Relationships - Signs that it is Time to End It

We have relationships with our family, our friends, and our significant others. In positive relationships with others we share meaning in our lives. Relationships give us a sense of inclusion and give us opportunities to support others as well as to receive support from others. Even though we may go through struggles with those we have relationships with, we reap positive benefits from strong emotional bonds with others. Sometimes the struggles become too great. What are the signs that a good relationship is or has gone bad? When is it time to finally call it quits?

Even when we struggle in one relationship or another we may determine that it is worth it to work on smoothing it out, especially when we have a lot of time and feeling invested in the relationship. One important thing to remember is that in our relationships with others people change, grow, and can go in different directions. Calling it quits does not necessarily mean we have given up; calling it quits may mean the journey together has just ended. Sometimes we have relationships that can withstand the personal metamorphosis people go through.

When we feel that a relationship is or has become toxic to us we need to define exactly what is wrong and consider ending the relationship to maintain our own personal well-being or to stay on our intended life path.

Family Relationships

These are the very first relationships we begin forming the moment we are born. For many people, keeping close ties to parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents is very important. For some people, the thought of not having close bonds with family is unimaginable. If the family, all or part of it, is dysfunctional, having close bonds with family can be difficult and sometimes damaging. If the dysfunction is too great and is affecting you in a negative manner you may consider breaking the family ties.

Three signs that it may be time to end family relationships:

1. They will not accept you for who you are. An example of this is if you find yourself defending yourself for every thought or decision you share with family members because the minute you share the information they express disgust. It doesn't matter if you have told them you are planning on having broccoli with your dinner tonight or that you are thinking it might be nice to move to Europe, these family members will find something they abhor about the very ideas you share until you just do not want to share anything with them ever again. If you stop sharing, you stop talking, which ends communication. You may become paralyzed and unable to make decisions on your own without seeking constant approval from this kind of family. Unfortunately, getting approval from these kind of people never happens since even if you do it their way they will find something wrong with how you have done it. It is a vicious cycle, and unless you break free you will never be living your own life.

2. The differences are too great. If some of your relatives participate in activities that you simply will not participate in, you may want to end the relationship. For example, some of your family members drink alcohol heavily. You do not drink. Attending social family functions with these relatives can be difficult because they may have said that you think you are better than them because you do not drink. Of course this is not likely true. Instead, perhaps it is their own guilt of their heavy drinking that causes them to feel like less and their assumption of what you think about them is false.

3. They make you feel bad. This sounds general, but if relatives make you feel bad about yourself or uncomfortable in any situation it may be time to reflect on why you feel bad when you are around them. Perhaps they are degrading. Maybe they act in ways that make you uncomfortable. For example, as you look around the room during a family gathering, no one is really talking to one another. In fact, everyone in the room looks like they have either turned to stone or are as uncomfortable as they would be if they were sitting there with hemorrhoids. The tension is palpable, it's uncomfortable, and it's likely because several family members or certain family members have issues with others in the room. In the name of family they tolerate the situation, miserable and obvious. Sometimes certain family members have no qualms about airing personal disputes with each other openly during gatherings or visits, leaving those who are not involved in the issue feeling awkward and sorry they have bothered to come. Of course if you feel threatened, manipulated, or degraded in any way you may consider ending the toxic family relationships.

Friends

Friendships can be wonderful. We may find ourselves friends with others who share common interests with us; we may be friends with someone who has completely different interests but who we are able to connect with anyway. Friends are not always forever.

Three signs that it may be time to end a friendship:

1. If your friend puts you or those you care about in harm's way it is a good idea to end the friendship.

2. If your friend uses you as a crisis line or therapist and you are feeling drained and used because it's all about him or her all the time it may be time to end the relationship. This friend expects you to be available 24/7 exclusively for his or her needs. If you are the dumping station and the dumpster is full you may consider ending the relationship.

3. Your friend is jealous. He or she is affecting your other relationships because he or she becomes angry that you have other friends. This kind of dependence is not healthy.

Significant Other

A relationship with a significant other offers the closeness of a romantic bond and a deep friendship. Although your significant other may not know every last detail of your existence up to this point, you feel free to share almost anything with him or her. The romantic relationship is comfortable and loving. Trust should be interwoven into this bond for without it, genuine closeness cannot really be achieved. Sometimes we move into a relationship too quickly, getting caught up in the excitement that a new relationship brings. We may not see how much trouble there is going to be because we are blinded by emotion. Other times the relationship starts out fine, but as time goes on, problems become evident.

Three signs that it may be time to end the relationship with your significant other:

1. If you feel threatened by your significant other, it is time to end the relationship. You should not be afraid of your significant other.

2. He or she seems happier when you are miserable and acts sullen when you are happy. Misery loves company. If you are involved with someone who only talks about doom and gloom with utter despair and is always weary and discontented you may be bound to find yourself feeling drug down into a hopeless vacuum that sucks the life right out of you. You put so much effort into trying to keep yourself above the tumultuous sea of negative emotion that you do not have the strength to throw a life preserver to your miserable significant other. In the past, when you have tried, he or she has only tossed it aside anyway since this individual prefers drowning in despair. If your partner is constantly bringing you down and tries extra hard to do so when you are happy, it may be time to end the relationship.

3. The relationship is holding you back. Over time people can grow in wisdom; people may change. With these changes you might find yourself growing apart from your significant other. One of you may be changing while the other has become stagnant. Each of us has an individual personal journey we are on. If you cannot picture your significant other on your journey with you in the future, it may be time to end the relationship. It may seem he or she is holding you back from where you need to go or who you want to become. Remaining in what will or has become a dormant existence would not be healthy for either of you.

Conclusion

We naturally form bonds with family, friends, and our significant others. These relationships can add a great deal of meaning to our lives. Trust, honesty, support, and respect are important elements of healthy relationships. When relationships are dangerous, threatening, or toxic in any way, we need to reflect on our personal needs and well-being to decide when it is time for us to end bad relationships and move on to healthier alliances.