Resolutions to Solve My Own Conflicts

People are hit with many conflicts throughout their lives. Among many, the most noticeable one that I currently have is whether or not I should go to Japan this coming fall. This has been a conflict struggle to me for the past few months. I haven't been able to decide if I should go or not due to many reasons. This choice is one of the hardest choices I've had to make since I've been born because of the huge responsibilities that I would have to deal with for taking up this action.

Although I am nothing special, I actually impact and affect people's lives. The people impacted by this would first of all, be myself; if I go, I would have to live in a new place, eat different food, change my lifestyle to adapt to the new environment, and speak a different language, I would also have to take an extra summer to graduate from UTA. The reason why this impacted me is because it is a head on experience; it changes things that happen to me directly because of this choice.

Other people impacted by this would be my parents, since I am the only child, leaving them for a few months would be very different for them because I've lived with them all my life, they would have to do more house chores, they would have to mow the lawn, and they would have to do many other things because I am not there. They would also be worried about me, but save in grocery store savings because there are less people to feed. My friends would also be impacted because now they won't have me to hang out with them, to go to the movies or do little things such as play volleyball on Friday nights with them, though they could sometimes find a substitute, this would affect their decisions to do things because I am not around. They would also have one less person to ask for advice when they are in a dilemma about everyday situations.

Affected by this trip to Japan would be the electric bill, and water companies, the computer wouldn't be turned on day and night, and the water wouldn't be running everyday. Though not a huge factor of their revenue, they still get affected by a tiny fraction of a margin. Also, Vietnamese Pho restaurants, small businesses that I eat out at with my friends a few times a week will be affected because they lose an extra hundred dollar in revenue a week if we don't go together. Other people affected are my AIM buddies that won't have anyone to talk to because I will not be online, and also just regular friends that want to talk or ask for advice cannot do so.

This is a huge decision and there are many reasons why it is a conflict for me. Going overseas is something I've always been wanting, especially going to somewhere unique where I would be a foreigner not knowing how to speak their language; I've always met international students in my classes during my stays at school, I've never gotten to really know how they felt being in a foreign land and not being able to speak the language very well. To me, it must be an experience filled with excitement, homesickness, sadness, happiness, and so on. Doing something like this, releases chains of many reasons on why I should go and why I shouldn't go. The main reason why I want to go is to get the experience, I know that after I graduate and start working or start a family, I wouldn't have the opportunity to do it again. I can finally be independent for a bit, and also take a little break from traditional American college. A counter to this would be the cost, going for a few months could fill my debt up to $12,000. As of right now my debt is at zero dollars. Money is a huge issue and it quite a lot to pay back; am I willing to sacrifice money for the experience? Or is it not worth it?

Other factors to my conflict are my parents; my dad has mixed feelings about this whereas my mom doesn't want me to go. I am the only child so my mom always wants me to stay by her side, at home safe in the comfort of their shelter. My dad on the other hand encourages me to take on new challenges and experiences, but he is also worried about me going on my own, since I have never done something like this before. This lack of support has put a burden on me and it is holding me back from making a decisive decision.

My friends are also another factor in this conflict, some of them encourage me to go, but others don't want me to. The few that encourages me to go just say things like Japan is a cool place to visit, while some others say they don't want me to go because they'll miss me, or I shouldn't go because it is a waste of time. I don't think it's a waste of time but sometimes they can be convincing. I think getting the experience is huge, but in another sense it might be a waste of time because it will delay my graduation and be a waste of money. Losing a semester will push my graduation from May 2007, to probably July 2007.

One of my advisors said it was a great idea to broaden my horizons, but another said it's a waste of time because the credits do not go into my business degree plan. Other people talk about how with $12,000 I can buy a car or many other things in the United States; $12,000 is a lot of money for a college student.
Internal struggles also keep me in conflict with myself, I always wonder if I'm really ready to go somewhere else on my own especially since I've been babied by my parents from the day I was born; of course, it is about time I reach out and take on my own responsibilities but at such a huge step? How will I manage to live there when I can't even speak their language? How will I survive with their confusing subway system? What if I get lost? I will be all alone to deal with my own problems, away from the safe zone. In another sense, this could also be something exciting to do. Since I've been born, the world has seemed too safe. I have never worried about getting lost, or having lack of food, or lack of anything. I used to wonder what it would be like to be responsible and make decisions on my own that could keep me alive. It will be like surviving in Japan all by myself, to have that feeling of no superiors protecting me.

With so many conflicts, it is too hard of a decision to make. Just the paperwork alone is intimidating, now only that, the amount of time I will need to put in for the applications and the scholarship information I'll need to find and sign up for. Although there are many conflicts about this decision I came up with three resolutions to deal with it.

One resolution that I thought would be a good idea is to write a list of the pros and cons of going to Japan, give each reason a weight and sum it all up, then whichever has the highest score would be my final decision. I have tried this but it was too tedious and long, it is hard to assign weights for each different reason and there might be reasons that I might have forgotten about.

Another resolution I came up with was to flip a coin and just do whichever it landed on; this was obviously a bad idea because I was still in conflict with myself to choose. I had the burden of unsolved pros and cons in my conscience and couldn't make a decision. Basing your choice off of a coin for this situation didn't seem like a good idea. I think that the only time a coin would be valid in making a decision is if two people cannot decide what to do and a coin is needed to flip; something unimportant like where to eat, or a game, or to go see a movie or bowling. But in making an important decision like going to Japan, or buying a new car, or picking out a house, I think that there is something else much better you could do to choose than to do a measly coin toss.

The last resolution idea I came up with was to forget the reasons and just go with my gut feeling, pretend that money wasn't a problem, my parents wasn't a problem, my friends wasn't a problem, everything wasn't a problem, forget about the fears I have, and the advice people gave me, just do what I want to do. Doing this, I wanted to take up the challenge and go; I will not be hindered because of money reasons, nor pulled back because my friends didn't want me to go.

I believe that the third resolution reason is the best one to solve this crazy conflict, this lets me go ahead and do whatever I want without using statistics or randomness in making my decision. Making a list was a decent idea but it wasn't something I wanted to depend on, a statistic. I am also lazy and don't want to bother spending tons of time weighing out the pros and cons. I think that life is too short and I would rather enjoy it to the fullest without having problems to hinder it. But I also believe that I should do things moderately and not excessively, such as having too much of a debt that I will not be able to pay it off, or not having a debt at all which will make me more lazy and not bother to find a job. The second resolution was a very bad idea; I didn't want to depend on luck to make my decision for me, it wouldn't be my true choice of what I really think is better to do.

Even though there could be better ways to deal with this solution, I think my decision is fine and I am happy with it. I just turned in all my application work and I am waiting on my loans and hopefully, the acceptance information. I am excited about this study abroad program and hope to gain tremendous amounts of knowledge while being over there. I hope to come back to the states to share my experiences in Japan.