Relationships: The National Anthehem of the Abuser

Over my many years both personally and professionally I have dealt with more abusers than I wished I had to. Although they are similar in many ways, one thing they most definitely had in common was the song they sang. What I mean is all the excuses they gave except the real one, for why the abuse happened. Let me share with you what I believe is the National Anthem of the typical abuser. I am putting this in the context of a man being the abuser, and the woman being the abused, however please know I do most assuredly understand that women abuse men as well.

It wasn't my fault,

It didn't happen that way,

She pushes my buttons,

If she would only Shut Up,

She made me do it,

She provoked me,

She deserved it,

If she would only do what I tell her too,

She made me angry,

She embarrassed me,

She belittled me in front of my friends,

She's my wife,

She wouldn't let me leave,

She spent too much money,

She's stupid,

She was yelling at me,

She walked away fro me,

She told me No,

She didn't have dinner ready,

She wanted to get a job,

She pays more attention to the kids than me,

She's useless,

She wouldn't have sex with me,

She told me to Shut Up,

She won't listen to me,

She went out without my permission,

I OWN HER

From sea to shining sea! Yes, this is the typical song of the abuser. Never taking responsibility for their own actions, Always blaming her/him. Not realizing just how much help they need. Only seeing what the other lacks, and not really seeing themselves.

It has always amazes me just how blind one can be. The abuser frequently projecting their own low self-worth and inadequacies onto the person they say they love so much. How small they must feel to exert such control onto someone so vulnerable. Do they hate themselves so much; they must hate others to distract themselves from that which they do not want to see? The frustration they must feel at not knowing how to feel good about who they are, without bringing others down. In their mind if the other is worth nothing, than they surely must be worth something. How sad they do not understand the only way to feel good about who they are, is to treat others with the respect that they would like to have in return.

Perhaps someday the abuser will learn, and only than can his National Anthem be:

I love and respect myself, as well as you, their for I am worthy!