Repo Man: Tales from the Road, Lessons for Life II

It is said that assumption is the mother of all [screw] ups. In the world of the modern Pirates of the Interstate, that is the understatement of all time.

If you want to survive as an agent in the field (and I mean that literally), you assume nothing. You work with what you know for certain, and you doubt even that much constantly.

Think you're sneaking up on a nice quiet farmhouse? Look again. Is that a shotgun barrel peeking out the window at you?

Here's an example of how assumption can cost you dearly in time and energy.

It's mid October, and the weather's getting bitter cold at night. A file lands on my desk. It's a skip - a debtor who tried to run with the collateral. I go through the paperwork and discover that the vehicle has been located, parked behind an abandoned house way out in the hills south of Utica. Other crews, even other companies, have beat the scene to exhaustion, and haven't been able to retrieve the vehicle.

I smile the evil smile at "Jim", my partner. He drops his head into his hands. He knows from my expression that this repo is a kind we like to call "impossible" - and I love to bring back the impossible ones.

Three hours later, we arrive at our address. We immediately see why those who came before us had such a hard time - the driveway is very steep. At such a high angle, it's impossible to get a tow truck up to the car because the bed will smash into the hillside. Even a wrecker (a tow truck without a bed) couldn't make it, because the same thing would happen to the wheel-lift.

We park on the side of the road and get out to inspect the scene. The drive is pitted from the failed attempts of our predecessors. There are even ruts in the greenery on the surrounding hill, where others have tried to drive up on the lawn, which is a little less severe.

Coming around behind the house, we spot our car. The VIN matches - this is it. And it is in a really bad spot.

The car is a 1998 Oldsmobile Alero, and it is parked in a 10' wide gap between the back of the house and a 250 gallon propane tank. Previous crews have popped the locks and disconnected the linkage in a vain effort to push it out by brute force, but there are two obvious problems. First, the car had sunken into the soft ground and is now buried to its axles. Second, the steering wheel is locked hard over, so even if it could be made to move, it would strike the propane tank.

I look to my partner, who shakes his head. We both know that our winch cable isn't long enough to reach the car; not from the side of the road. Even if we use every inch of chain we have to extend the cable's reach, we'll still fall far too short. And then there's still that propane tank...

I see now why all the other crews gave up.

Normally, I'd be inclined to do the same; we could easily snatch two other cars in just the time we've taken here so far. But this car is special - because it's been so resistant to every recovery effort, the payout is much higher on this vehicle than any other 'regular' repo. We can make more than $1,000 from just this one job - if we can recover it successfully. That would put us well into the black for tonight, and the fees from any other cars we pick up after this will be pure gravy. Plus we'd get the bragging rights for doing what no one else has been able to do.

I take a more detailed look around the property, trying to find another option. On the far side of the yard, I notice the neighbor's driveway. It's lined with hedges for most of its length, but there just happens to be a gap that runs straight over toward our car. And it just happens to be about six feet wide, just big enough to fit our car through.

I go back to my partner, who's still scratching his head.

"Let's take a walk," I say.

He gives me a funny look, knowing that whenever I don't just say what I'm planning it's going to mean a lot of extra work.

We walk over the neighbor's house. It's now about 11:30 pm, and there's not a light on in the place. I knock on the door.

Two minutes pass with no response. I knock again.

Jim's face says that he's not happy. He knows that we're waking these people up, which generally means that they'll be grumpy, and therefore less willing to do us any special favors. Jim's not an idiot; he's figured out by now that I want to borrow their driveway.

A light flashes on over our heads. We hear footsteps coming from inside. At long last, the heavy wooden door swings open, revealing a very big man in a very small bathrobe wearing a very unhappy expression on his face.

"What?" he asks.

"Sorry to bother you," I say, "But we're from [the bank], here to collect that Olds parked out behind the house next door. I was wondering if we could borrow your driveway."

His eyes narrow to thin slits. "Are you repo men?" he asks.

"Yes, sir," I reply.

Surprisingly, he bursts out in a gale of laughter. "I've watched you guys try off and on for moths to figure out how to get at that car!" he bellows, "Day and night, you all keep tryin' to make it up that driveway! Funniest thing I'd ever seen!"

From inside, a woman's voice chimes in: "Honey, is that more of them repo guys?"

"Ya, hun!" he yells over his shoulder, "They wanna borrow our driveway!"

More laughter echoes from within.

Jim and I share a bemused look. "So, do you mind?" I ask.

"Mind?" the man says, "Hell, I'll turn on the flood lights for ya! None of them others even thought to ask me!"

So, we backed straight up that man's driveway, carefully positioned our truck, and, using a snatch block, rigged up our winch cable to the front of the car. It was the work of only a few minutes to pull it out of its hole and drag it across the lawn. Then, when we came to the gap, we pulled the font wheels up on to the bed, left the winch hooked on, and pulled the bed forward. That brought the rear wheels of the vehicle around so that we could bring the car the rest of the way up. In two more minutes, the car was strapped down, and we were shaking hands with our benefactor.

Fifteen minutes was all it took for us to get the "ungettable" Oldsmobile. Ten crews from six different companies had tried before us, and all of them had failed. We succeeded where they didn't because every one of them assumed that the neighbor wouldn't be helpful.

It's amazing what people will do for you, if only you ask them nicely.

The dangers of assumption's unpleasant surprises aren't exclusive to repo agents either. I don't know how many times I've come across debtors who are absolutely crushed to learn that what they "know" about repo is absolutely false.

I've been told by debtors, some of whom were even lawyers, that I have no right to repossess their vehicles, for a wide variety of reasons. Some of the most common errors I'd run into start with one phrase: "This is private property."

The arguments get a little shaky after that. Some say, "This is private property, you can't take a car from private property!"

I'm sure these people would be amazed to learn just how many cars are parked on "private property". Where do these folks honestly think we're going to come looking for them - the city park? Every auto loan expressly states that the signer grants the bank permission to send agents to the location where the vehicle is kept for both the purposes of inspection or repossession, pursuant to the terms set down elsewhere in the contract.

Another frequent misconception is: "You need a search warrant to be here." I've gotten into trouble for laughing at people when they utter such hysterical nonsense; I'm not a cop, and I'm not gathering evidence for a trial. The Constitutional protection against unreasonable search and seizure doesn't apply to me, because I'm not an agent of the government. I'm a representative of a private company out to exercise powers expressly granted to the company by the debtor at the time he/she signed the loan contract. In a very real way, I was invited.

There's a whole list of bull crap reasons people give, trying to 'educate' me about why I can't take their cars. They run from 'you can't take it if I have stuff inside' to 'you can't take it if I'm not home' or 'you can't take it without my permission'. Most make me laugh, some make my cry inside, and every one of them come out of the foolishness of the people who would try to state with authority that some fallacy they 'heard about' carries the same weight as law.

The sad thing is that most of the people who try these excuses actually believe them. They might try to embellish them, saying that 'a buddy who works in repo' said so, as if that somehow made them true.

What's even more sad is that many people get this kind of awful advice from their attorneys (it never ceases to amaze me that people who can't afford their car payments can somehow pay an attorney), and so try to 'stand up for their rights'. Often, when a contradiction between what they "know" and what I'm telling them leads to hostility, in which case the police have to be called.

Amazingly, even the police are generally ignorant of the laws of repossession. One New York State Trooper I spoke with put it perfectly when he said: "The entire course on Repossession in the academy is this: It's a civil matter; stay out of it."

On the scene of a repo, the police do what police always do: preserve the peace. Usually, they'll side with the guy holding the paperwork, since it is a lawful order of repossession (not to be confused with a legal order, which would be something signed by a judge). Generally, they're only there to reassure the debtor that the repo is, in fact, legal.

Sometimes they do have to get a bit more involved, though, in the interests of preserving the peace. On several occasions, my partner and I would have to summon law enforcement to deal with an angry debtor who decided it would be a good idea to attack us. It never ended well for them.

Now, to avoid giving the wrong idea here, I think I should make it clear that even though repo agents work on behalf of the banks, they do have the right to defend themselves. I've personally put a number of people in the hospital, and no police officer or prosecutor ever even gave a moment's thought to charging me with anything.

Likewise, a number of people I've dealt with have ended up with rather lengthy prison sentences because of their own misunderstanding of what 'self defense' actually means. There's assumption, at it again.

Now, not every confrontation results in someone calling the police. Most of the time, a good agent can talk some sense into an upset debtor. More often than not, they're just lashing out at circumstances beyond their control by focusing their ire on the person unlucky enough to knock on their door. With a little basic psychology, and by giving them reasonable options to work with, most hostile people will quickly become cooperative.

There is always the danger of being shot, stabbed, or otherwise injured by an angry debtor, which is why it is absolutely vital that an agent stay alert at all times, ready to react to anything. Assumption can ruin your day, and it can get you dead.

But, whether you're an agent, a debtor, or just a curious bystander, there is no substitute for knowing what the laws really are. Bad info can get you into a lot of trouble, in a huge variety of ways.

And that leads us into our next topic - the Laws of Repossession.

Stay tuned for the next exciting chapter of Repo Man: Tales from the Road, Lessons for Life.