Requiem for a Pin-Up Model

Unless you've been living under a rock or have an aversion to news coverage, you know that Anna Nicole Smith passed away this week. I am sorry that she died at 39 years old and feel even more sorrow for her baby girl. That doesn't change the fact that this was a news story for about five minutes after it was announced. Was she a former President? Did she discover a vaccine for polio? Could she be considered a top-tier star? Don't buy into the hype...she was none of these or anything else close and while sad, her passing in no way, shape, or form deserves the kind of 24/7 coverage being given.

We have a problem, people, and the sooner we address it, the better. Maybe when Corey Glover and Living Color sang about the Cult of Personality years ago, they knew what was coming over the horizon. Anna Nicole Smith's breakthrough talent was in looking good while wearing a pair of Guess jeans and then looking even better wearing nothing at all in the pages of Playboy. Never in the history of celebrity and pop culture has someone achieved so much by doing so little with no apparent talent. And before you mention Paris Hilton, let me say this...everything Paris is doing now, whether it is "acting," or "modeling," or "singing," is just an excuse for her to play at having a career. This is not someone who wants to have a career. She doesn't need the money and probably never will. But, she was smart enough to use a very well-known last name and parlay it into being more than just a rich, party girl. Anna Nicole is a whole other story...

And while we're on the topic, can we all agree to stop the comparison between Anna Nicole Smith and Marilyn Monroe. If I hear this one more time, I'll do something harsh and damaging like random acts of violence or watching Barry Gordy's The Last Dragon. Anna Nicole's only link to MM is that both started as models, both changed their names, and both appeared in Playboy. Smith became a celebrity because of her drinking, drug use, and bizarre public behavior. Monroe became a STAR because of her historically stunning beauty, gift for comedy, ability to charm some of the biggest male personalities of her time (JFK, Arthur Miller, and Joe DiMaggio to name a few), and some genuine acting and singing talent.

When I write these columns, I don't do any background or research. I want to give you my thoughts off the cuff. It also makes me feel like a king of pop culture that I can make the references and comments without having to look things up. I say this because in dismissing this comparison between Anna Nicole and Marilyn I was going to list the who's who of talent Monroe appeared in films with stacked up against Anna Nicole's co-stars. But, other than the cast of Naked Gun 33 1/3, I couldn't think of any. So, off I went to the Internet Movie Database. From my own pop culture filled noggin, Marilyn appeared in films with Cary Grant, Lauren Bacall, Jack Lemmon, Tony Curtis, Clark Gable, Montgomery Clift, and Sir Laurence Olivier. From IMDB, Anna Nicole co-starred with Leslie Nielson, OJ Simpson, Fred Ward, and Joey Travolta. The first three were in Naked Gun. John's brother, Joey, appeared with Smith in the classic To the Limit where our heroine played an "undercover" CIA operative. I'm sure you can catch it on Cinemax around 2 in the morning one of these days.

So, when you speak of Anna Nicole Smith, let's use some perspective, shall we? When a major celebrity passes away, it should be a big story. But, this treatment should be reserved for those who are Stars with a capital "S", not former models with no talent other than marrying billionaires and being a living train wreck in public. Look, whenever I see the awards show clip of her introducing Kanye West in all of her whacked out, possible drug or drink induced glory, I laugh and laugh. It's one of the best awards show moments ever. That doesn't make her a huge star and it doesn't mean her death needs to be picked over by the news vultures 24 hours a day for the next three months. I don't think Elton John's going to be writing a song about Anna Nicole Smith anytime soon...