Religion and Me: Try Replacing "God" With "The Aliens"

I have this fun game that I like to play whenever I hear someone start talking about god. I simply replace the word "god" in whatever phrase they are uttering with "the aliens". For example, if someone tells me that god loves me, what I hear is, the aliens love me. It is a fun game, especially when watching politicians and athletes speak. Instead of "God told me to run for President.", I get "The aliens told me to run for President." You hear, "I'd like to thank god for the ability to hit the winning shot." I hear, "I'd like to thank the aliens for the ability to hit the winning shot."

Now some of you are rolling your eyes and considering me a blasphemer, and that's fine with me. Mainly because anyone who still uses a word like blasphemer probably has aliens talking to them. My point is that society has a double standard when it comes to belief. People that believe in intelligent life visiting earth are crazy, people that believe that the earth was created in seven days by an omnipotent power are considered spiritual. Personally, I think you ought to believe in whatever you like, so long as you don't bother me while I'm watching football.

The problem is that you believers out there won't leave well enough alone. Here you live in a country where you can call whatever crazy set of beliefs you have a religion and not only are you not persecuted, you get tax breaks. Do you understand just how lucky you are? Do you have any concept of how unique this situation is in the history of the world? Your right to believe in any crazy thing you want is enshrined in the DNA of this great nation.

And how do you thank this country that has given you so much? You try and impose your silly damn beliefs on anyone and anything you can get your hands on. It isn't enough that you cannot be denied a job or place to live just because you believe that the earth is six thousand years old. No, you want time off from that job to try and cram that nonsense down my throat.

If you want to live in a place that bases their laws on the holy book and does not allow for people to believe whatever they choose then go to Iran. Sure you would have to start calling God Allah and instead of basing your whole life on a 2,000 year old book, you'd be basing it on a 1,300 year old book, but other than that you'd feel right at home.

On the other hand, if you want to live in a place that encourages you to worship your god in your way then stick around the old US of A. Just remember that it is your way, not mine, and I don't need saving in your church or in my laws.