Resolving Conflicts with Your Child's Principal

If you are reading this one must assume you are a parent, with a child in school. If you are past the kindergarten stage you probably know that you, the parent, and they, the school staff, will not always see eye to eye on things. Don't panic over this and do not get to thinking of it as some sort of a "power play" over your child. My daughter is now a senior and I have been dealing with these things for years, most of the time as a single parent. Let me pass along a few lessons I have learned to you.

Hopefully you are being proactive and reading this ahead of time. I say this because the best way to "resolve a conflict with your child's principal" is to avoid the conflict in the first place. This is best done by keeping a good, working communication with the teachers and staff at the school. Know what is going on. In my experience, 90% of all conflicts between parents and principals begin over something arising out of a minor classroom problem which "blindsided" the parent.

Let us be honest, you child is the last person who is going to tell you that something is wrong at school so why do so many parents primarily rely on their children for day to day information about it? If you keep up good back and forth communication with your child's teacher(s) you are far less likely to "take a HEAT round out of nowhere" (as we would have said in the Army, it implies getting hit with high explosive ammunition which you never saw coming) than if you go blissfully along with no clue in the world.

Another thing I learned in twelve years in the Army is that the most important weapon an infantryman carries is not his rifle, it is a radio. Good two way communication is essential in any situation where several people are involved, especially school. If a situation or dispute does arise, do not allow it to grow to huge proportions before you contact the school staff, "nip it in the bud" right away. Hopefully you will take care of it before it gets to the level of the principal. The key thing is to talk, in a civilized manner, about your problem. Fully address your concerns.

Do not be scared to go to the principal of your child's school with your problem. YOU are not in school anymore, "going to the principals office" is not the "oh boy, I'm in trouble" thing it once was. Keep in mind that a school principal is a busy person but do not be scared to bring up your concerns with them if needs be.

When speaking with the school principal, or any school administrator for that matter, always keep in mind that school policies and rules are not the law of the land. School administrators like to insinuate that they are but they are not. You, the parent, are responsible for your child, not the school system. Their "policy" does not trump your parental rights and responsibilities. Keep that in mind when talking with a principal.

Lastly, know the laws in your area, both state and local. School systems are not above making "policies" which violate laws which the school board does not happen to like. Also be familiar with court rulings in civil suits pertaining to your compliant.

For example, if your child has been told they cannot speak out about their Christian religion (or any other religion) in a valedictorian address, you should be aware that this exact issue has been before the courts many times here in America and EVERY time the school system has lost. This is because the United States Supreme Court has long ago set the standard that "a student does not surrender their first amendment rights at the schoolhouse door." This same logic should apply equally to any religion as long as the proposed statement does not call for illegal activity such as drug use or polygamy. The school can edit the content for style and length. Know your subject matter when you start talking.

The important thing is to research and know what you are talking about before you start "running off at the mouth." Keep civilized in your interactions, remember you will "catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar." And keep communications open ahead of time! Head off conflicts before they arise. Good luck in resolving any conflicts with your child's principal.