Removing the Masks

Do you know how it feels like to grow up feeling unloved and unwanted? To always be in someone else's shadow?

Well, I do. Hello, my name is Dale Joyce Comeau and I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict.

I was born on the 14th of January, 1969. I come from a small Acadian village called Comeauville, in Nova Scotia, Canada.

My father was a traveling salesman delivering candy and supplies to the small stores in the area. My mother was a stay at home mom.

There are eight children in my family; two boys and six girls. I am the seventh of the eight children. All of the children were born two years apart except for Laura* and I, there are only sixteen months.

All I ever heard as I grew up was, "You guys are almost twins!"

I was very jealous of my sister Laura*, the 'baby' of the family. She was thin, outgoing, popular, and loved by everyone. I was five feet tall, overweight, quiet and withdrawn. Her blond hair was straight and long. Mine was mousy brown and wavy. All the guys drooled over her; I felt invisible.

Growing up, everyone thought I was the baby because I was never seen anywhere or almost never spoke.

Where I live, everyone knows everyone. So, whenever I would meet anyone in the community, people would often ask, "Aren't you one of Richard* and Mona's* daughters?"

"Yes", I would respond, smiling, always smiling.

"Yes, that's right. You're Laura's* sister. Aren't you the baby?", they would ask.

Anger always rose up inside of me whenever I heard anyone asking this question. But I was told to always be nice, smile, and show respect.

As children, you were seen and not heard. You obeyed or you were punished by using anything my parents could get their hands on; rulers, wooden spoons, kindling, and ping-pong paddles. If that didn't work, you would get hit upside the head.

Due to my weight problem as a young girl, I developed anorexia and bulimia. As an adult, I suffer from depression and anxiety attacks.

The whole point of writing my autobiography to not only to be therapeutic, but to help others that are going through the same situations that I have.

On my 39th birthday, I made the decision to find out what was wrong with me. My life was like a roller coaster, going up and down, fast and slow.

The one true thing that I found out about myself is that I have been chasing a dream I would never get; my parents unconditional love. I was never hugged or kissed good night. I believe they did not know how to show affection and that I have trying over and over again to gain their respect and admiration.

It literally hit me between the eyes, then everything started to fall into place. I hope to bring out my hopes and fears through the written word.

Till we meet again!