into Ole Faithful, you'll be waiting your life away. Get out, and find a man that respects you enough to stay true blue!
Well, those are some of the more common toxic men. Just try and remember no matter how wonderful he can be if 10% of him is toxic to either you or your relationship, you should say adios to both. All may not be lost, also remember, he can always take the opportunity to change, and I mean really change, in order to get you and the relationship back!
Published by Hannah
I am a former child & family counselor, and now retired. I am proud to be a U.S Air Force Vietnam Era Veteran. I enjoy writing articles on Relationships, Dating, Marriage, Parenting and much more! I hope you... View profile
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17 Comments
Post a CommentGreat insights Hannah. I was married to the nicest guy in the world, except he was an addict and emotionally abusive (I believe the two go hand in hand). Sadly, he could not get his act together and died. It was heartbreaking and I am still reeling from the trauma of it all.
Julia: So sorry about your friend. It's actually easier for women when they find out their man is cheating with another woman. They feel at least they can't fight that battle. I hope your friend is getting help. Her depression will probably only get worse, untill she deals with the situation head on.
Great article and timely for me to read. A friend called this week to say she almost killed herself after finding out her husband is cheating with men. Yep, the toxic men have to get the boot.
Richard: It's been interesting. Unfortunately, I work 7 days a week to keep a roof over my head, and pay back 70,000 in school loans, which in today's economy is harder and harder to do. So, at this point we need to agree to disagree and get back to our lives as such. Well, at least I need to.
Richard:"Rape Talk" is an actual term, NOT created by me, used to describe a very violent and demeaming way of talking about women. And believe me you never have to remind any woman how horrible rape is, especially women and children that it has happened to, or those of us who have helped women and children it has happened to.
Hannah, I know it's not your word, I think that one needs to be careful about the use of the word "rape", so as to not debase or take away from the violent act and attack on women that it is. I well believe you that there are men who are horrible in their comments towards women. I don't associate with any of those guys. They are horrible men.
Richard:Obviously we have VERY different definitions, and beliefs about what "Angry" means, as well as the word "Oppinion". Your absolutely right I donot know you as a person. However, I can have a developed oppinion, based on several comments I have read, about how you are reacting, or feel about women in general. This does not constitute you as a whole person, just a personal oppinion about ONE thing that you do. Oppinions are not facts, they are just a conclusion someone comes to based on information gathered. And yes, how each person percieves things will effect what that final oppinion turns out to be. So relax, and just let others have their oppinions. You know who you are and thats all that counts.
Richard: I just re-read your first comment, and guess what? Perhaps you should look up the term "Rape Talk" which is very common among Certain types of men. This is alot more serious than women complaining their husband doesn't help with the kids, or didn't take out the garbage!
Hannah, your comments did not make me "angry". I was disappointed that you chose to draw conclusions about my person, as you don't even know me. That, however, is your choice. It's your gig here. I made a comment originally about I what I have observed time and time again. It wasn't really opinion -- it was what I have *observed*. Just because *I* share what I have seen does not make me angry with women, just as your sharing your thoughts about men and some of their real negatives does not make you anti-male. . But when you take a comment I make and extrapolate about what my thoughts and person are in what most would view to be a disparagement, I felt the need to make a defense. If I let it stand without comment, then it is a tacit agreement. I obviously don't agree. You chalk up your ex husbands support. i can only say that my ex would find your assumption that I am angry with woman very strange indeed.
P.S. Just because I used to be a counselor, doesn't mean I don't have oppinions as a woman.