Remembering Anna Margaret

Those were the last words I got to tell her. The last words before she was lost into the dark, cold world. It was the last time I had the chance to worry about her. It was the last time I got to wish her luck.

Anna Margaret was a senior in high school. She was my best friend and also my sister. She was a high achiever and was very good at a lot of things. Some things were sports, music, school, you name it!

On March 13, 2003, Anna Margaret was to attend vocal contests 10 miles from our home town. She was supposed to sing a solo called The Rose. When Anna sang, the room would light up and her eyes would sparkle. She would touch everyone's hearts and leave them with tears in their eyes.

The rose was an especially touching song coming from Anna, because everyone adored her.

"Some say love, it is a river..."

Anna's love for everyone and everything flowed on and on like a river.

On that day that Anna was supposed to sing The Rose, we went out to eat for brunch. It felt like such a special day for her because I had a feeling that she would do very well at contests. We figured we would celebrate her success before she succeeded.

We went home after eating so mom could wish Anna luck and so she could get dressed up. I helped her pick out her outfit and do her hair. I piled her golden hair up in a fancy bun on the top of her head, and she wore a white flowing dress. She looked like a true angel. Her face seemed to glow with excitement, and her hair framed the top of her head like a halo.

As she was leaving, I hugged Anna Margaret tight and closed my eyes to savor the moment. All my life I had looked up to Anna, and at that moment I felt like I was at a point where I had to let go of her.

Of course I didn't know that I wasn't going to see her alive again, but it still felt like a bitter-sweet moment.

"Anna Margaret! I know you will do an amazing job, but good luck anyways! Drive safe! The roads are horribly icy, don't forget! Please, don't forget that I love you okay?"

Anna Margaret replied to me, "Honey, of course I won't forget you love me! I love you so much too! I don't know if I could possibly love anyone else more! I will try drive safe, and thank you for the good luck! I'll sure need it!"

She stepped out of the house, into her car, and backed out. I felt a longing to run out and tell her that I loved her one more time. As soon as her car disappeared around the corner, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach.

I waited a few hours around the house, finding things to keep me occupied.

"She's only driving 10 miles. That isn't so bad! I don't need to worry about her!" I had to keep telling myself.

The wind kept howling outside, making me shiver with anticipation. At one point I heard a loud bang, sending me about a few miles in the air, it felt like.

After what seemed like a year and a half, the phone rand. I clearly remember the ring. It seemed more shrill than usual, and I seemed to be walking in fog. As I walked to the phone, I felt like I was in a trance, with the phone ringing and ringing. I couldn't seem to reach the phone until finally I snapped out of the trance.

I picked up the phone to hear a doctor like voice as for a Mrs. Rose Johnson. I paused, not thinking clearly. I asked the person who they were and why they were calling. The person told me that she was some Dr. Livingstead from the local hospital, and that they had reason to believe that they had Mrs. Rose Johnson's daughter in their care in the ER. They needed a parent to go and identify her, to make sure they had the right person.

I remember my heart stopping, and then I felt like I just drank three red bulls straight, with no pause. Though I don't remember, I told the doctor that we would be right there. I flew into a panic. I ran around the house looking for my mom, though I later discovered that she was sitting by the phone that I had answered. I ran around the house yelling for mom and saying that Anna needed us. I yelled that we needed to go to the ER and to see her.

When I finally "found" her, we jumped into the car and sped to the hospital. I don't remember the drive there; I just remember praying to God that my Anna Margaret wasn't hurt.

I don't remember parking, but I do remember the frantic rush into the hospital. I ran to the receptionist desk, asking for Anna Margaret. The lady called for the doctor, and she walked out.

She looked so sad and so sympathetic. I didn't understand. I read the name tag and recognized it: Dr. Livingstead. The name will always be stuck in my head. That's all I could stare at while she told me the news. I stared at that tag while she told me that my sister, my one and only sister, my best friend, my hero, the one I look up to, got into a car accident. I stared at that name tag when she told me that she was sorry to tell me that my dear sister was dead.

Anna Margaret was being so cautious while driving to vocal contests, yet that didn't save her. It was the other person. He killed her. Of course it wasn't his fault; he hit black ice and hit her head on. But my Anna, she wasn't alive anymore.

Crazy thoughts raced through my mind after Dr. told me. I thought about killing myself. I thought about screaming and running far, far away and never coming back. I thought about going crazy and ending up in a mental hospital.

Last but not least, I thought about how Anna Margaret wouldn't like any of those. I felt like she could hear my horrible thoughts, and I immediately felt guilty. I need to be here for mom. I needed to be here for her friends. But most of all, I need to be here for myself. I just knew that's what she would want.

I looked up at Dr. Livingstead and told her to bring me to my sister. I went to Anna Margaret's room. I entered it very slowly. There seemed to be a light glow around the bed. I walked over to the bed. I looked down at Anna's face, and for a moment it seemed like she smiled at me. She looked so peaceful beneath all the torn clothes and blood all over. It seemed nothing could ever disturb her again. She looked like an angel.

I put my head down on her bed and held her hands. I said a silent prayer that she would wake up, and that I was just dreaming. I prayed I would wake up from that horrible nightmare, and that Anna Margaret and I would laugh and laugh about me and my silly dreams.

No such thing happened. I looked up at Anna, and tears streamed down my face. I wished that I could have had one last chance to tell her that I loved her. Then I remembered, I already had the chance to tell her, just that I didn't know that I would never see her alive again at the time.

Mom walked into the room, crying, so heart-broken. It was then and there that I decided that I wouldn't let the world forget about Anna Margaret. She left such an impact in so many people's lives that I couldn't let it be. I vowed that I was going to be a good example unto everyone that I could. I decided that I would try to donate my time and money to special causes, and to do it in memory of my sister. I wouldn't let my life go down in the drain because of something that I couldn't prevent from happening. I decided to take the situation as an opportunity to learn, and to teach:

Don't take life for granted. You never know when your end of time will be. Live life to the fullest, and try to make a difference in peoples' lives.

"... It's the one, who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give. And the soul afraid of dyin' that never learns to live. When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been too long, and you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong. Just remember, in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows, lies the seed that with the sun's love in the spring, becomes the rose."

-The Rose