Republican Attacks on Intended Obama School Speech Backfire in a Flurry of Congressional Action
Health Care Reform Expands in Unusual Backlash
The Democratically controlled Congress rushed to President Obama's aid and expanded their respective health care reform bills. Both the House and Senate versions now mandate Obama speeches be played at all obstetrics examinations. The new provisions, if passed, stipulate the audio be played through a specially designed audio scope that can reach the In utero fetus directly.
When asked for comment, the White House's official statement was, "We think this is a giant step forward for health care in America. Since we got sex education in kindergarten, we've struggled to find ways to reach the truly malleable minds of children at younger and younger ages. We believe it is every fetus' right to hear the stirring words of hope and change that only President Obama can deliver."
The White House also awarded a research grant to The Joorkinheimer Industrial, Medical & Scatological Research Institute to begin design of the new audio scope. Specifications include the ability to not only deliver the stirring words of our President In utero, but the instrument must be able to gauge an embryo's reaction to Obama's speeches and classify the child as a future Democrat or non-viable tissue mass. In the case of the latter, the scope must be able to double as an abortion vacuum.
In an unusual move, Obama celebrated the health care reform bill additions by holding an impromptu press conference at a Fairfax, Virginia Wal-Mart. The White House has been having a hard time getting support for health care reform from the middle and lower economic classes. White House aides were noted as saying, "What better way to show solidarity and support for the economically challenged than to walk among those same unwashed masses in their native environment?"
Unfortunately, the event turn dangerously ugly. In attendance was Roger Stephens of Stone Mountain, Georgia. After listening to Obama's comments on the health care "crisis" and ensuing press conference (aka worship service), Mr. Stephens instinctively bitch slapped the President before Secret Service agents restrained him.
While Mr. Stephens was extradited from the Wal-Mart, shouts of "Why? Why did you do it?" were volleyed from the press corps. Mr. Stephens shouted his defense through a veil of blue-suited agents, "It was a mistake. From the sounds he was making, I mistook the President for a crying, two-year-old girl. The slap was just instinct. This is the Wal-Mart after all."
Mr. Stephens faces 99 years in prison for his assault on the President while the President faces only 3 more years assaulting the American citizenry.
Published by theBarefoot
Finally I'm right. Finally you're wrong. Finally I dance with confidence to songs that sing of hope and love and truth. When you're nothing, you're still something. You're molecules. View profile
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43 Comments
Post a CommentGunny and pointed. I love it.
You did forget the mandatory ultrasound where the fetus must salute to the sound of Mr. Obama's voice or be aborted immediately. I believe that occurs in the third trimester. That way, the tissue can be utilized for medical research. Oh, I forgot, that's partial birth abortion. Honestly, the Democrat Party practiced their own brand of hate speech all through the Bush years but can not tolerate the same thing toward Mr. Obama. Both parties turn my stomach the way they are behaving. Whatever happened to serving for the good of the nation and not necessarily the Party you are affiliated with? This was an excellent humor piece that seems a little too close to the truth in some ways.
Nice!!
YAY, Barefoot!
That last sentence was....classic.
I am laughing all the way to the next tea party. The only crisis is the discovery of the lack of brain matter between Obama's ears during his latest medical exam. Tests are now being conducted, at taxpayer expense, to discover the reason for this new condition.
It is ironic that the GOP critics of government financed health care are among the federal employees who receive fedrally funded health care insurance, equal to or better than most major private corporations health insurance benefits.
OMGosh! Excellent piece, Barefoot! What a hoot! I truly enjoyed this and will enjoy continuing to follow you!
You are such a sick, sick man! Good stuff Barefoot. And how did you know about my doctor's office "The Joorkinheimer Industrial, Medical & Scatological Research Institute?" They keep trying to ask my fetus various questions to see if it is a Dem or a Rep. Problem is I ain't a woman and I ain't pregnant, and they keep sticking the scope in the wrong orifice. Thankfully however, I am no longer constipated, but what they pulled out and thought was a fetus looks more like a kidney. Damn that Dr. Joorkinheimer!
Clever!