Remarriage when Young Children Are Involved

Children add a new dimension to second or subsequent marriages. Their influence and needs are seldom fully anticipated and this can cause problems. Suzie Hayman speaks of potential upsets in her book, Stepfamilies, Surviving and Thriving in a New Family (Simon & Schuster UK Ltd, 2005). Discussing the following points with a new partner can help the marriage start on a good foundation.

Children View Remarriage in Different Ways From Adults

An adult normally remarries with hopes and dreams of a fresh start and a new beginning. Romantic love flourishes and everything looks rosy. It is important to remember that children generally feel loss when a parent remarries. They are losing a familiar life and possibly gaining new siblings. They will need parental understanding and help to make adjustments. Make time to talk to them and reassure them they are loved.

Discuss Children With the New Spouse

Many people jump into remarriage without considering the day to day challenges of raising someone else's children. Even if the new spouse only has the children for weekends, it will place demands on the marriage. Couples also need to discuss how to handle each other's children.

Areas such as discipline, bedtime routines and eating preferences are among things to be considered. Never criticize the child's other parent as this will only cause anger and resentment.

Communication, Flexibility and Step Children

A successful marriage requires constant care and adjustment. Step-children add extra demands and it is essential that partners communicate openly and work through issues together. Other factors to consider include the involvement of ex-spouses and other relatives of the children.

Occasions such as Christmas, weddings and birthdays can be anything from a tense outing to a total disaster if not carefully planned. Be willing to compromise, be flexible and apologize where required.

Set Aside Time to be a Couple

This is important for any newlyweds and can be even more so when the home includes children and step-children. Husband and wife need time to be with each other in a place where they can relax and have fun. If this is communicated to the children, it can be a positive as they see their parents coming back from a day out or a weekend away, looking happy and refreshed.

When remarrying and young children are involved, it is essential that the couple are prepared for difficult situations. If they keep communication channels open and constantly adapt and adjust, the process of settling into new routines and relationships will be made easier. Making time to be together as a couple is also important and will have lasting benefits for the whole family.