Relationships, Sex and Intimacy: What Men and Women Want in a Relationship

It's long been said that men want sex and women want intimacy. Research, polls and interviews show that men and women both desire intimacy. Men are simply better at detecting false intimacy. People need intimacy. But nobody wants to be used. For sex or any other selfish gratification. What is intimacy, but sharing? Dreams, wishes, hopes, fears and delights. Men and women both need intimacy. Men and women both need affirmation to navigate the treacherous waters of life. Men require a little more attention to detail than women do. Men need reassurance and comfort. I won't say more than a woman, maybe just more regularly?

Perhaps I'm naive. And don't jump to conclusions about me, but I have met a lot of men of all ages. A real cross-section. Most men want what I believe men have always wanted from women. Sex that is intertwined with intimacy and constancy. The majority of men want women who will love only them, and they are willing to return the favor. Men are not generally hypocritical, either. If they have a little wear on the tires, the average man knows that the women they meet may too.

I know you've met exceptions to the rule. I have met them too. I know that there are horrifiically toxic men and women wandering about. If you get involved with one, get out. These folks have been hurt by systematic devaluation beyond repair. They are the throwbacks. These folks are not safe and should be avoided. They are the most piteous people I've ever met. But don't perpetuate the cycle. Know that their issues are not yours. You were in the right place at the wrong time.

So am I giving 'carte blanche' to promiscuous sex? Of course not? But I do live with my eyes open. Sex before of marriage is a reality. Our Lord explained the dilemma beautifully (as He always does) to the accusers of the woman caught in adultery, 'He among you who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.' And don't forget the old saying. 'Women should marry a man with a future and men should marry a woman with a past'.