Relying on Alcohol to Soothe Emotional Pain

Many people in life do not understand why people drink alcohol. I do understand because at one point in my life I drank every night. This is a simple account of why I drank, which might help others understand this drinking epidemic. Most people have there first drink when they are a teenager either because of peer pressure or experimentation. No matter what the main cause is, it sometimes sticks and becomes a part of their life, or they don't like it and never do it again. For me I liked it because it was an escape from all my problems. When I was thirteen years old I was raped by a man that was 21.

Ever since this happened life just seemed hard to me. The same summer that I was raped, my father had seen many doctors for an inexplicable illness. He was losing weight quite rapidly and was severely dehydrated no matter how much water he drank. My father had always been a hard worker and for this sickness to come on him was not a common thing. The doctors could not explain this conundrum, and he lost enough weight that he was a mere 130 pounds. I remember my middle sister and mom talking one night about that he was going to die. They were talking with no remorse or care. This bothered me severely to the point I ran in my room and locked them out. I then turned on the radio and blasted it as loud as it would go to drown out the thoughts of that my father might die.

That night I went out with friends and just drank until I could not remember or feel anything. Life became a blur, of course, until the next morning. I woke up with no hangover, which was a huge surprise because of the amount I had drunk. I found out that alcohol was my friend that night and it helped to take the edge away from all the pain in my life. I was dealing with situations that a thirteen year old girl should never deal with. I mean I was raped and now my father might die. As I was puzzling life I remembered that the alcohol made me forget my problems at least for a while. After that night I drank when I could and when I couldn't I would just turn to music.

The summer I turned sixteen my middle sister had her second child. I was in a college bound program called Upward Bound, so I was staying in the dormitory at our local college. My mother would not let me come home for the rest of the summer. I found a way to come home. One night I decided I was going to get drunk and hopefully get caught so they would kick me out. I started drinking and no one caught me. I kept drinking Vodka until I went into the bathroom, fell against a wall, and gashed my head open. This was not a good experience. I blacked out, and woke up in the hospital when they were putting staples in my head. My father was the only one out of my family who came to the hospital. After the excruciating pain was over, I could go home. I received seven staples to the back left side of my head. The next day I woke up with a horrible headache and dry heaves. My mother punished me by making me paint the house that summer.

The summer before my senior year was another booze filled blur. I worked as a waitress at a local restaurant and a boyfriend at the time did too. After work we would go to his parents' house and drink. It was a party filled summer that of course I regret now. We split up after a huge fight and then after that an even worse incident happened. I had to get a restraining order against him and another girl because they tried to bust out the window on my car and hurt me. The only way I got away to the police station was by pulling a knife out and threatening to defend myself. This whole situation was caused by a new boyfriend who left the old boyfriend a threatening letter on his truck. This new boyfriend and I drank every weekend of my senior year until we broke up in January.

When this happened I felt like my world ended, so guess what I did. I drank more. My father was then put into a nursing home because he had a sugar stroke. Then, I started partying with my oldest sister. At least when I was at her house, I was being watched. Those were good times. I got another boyfriend at that time and things were great. We drank every weekend and some weeknights. My pain had become unbearable and I was drinking all the time. My sister would buy it for me, so there was no issue in getting it. My boyfriend and I then split up again, which was more pain added on top of everything else. We then had a great party one night and one of the guys we all hang out with came over to check on me. I left with him and drank all night. We talked and had a good time then one thing lead to another and we had a one night stand. He dropped me off at my sister's house the next morning.

Then we had my birthday party shortly after that, and boy that was a good time. We had a lot of fun drinking and listening to music. Of course my ex was there because he always partied with us. There were still a lot of hard feelings, but I still had a good time. A friend of ours and I had a powder war that night and were both covered in baby powder. After the party died down some me and that friend left and went drinking more. He talked to me and got my thoughts lined out because I had been upset that the ex was there. He brought me back to the house and told me that he'd see me again, which he did until I got a new boyfriend and then we didn't see each other until after that boyfriend was out of the picture.

I started working straight out of high school at Wrangler, the company's distribution center. I moved into a house right next to my sister's. I was alone most of the time and actually wasn't happy at all. I started drinking every night because as I mentioned before my sister would buy anything I wanted for me. I kept beer in my refrigerator and I was only 18. I then met my next boyfriend who later I found out was an alcoholic. He was very abusive to me and that's when I started to sober up. It only took one time for me to leave and not come back, and that was when he slammed me up against the wall. This was a huge wake up call for me. I saw what alcohol could do to you.

With all of this happening, I still can say that I honestly drink occasionally, but now it's not to ease my pain. I do not ever drink alone; it's always with my husband or a few friends. Take advice from me, you do not want to turn to alcohol to ease the pain in your life. You might feel like you don't have a care in the world, but when you wake up your problems are still there. Drinking will just add to the situation by financial trouble, relationship trouble, or becoming dependent on it. I started drinking ten years ago, and if I can stop anyone can. I've felt a lot of pain in my life, but alcohol didn't help, it only made things worse.