Remembering to Breathe by Melinda Chisolm

There is nothing more difficult in the world than having to say goodbye to somebody that you love, especially if the goodbye is forever. There are too many emotions swirling around to think straight. The minutiae becomes overly important, and the task of grieving seems to be held at bay by looking for those little things to fill the mind. I know, from recent and painful experience, how horrible it is to lose a best friend. Over the last six months, I have struggled to deal with the emotions, gone through all the stages, and tried to be of some help to the others around me who are also suffering from this loss. Fortunately, I am surrounded by wonderful people who are very generous and understanding. After all, who has not dealt with loss?

I have recently had the pleasure of reading a wonderful story that I feel would be immensely helpful in assisting children and their families in the loss of a friend or loved one. I believe I have mentioned that I work for the Crawford County Adult Education Center in Van Buren, Arkansas. At this center, there is also a lady named Melinda Chisolm who has published a children's story called Remembering to Breathe.

I would like to take a moment to compliment the illustrations by Jo Ellen Cross. This book is not only a wonderful story, but it has such wonderful colors that manage to soothe while showing beauty. I was sincerely impressed with the artwork.

In this story, there is a little girl named Olivia who is getting ready to attend the funeral of her best friend, Brian. Without giving away the details, Brian dies without any real warning, and Olivia is left to grieve for him. With the help of an understanding family and time, Olivia is able to move forward in her life. Ms. Chisolm is able to wonderfully describe the feelings of confusion, fear and overwhelming heartbreak that comes with the death of a loved one. I also loved how the mother was so understanding and validated Olivia's feelings. It is so important to understand that it is fine to have good and bad feelings, and that it is necessary to mourn. Olivia's mother was both patient and understanding, and as a mother, I know how difficult that can be at times.

I could really identify with Olivia, and as I read with tears pouring down my face, I was struck at how easily Ms. Chisolm was able to write in a way that would help an adult, as well as a child. I feel that this would be an excellent book to give grieving families to read together and discuss. I personally plan to purchase a copy for myself, and I will give one to the family of my best friend to share, as well. I had to give Ms. Chisolm's copy back, darn it!

Since I am fortunate enough to work with Ms. Chisolm, I asked her if she would mind a short interview that I would like to publish with this article. Although she is always quite busy, she graciously consented to answer a few questions.

Q. - I've read the bio on your website, so I know some basic information. You were born in Greenville, Mississippi. Were you also raised there?

Chisolm - Oh, yeah.

Q. - Did you have the traditional family childhood experience? '

Chisolm - Well, yes and no. We had they typical structure, Mom, Dad, my brother and I, but my childhood experiences were not so typical. I was a real tom-boy. I was only one of three girls in my neighborhood, so Barbie played GI-Joe. I went crawdad fishing in the ditches and could climb a tree better and any 'ol boy. LOL!

Q. - Is it a culture shock to move from one area of the south to another? Have you lived in other areas of the US or other countries?

Chisolm - Since my husband and I have been married, we have lived in Mississippi, Tennessee and now Arkansas. I love change so I didn't go through culture shock, exactly. It was harder for my kids, maybe. The hardest part is leaving our family behind.

Q. - You are married and have children, now. How much of an inspiration for your writing do you receive from your children?

Chisolm - It's so funny that you ask that. Remembering to Breathe isn't my first book. I actually started writing children's books with my son when he was about 2 years old. He didn't like to be read to at night, so we started making up this story line that had him as the central character and we added characters and named them after his friends from daycare. We did this for more than two years and now we have about 7 books.

Q. - How on earth do you find time to write while working full-time, raising children and having a marriage?

Chisolm - I don't sleep well. Like most mom's out there, we are so busy during the day it's hard for us to wind down, so I write after everyone goes to sleep. It may only be a few lines each night, but it's a great way for me to work through everything that happened through the day.

Q. - You work full-time with children and their parents in a program in the Van Buren area. What does the program entail and how does it help those in the community?

Chisolm - I work with the "Parent Education Program" through the Crawford County Adult Education Center, and I actually get to work through two programs. The first one is "Family Literacy." I work with parents and their children that need help improving reading skills. The second is "Parents as Teachers." In this program I work with parents and their children to increase literacy, child development issues, and parenting skills.

Q. - While I know what inspired the book, Remembering to Breathe, I would like to have you say, in your own words, what event(s) in your life gave you the idea and need to create this story?

Chisolm - I lost my best friend the week before my sixteenth birthday. I went to the funeral and I cried, but I didn't deal with his death until much later. It was ten years, actually, that I finally started working with a grief counselor. My counselor knew that I was writing the stories with my son, and it was her idea for me to write the story out. At the time, it was more of a journaling of my experience, but I finished it on September 10, 2001. When 9/11 happened, that's when I decided I had the tool in my hands to pull something positive from this horrible event. I suddenly had this huge desire to do something to honor the life my friend had lived and the unusual friendship we shared. I knew that if I could help one child from going through the years of heartache that I had, then it would make his death a little easier, so I rewrote the story and started the long journey to find a publisher.

Q. - How much of the story is from your experience and how much is fictional?

Chisolm - Most of the story is fictional. Only pages 3-6 and page 25 are based on the actual events.

Q. - Readers can get a synopsis of the story from your website, melindachisolm.webs.com, but how would you sum it up without giving it away?

Chisolm - Remembering to Breathe is a story about the heartache and loss of losing someone close to you. It helps the child recognize the anger and depression associated with grief, and for parents, it gives them the tools to approach their children and help them talk about their feelings.

Q. - Are you currently working on anything? Can you share anything about it?

Chisolm - I am trying to finish the stories my son and I started so many years ago. It's entitled What Dreams Are Made Of. The story centers on the journey of a young boy who is searching for his mother and sister who have been kidnapped by dragons. Throughout his journey he meets four wonderful friends who join his quest. They must all learn to work together to overcome difficult situations that test their new friendships and personal growth.

I have also started working on another book, entitled Honeysuckle Pass. This one is still very new and may change a lot, but right now it's about a group of friends about to enter preteen from several diverse backgrounds that have a secret hideout in the woods. As the story takes place, the friends are faced with ridicule from peers and parents. It's a heartbreaking story as someone in the group chooses to leave her childhood friends for new and accepted friends.

Q. - Do you have plans to write books that concern the work that you are doing with families in the area, or from what you see in your daily observations?'

Chisolm - Not at the moment, but that's a really good idea.

Q. - Have you looked at some of the work that you did when you were younger and thought of developing it into projects for today?

Chisolm - This is so sad, but when I got married, I lost all of my old manuscripts. I still remember some of the poems, and I've tried to rewrite them from memory, but they're just not the same.

I have to say that I have sincerely enjoyed reading Remembering to Breathe. It was a cathartic experience. This review and interview was both enjoyable and helpful in my own dealings with grief. I would love for word of such a wonderful and helpful story to spread in order to realize Ms. Chisolm's hopes of helping others learn to live through the process of grief. I highly recommend this book, and I look forward to reading more of Ms. Chisolm's excellent work. I hope you will enjoy her work as well. If you would like to find her on-line, her website is http://melindachisolm.webs.com.