Relationships: Why We Choose Damaged People

Relationships are already tricky things. There is your habitual behavior, your past, your memories and your expectations. Then, there is their habitual behavior, their past, their memories and their expectations. Then, you have to combine all of this into one big melting pot and try to make sense of everything. On top of that, if you are in a damaged relationship and have picked the wrong guy or girl, disaster is almost sure to follow. And yet, there are always people who continually choose bad relationships with damaged people. Why is this?

Reason #1: They are trying to fix the past. One someone has a particularly negative past, especially one from their childhood, they may seek to recreate this scenario so that they can figure out what went wrong with the original relationship and fix it, thus righting two wrongs. If this is the case with you, understand that you may not be strong enough to handle a healthy relationship and stay for a while until you are a little more stabile.

Reason #2: They are still very angry about the past. We have all been there: a family member or coworker screws you over and the issue is not resolved completely. Your partner may still be furious about past abuse from parents, siblings, friends or coworkers/bosses. Their anger will not die down right away and there is very little you can do to stop it from running its course, besides staying calm, speaking in low calm tones, and creating an environment of safety and tolerance around them. Other than that, you may simply have to wait it out. Try to avoid taking their anger on yourself. They are already suffering enough, without living with someone else who also suffering.

Reason #3: They are dysfunctional. If your spouse or partner engages in drug abuse or alcoholism or if they exhibit consistently low emotional maturity, then you may be dealing with pure, unadulterated dysfunction. This is a disease of laziness, and you will do well to stay away from it if at all possible. This disease is very contagious, because their dysfunction begins to shape your behavior, and pretty soon you take on their sick habits. Note: If they are being physically violent with you, do not seek to analyze their behavior. Get out right now.

Damaged people and bad relationships can cause a lot of harm to otherwise normal people. It is almost impossible to be around the wrong girl or guy and not pick up their unbalanced behavior. Be careful, stay sane, and once again, leave if they become violent.