Researching Ancestry: What You Should Know

Last year my Aunt had mentioned that someone named Carol Zarbos was trying to find out information about our family. Everyone was too busy in their day to day activities to stop and wonder who this lady inquiring was. We hadn't heard of her before, so it must not be important....at least not to most of my family.

I've always being the curious one, took the time to contact her via email. I found out she was my Great-Grandmother's younger sisters' daughter-in-law. Say that ten times fast. (I still don't know what relationship that makes us, as it's all very confusing.)

My great-grandmother Amelia Clay died in the 80's and had a younger sister, Catherine Zarbs (originally Zarbos). We didn't know much about her. After my grandmother Dolores Vecchio died in the 90's, I never had the opportunities to find out about her aunts or uncles.

It appears Catherine was alive and well and I hadn't even known it while I was a child. Catherine and Amelia had a sisterly feud years ago, before my birth, and there was part of our families who never had the opportunities to co-exist because of this.

A choice unbeknownst to us, something that was put into place by my ancestors that lived two generations before me. How could this be?

It seems Catherine, who was originalled named Zarbs, had over time changed her name to Zarbos as a result of the family feud. After she died, it was her son's wife Carol Zarbos, (who married into the family) who took on research of the family tree as a hobby and pasttime.

When I found out about this, I had remembered the ten photo albums that were laying mildewy in my mother's basement in Maine. She often told me to take them, as she had no clue who was in them. Sad but true. I think at one time she was going to throw them away, but only because she knew there may be clues to family history, did they remain in that dingy basement for the first thirty-five years of my life.

Carol, a wonderful woman whom I had the pleasure of meeting, who was working hard to piece our family history back together again. Someday her efforts will provide a detail family tree so I can show my kids, and they can show their grandkids. Without her, this would not have been possible.

I liked her immediately, and was shocked to find out that she was only ten minutes from my home in Baltimore. Amazing. A whole household of relatives of mine that I never knew existed. Sad to think my great-grandmother's choices prevented us from ever spending a moment together until now. Not to mention she identified a lot of folks in the old musty photo albums.

If she hadn't contacted me I wonder if somjeday I took up the family search if I would have found her? I figure the answer would be NO, because the names had been changed over time and therefore I would not have known this. I decided to interview Carol for this article in hopes that it may help someone out there who may be thinking about researching their family.

I have to say, it wasn't all peaches and cream. I figured out quickly why my Great-Grandmother didn't want us to find each other. It appears that back in those days, appearances had to be kept, and secrets were buried. Although I found out many wonderful stories, I also found some that were disheartening about the skeletons in my family's closet as well.

Therefore, I hope you can use this information in your quest for your family tree. Perhaps you will think twice about disregarding the notion of researching your own famiily when you hear about Carol's journey thus far.

INTERVIEW WITH CAROL ZARBOS:

Q: What was your motivating factor that started you on this journey?

My mother-in-law, Catherine Zarbos, was a very bitter person who hated everything and everybody, disowning her own family many years ago. Catherine was extremely difficult to live with and her wicked personality caused alot of people to dislike her. She never smiled, and never appreciated the sacrifices her children made while taking excellent, daily care of her as she aged. She never hugged them, never said thank you or I love you. In their presence, she would verbally attack them for not doing enough for her, which was so untrue.

As her daughter-in-law, I was spared this abuse, for what reason I've never known. Maybe it's because I agreed with everything she said just to keep peace. I saw the good side of Catherine that her children longed for. That is why when she died this year on February 2, 2008, I felt compelled to write her obituary. I wanted to give some meaning to her sad, wasted life.

As I gathered information about her siblings and parents, I realized that I had never taken the time to ask my mother-in-law about her family, when she was living. Over the years I'd heard bits and pieces, but never gave it much importance. Sadly, as I thought about this missed opportunity, I wondered how in the world I would ever find out. Catherine kept her children away from her family and they grew up not even knowing they had relatives. I knew Catherine was one of eight children (so I thought). My husband had to have had aunts, uncles and cousins. But where were they now?

The local newspaper printed Catherine's obituary along with her picture and death notice. The article caught the attention of the first Zarbs relative I would find. Out of curiosity, "Lois" came to Catherine's viewing, and my research journey began from there.

Q: You had mentioned that it became more than a hobby; and was a mission of sorts. What kept you going even though dead ends or roadblocks arose?

When I met "Lois", she informed me, that she too, had many unanswered questions about the Zarbs family, and an old photo album full of family photographs that one of Catherine's brothers had sent her late father-in-law. "Lois" and her sister-in-law "Beverly", met me for lunch oneday, and we sorted through many photographs of people that we knew held the key to our family's past. Sadly, none of the pictures bore names, and only a handful had dates. But, one picture captured my heart. It was of Helen Zarbs, Catherine's second to the oldest sister, and her two young children, Eugene and Louis. Louis, her younger son, was "Lois and Beverly's" father-in-law.

Here I had this beautiful old photograph of a pretty, young, matronly woman and her two darling sons. Something about it made me yearn to learn more about them. I was spell-bound by it. From that moment on, I knew that if I could connect with each of Catherine's siblings' families, I might be able to learn what happened so many years ago that caused her family to be torn apart. I could only hope for more photographs, more proof, that each sibling existed, and to help bring their stories to life. My research became an obsession of sorts, because for every sibling that I was able to successfully identify, it compelled me to keep going and to find the next one.

Along the way, though, I encountered many dead ends and roadblocks, one being my own husband. Allan had experienced a horrible childhood, full of abuse, foster homes, and hate. Discovering family secrets from my mother-in-law's past, began to cause him additional pain and he wanted me to stop. Another obstacle I faced was my own impatience for waiting on other people to provide the information I desparately needed. To this day, I still haven't received everything I requested.

Q: Are there avenues you explored or hints that you have that proved successful that you can share with others who are researching?

The most helpful research tool for me was the person's death certificate. Not only did it provide the person's date of death and cause of death, it also provided the person's date of birth, last known address, name of both parents and their origins, name of spouse, name and place of undertaker/funeral home, place of burial, date of internment, name of person who provided the information, etc. Each piece of information provided on the death certificate proved to be an invaluable source of information for me repeatedly. With the date of birth, I was able to match social security death records as well as obtain a copy of the person's birth certificate. The birth certificate identified the person's chronological order of birth to his/her parents. In more than one instance, this identified even more siblings than originally believed to be. The place of burial led me to the cemetery where the person was buried and in many instances I was able to view and photograph their grave marker and those of other family members. The cemetery office was even able to provide a copy of the person's death notice which listed additional family members to look for.

The second most helpful research tool for me was the U. S. Census Report. It was especially helpful in identifying the person's place of residence, children, siblings, parents, in-laws, birth years, year of arrival to the United States, year of naturalization, place of origin and place of employment.

The third most helpful research tool for me was the Internet. Many websites provided invaluable information, especially the Ancestry.com website which requires a subscription to access their thousands of records. This website allowed me to create and build my family tree, and to contact other tree owners with the same surname and family members.

The fourth most valuable research tool for me were my trips to the Maryland State Archives in Annapolis, MD, and the Baltimore City Enoch Pratt Free Library. The Archives provided the birth and death certificates that I needed and the Library provided old newspaper articles on microfilm.

And, finally, the names and dates recorded on the backs of photographs. I had no idea how important this information was until I needed it and it wasn't there. Now I make sure that all of my personal photographs are identified for my children and generations to come.

Q: Some people you contacted did not respond, or weren't interested in helping find out clues to the past. What advice can you give to others who may also experience this?

Moreland Park Cemetery had a copy of Amelia Clay's death notice. Amelia was Catherine's older sister who everyone lovingly called "Min". Her death notice mentioned that she had several grandchildren with the last name of Vecchio. A Public Records Index on the Ancestry.com website confirmed that there were several living members of the Vecchio family and I was shocked to later learn that one of the members lived only minutes from my house! I looked up his phone number in our local phone book and placed the call that would launch me well into my journey. "Brian" was Amelia's grandson and after chatting with him for a few minutes, I asked him if he would like to view my family tree on Ancestry.com. To my surprise, "Brian" said that he preferred not knowing any more than he already knew. Upon hearing this, it made me feel very awkward, and I wondered if I made a mistake calling him.

About a week later, I received an email from Cynthia-Marie, "Brian's" niece. Cynthia was very interested in learning about her ancestry, and we bonded from the start. It was so good to meet someone who shared my interest.

I also mailed a letter to Catherine's brother's son in California. Much to my disappointment, "Marcus" did not respond. With much persistence, however, I was finally able to connect with him through his daughter-in-law's MySpace page. So, if there's a will to find it, then there's always a way.

Another woman I wrote in Florida replied that she was related by marriage and that no family lineage was ever discussed. I had to rely on her to forward a letter to another relative and it took her almost three months to do so. A man wrote back enthusiastically to my first email, promising to send pictures and information, but never did. So, I managed to find his sister and she has been an enormous help. And, another woman told me to be patient about waiting for her to supply pictures. It has been over nine months since I first contacted her. She said she wouldn't forget me, but it feels like she has. There have been big disappointments along the way. Sometimes you just have to wait.

Q: Can you describe the most important discovery so far in your research and how it made you feel?

There are many, but the one that stands out the most was my discovery of another sibling that no one in our family even knew existed. While researching the 1900 Maryland Census Report, I discovered that John and Mary Zarbs reported having a 6 year old daughter named Florence, born in 1894. Florence turned out to be the hardest sibling to find information on. As quickly as she had appeared on the 1900 report, she disappeared on the 1910 report. I could only imagine that she either died as a child, or she was already married at 16. I was unable to find a death record in that ten year span, so I could only assume that she had gotten married. But, how would I ever find out what her married name was?

Cynthia-Marie's mother kept a bible that belonged to her grandmother, Amelia. Fortunately, Amelia kept the names of deceased family members in the back of it. In it, Florence was listed as Florence Barnes. I knew it had to be her. I searched endlessly, night after night, through the 1910 census report for her. I looked for anyone named Florence who was born in 1894. There was no record found. Unbelievably, after much persistence, I found a "Floence Burnes" (spelling) listed on the 1910 census report as being 24 years old. Her husband John was listed as being 26 years old. It said they had been married for three years and had a daughter named Marian who was only three years old. Normally, I wouldn't have even considered this record because it meant that this Florence was born in 1886, and I knew it couldn't have been her. But I looked at it anyway and was shocked to discover that I had actually found her, her husband's first name, and that they even had a daughter! Florence would have given the census taker the information he recorded. I have no idea why she lied about her and her husband's ages. This one small chance that I had taken, led to the discovery of not only another sibling of Catherine's, but another family to look for, and I found them in Colorado!

Another important discovery is the fact that I have been able to locate photographs of many members of the Zarbs family. It is wonderful being able to associate a face with a person's name. It brings the person to life.

Q: Why is ancestry so important to you?

Ancestry is important to me because it lets me live the life of my ancestors so I am be able to tell their personal stories. With every person that I discover, I learn who they were, where they came from, what they looked like, what kind of education they had, how many children they had, what happened to them, etc. I am compiling a family history book detailing the lives of my husband's grandparents, forward. I want my children to have this precious heirloom, to cherish for many years to come, and to one day pass down to their own children.

Q: Any helpful hits for people to know or heed when doing ancestry research?

Look for wills or land deeds from the court house. Search old newspapers for death notices and obituaries. Surf the web for old cemetery records. Occasionally someone interested in preserving history will walk the cemetery and transcribe what's on the older headstones. Visit the historical society near where your ancestor lived. They have files created by society members containing family tree history on their surnames. Yours might be in there. When visiting the Maryland State Archives, plan to make a day of it and dress warm! The air conditioning is freezing in the summer time. Pack a lunch and eat in your car, then go back to finish your research. Take a camera when visiting the cemeteries.

Q: Anything else to add?

I thought about my mother-in-law yesterday, and I realized that I missed her. Not the cranky, wicked, nasty Catherine, but the beautiful, petite woman whom we laid to rest last February. My husband chose her outfit. It was a Jackie Kennedy look-a-like with round neck, Bertha collar, pearl buttons and 3/4 length sleeves, in blue. She looked stunning.