Republicans Battle Socialized Medicine by Banning Sex for the Poor

Republican Presidential Candidates revealed new plans to combat Democratic Presidential Candidates' plans for universal health care.

Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani dared to be the first to reveal his new plan noting its innovative and progressive approach. "The thing is," Giuliani told reporters at a morning press conference, "that we need to look at the long term approach. Democrats are trying to push this Socialized Medicine plan on American taxpayers and it's nothing but a stopgap attempt to fix the system."

Giuliani went on to plug his plan, "What we need is reform. In addition to my $15,000 tax incentive for those underprivileged individuals who wish to purchase private insurance, we're also planning to distribute sex licenses based on total yearly income as reported to the IRS."

After a few moments, Giuliani calmed down the press corps. "Wait, wait. Let me explain. What we need to do is think of the long term here. Many of the uninsured of this nation are born into poor families. By limiting the chances of reproduction, we slowly close the insurance gap."

When asked what tax brackets were going to be used as cut-off points for these licenses he responded that family income over $115,000 would warrant licensure and $75,000 for individual tax payers.

As the questions poured in, Giuliani stated that some logistics of the plan still needed worked out.

Soon after Giuliani's press conference, other Republican Presidential Candidates also reveal similar plans for licensing reproductive privileges. Many of the candidates echoed Giuliani's call for more personal responsibilities.

Democratic Presidential Hopefuls shot back at what they called a "ludicrous plan" and "an attack on personal rights and liberties."

New York Senator Hillary Clinton held a press conference to reiterate that she is not advocating socialized medicine. "I just want everyone here to know, that for the past 14 years the Republicans have been attacking me on my healthcare plans. This is not socialized medicine."

Barak Obama sent a press release to all major news outlet that called the plan "an abomination."

John Edwards toured the south with his wife, Elizabeth Edwards, who discussed her plans for supporting the poor.

Giuliani fired back at the Democrats' criticism calling them "short-sited" and "fiscally irresponsible."

Giuliani's campaign hopes to reap the benefits of the increased press coverage and to possibly extend his sex licenses plan to help battle AIDS in Africa.

"If we can cut back on the number of children born into families with AIDS, we can really lick this disease. It all comes down to personal responsibility. Personal responsibility."